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AIBU?

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Original poster

How would you split the bills?

181 replies

Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:43

Household is me, DP, his three children aged 8-13 who are here weekends and holidays, and our shared DS aged 2, who is in nursery 4 days a week.

I work 4 days a week, he works 5. I earn 50k, he earns 40k. I generally buy anything DS needs. Our bills are about 4.2k a month. Mortgaged house in need of repairs.

AIBU: split bills according to percentage of household income earned
AINBU: split bills 50/50

OP posts:
VeterinaryCareAssistant · 01/02/2026 17:06

You should just pay 50:50 as you both earn pretty similar.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 01/02/2026 17:05

Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:59

It doesn’t feel like it when it feels like he’s pushing for me to pay more than he does to raise his kids. It feels like he’s using me

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Yeah, that's pretty shit. That's the real issue here.

Vaxtable · 01/02/2026 17:04

I would work it on percentages for normal day to day for the three of you. Then he pays extra for the weekends and holidays for his three kids

TheignT · 01/02/2026 17:02

Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:59

It doesn’t feel like it when it feels like he’s pushing for me to pay more than he does to raise his kids. It feels like he’s using me

Show quote history

Interesting way to look at it. Did he scam you and pretend he was childless? If not you were an equal partner on forming a family, shame you don't see it.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 01/02/2026 17:02

ChangeAgainAgainAgain · 01/02/2026 16:57

You should have equal spending money left after bills are paid. You're a family. One person shouldn't have more available spending money than the other.

Only the lower earner would say that.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 01/02/2026 17:02

ChangeAgainAgainAgain · 01/02/2026 16:57

You should have equal spending money left after bills are paid. You're a family. One person shouldn't have more available spending money than the other.

I think it's fair I have less spending money than my DH as I chose to have more DC than he did. Combining our incomes did leave both of us with more money at the end of the month.

Silverbirchleaf · 01/02/2026 17:01

I guess you were happier enough to buy the larger house when choosing the house, so what’s changed? What did you discuss before moving in regarding finances?

Original poster
Tashaa · 01/02/2026 17:01

gamerchick · 01/02/2026 17:00

Then tell time it's fine. That you'll sell the house and downsize to more manageable outgoings and the same goes for the car. That blow up beds for the living room will be sufficient for his kids and then he can pay less.

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Obviously I’m not going to say that because it’s not fair on the kids

OP posts:
Original poster
Tashaa · 01/02/2026 17:01

ChangeAgainAgainAgain · 01/02/2026 16:57

You should have equal spending money left after bills are paid. You're a family. One person shouldn't have more available spending money than the other.

Neither of us ever have much left over. His goes on maintenance, fuel and cigarettes. Mine goes on family days out, stuff for the house, extra food

OP posts:
gamerchick · 01/02/2026 17:00

Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:58

But the reason we need a four bedroom house is because of his kids

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Then tell time it's fine. That you'll sell the house and downsize to more manageable outgoings and the same goes for the car. That blow up beds for the living room will be sufficient for his kids and then he can pay less.

Original poster
Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:59

TheignT · 01/02/2026 16:58

Are you a family?

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It doesn’t feel like it when it feels like he’s pushing for me to pay more than he does to raise his kids. It feels like he’s using me

OP posts:
Original poster
Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:58

Silverbirchleaf · 01/02/2026 16:56

Mortgage, energy, water 50:50, as they the same (approx) regardless of no of people.

Food - I think he should pay 2/3 and you 1/3. Three children for 2 and a bit days each (totals 6 and and a few bits) is like having one adult for seven days, so dp and his dc equals two adults, and you equal one adult (joint child is equal
to both of you).

But the reason we need a four bedroom house is because of his kids

OP posts:
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 01/02/2026 16:58

In in a similar situation to your DP. We split 50:50 and I feel I'm getting a good deal.

I might find bills that high stressful, though.

TheignT · 01/02/2026 16:58

Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:53

This is how I feel. Every month on payday I get loads of attitude from him about paying his 50%. But the reason our bills are so high is because we have a bigger house, car and everyday costs because of his older children

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Are you a family?

Original poster
Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:57

Frikadelle · 01/02/2026 16:55

Your bills sound very high. Does that include maintenance payments for his first 3 DC? That would be unfair if he expected you to contribute towards that.

No his maintenance payments are separate. I agree it’s high. Our mortgage is almost 2k a month. We have a car on £300 a month hire purchase because we needed a seven seater which has a few years to go

OP posts:
ChangeAgainAgainAgain · 01/02/2026 16:57

You should have equal spending money left after bills are paid. You're a family. One person shouldn't have more available spending money than the other.

strawlight · 01/02/2026 16:56

Roughly how many nights per year are his kids with you? They must massively bump up expenditure on food. What does he say when you point out it’s the three extra kids that mean your household outgoings are so high?

jbm16 · 01/02/2026 16:56

I would guess you are earning similar after tax? I've never understand this paying percentages, we also paid into a joint account and paid from everything from there.

Silverbirchleaf · 01/02/2026 16:56

Mortgage, energy, water 50:50, as they the same (approx) regardless of no of people.

Food - I think he should pay 2/3 and you 1/3. Three children for 2 and a bit days each (totals 6 and and a few bits) is like having one adult for seven days, so dp and his dc equals two adults, and you equal one adult (joint child is equal
to both of you).

Maddy70 · 01/02/2026 16:56

50/50;

Frikadelle · 01/02/2026 16:55

Your bills sound very high. Does that include maintenance payments for his first 3 DC? That would be unfair if he expected you to contribute towards that.

bigboykitty · 01/02/2026 16:54

Yeah that's totally unreasonable on his part OP. I wouldn't put up with attitude. He's getting a good deal.

brunettemic · 01/02/2026 16:54

Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:50

This is how I would prefer it to be but he wants us to pay by percentage because then he’ll pay less

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Which is fine if you then both the same percentage for others things, like holidays and cars (just the examples used).

Original poster
Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:53

44PumpLane · 01/02/2026 16:50

I'd say 50/50 as the delta between your income isn't that much but he has additional costs for his 3 other kids

This is how I feel. Every month on payday I get loads of attitude from him about paying his 50%. But the reason our bills are so high is because we have a bigger house, car and everyday costs because of his older children

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 01/02/2026 16:50

I'd say 50/50 as the delta between your income isn't that much but he has additional costs for his 3 other kids