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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you split the bills?

181 replies

Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:43

Household is me, DP, his three children aged 8-13 who are here weekends and holidays, and our shared DS aged 2, who is in nursery 4 days a week.

I work 4 days a week, he works 5. I earn 50k, he earns 40k. I generally buy anything DS needs. Our bills are about 4.2k a month. Mortgaged house in need of repairs.

AIBU: split bills according to percentage of household income earned
AINBU: split bills 50/50

OP posts:
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TheignT · 03/02/2026 17:56

Tashaa · 03/02/2026 14:13

Let me guess, you do more of the domestic labour and less of the earning?

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My husband has been disabled and unable to work for over 30 years. I've worked and been his carer. Hope that you manage to understand that without needing to make things up.

Original poster
Tashaa · 03/02/2026 14:13

TheignT · 03/02/2026 10:15

Isn't it their family? Maybe my family is unusual but my husband regards all our children the same, the ones who are biologically his and the ones he accepted when we married.

Let me guess, you do more of the domestic labour and less of the earning?

OP posts:
TheignT · 03/02/2026 10:15

Isn't it their family? Maybe my family is unusual but my husband regards all our children the same, the ones who are biologically his and the ones he accepted when we married.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 02/02/2026 21:36

TheignT · 02/02/2026 19:12

Giving up smoking is a good idea but surely you aren't suggesting he should stop paying maintenance?

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Of course not, just pointing out none of his ‘spare’ money is going on her family.

bigboykitty · 02/02/2026 19:59

NoSoupForU · 02/02/2026 18:26

We're all different. But I would never have that attitude. All costs in my house are central costs and shared by both of us.

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Unfortunately he didn't display that attitude at all when OP was on maternity leave!

InterIgnis · 02/02/2026 19:16

NoSoupForU · 02/02/2026 18:26

We're all different. But I would never have that attitude. All costs in my house are central costs and shared by both of us.

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I can see why that would appeal to those that would benefit from their partner picking up their child-related tab, but it’s beyond me why someone would willingly sign themselves up to pick up said bill.

TheignT · 02/02/2026 19:12

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 02/02/2026 18:32

No, it’s going on fags and maintenance to kids that aren’t hers.

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Giving up smoking is a good idea but surely you aren't suggesting he should stop paying maintenance?

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/02/2026 18:40

NoSoupForU · 02/02/2026 18:26

We're all different. But I would never have that attitude. All costs in my house are central costs and shared by both of us.

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And your partner has 3 children that you pay for ?

till in the position many seem to find it hard to understand why op gets pissed off

her extra earnings pay for his kids. His earnings pay for his cigs

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 02/02/2026 18:32

Thesnailonthewhale · 02/02/2026 18:05

But then surely the stuff he isn't spending I bills is going on family stuff anyway?

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No, it’s going on fags and maintenance to kids that aren’t hers.

NoSoupForU · 02/02/2026 18:26

InterIgnis · 02/02/2026 18:24

They’d be household costs if they were joint children. They aren’t. His children are his responsibility alone.

Choosing to having a relationship with a father is not the same thing as accepting financial responsibility for his children.

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We're all different. But I would never have that attitude. All costs in my house are central costs and shared by both of us.

InterIgnis · 02/02/2026 18:24

NoSoupForU · 02/02/2026 18:10

I'd see all the costs for all of the children as household costs. You've chosen to have a committed relationship with someone who has children.

You should pay 55% of the household costs and he should pay 45%.

They’d be household costs if they were joint children. They aren’t. His children are his responsibility alone.

Choosing to having a relationship with a father is not the same thing as accepting financial responsibility for his children.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/02/2026 18:23

And the fact paid the deposit. Thank God you ring fenced it

MostlyHappyMummy · 02/02/2026 18:13

if you would be better off and him worse off if you lived separately then he is using you

NoSoupForU · 02/02/2026 18:10

I'd see all the costs for all of the children as household costs. You've chosen to have a committed relationship with someone who has children.

You should pay 55% of the household costs and he should pay 45%.

Gwenhwyfar · 02/02/2026 18:08

44PumpLane · 01/02/2026 16:50

I'd say 50/50 as the delta between your income isn't that much but he has additional costs for his 3 other kids

But he should pay MORE because he has more children, not less.

harriethoyle · 02/02/2026 18:08

Tashaa · 02/02/2026 15:06

It’s interesting that it’s a 60/40 split in opinions because I think I am completely in the right, and clearly he does too.

Don’t forget @Tashaa you are a stepmother on mumsnet and so many of the 40% will take the view “you knew what you signed up for” and that includes paying more for your husbands children than he does 🙄🙈

Thesnailonthewhale · 02/02/2026 18:05

Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:50

This is how I would prefer it to be but he wants us to pay by percentage because then he’ll pay less

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But then surely the stuff he isn't spending I bills is going on family stuff anyway?

Therealjudgejudy · 02/02/2026 18:03

Of course he pays more. They are his kids!!

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 02/02/2026 17:57

It’s incredible how these men manage to get two women to be more financially responsible for his kids than he is.

I don’t think you’ve mentioned who is practically responsible for them when they are with you? Who’s shopping and cooking for them? Who does the laundry? Who does bedtimes, homework, entertaining them?

Newmumatlast · 02/02/2026 17:55

Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:58

But the reason we need a four bedroom house is because of his kids

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If its mortgaged though then you are benefiting from the asset as an investment. So I dont think the size of house is an issue re what you should pay. I see the bills point a bit more but actually a large amount of most services is the charge rather than use and it probably isnt masses extra usage for the limited time they are there - not like he has shared care. I do think things like thr car etc should be negotiated as they're purchased and he pay more. But it isnt a simple division exercise - I think you should compare to hire costs for a 5 seater for example.

Newmumatlast · 02/02/2026 17:49

Chasingsquirrels · 01/02/2026 16:47

Per income.

But I would consider a joint child's costs to be part of the bills.

Yep this

throwawayimplantchat · 02/02/2026 17:43

SamphiretheTervosaur · 02/02/2026 16:31

He has 5 children to house, one of which is also yours

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No he has four total, one is joint with OP and three are his with his previous partner.

Theyikesdyke · 02/02/2026 17:33

Sounds like lots of poor choices were made here (why have another child with a man that has 3 kids already and you saw his financial issues??) Bit of a moot point i guess as you cant magic away your child but you either need to get to a decision together or leave. Harbouring this resentment isnt useful for anyone.

CherryViper · 02/02/2026 16:53

I think he should pay 60% at least and you should pay 40% at most.

Do not put yourself in a financial vulnerable position because your OH cannot budget or support his DC.

ParmaVioletTea · 02/02/2026 16:49

Tashaa · 01/02/2026 16:48

Even though all of our bills are higher as he has four children to house compared to my one?

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Yes, this is the sticky bit. He needs to pay his DCs' costs - food, heating, water etc. 3 DC are likely to add up to quite a bit!

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