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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New boyfriend snapped at me

491 replies

Snappyg666 · 01/02/2026 15:38

Could do with your opinion. FWIW I am happy to be told AIBU. Im just trying to make sure I dont ignore anything important.

I was driving down the motorway with my boyfriend of 3 months. He was driving and I was supposed to be giving directions. We were talking and then he asked whether he should be taking the exit and I kind of hesitated for a few seconds as wasn't sure abd then said yes. He tutted and said for fucks sake and then quickly switched lames to exit

Now totally get why that would be irritating 😅 Its just that I was with my ex for 10 years and for all his faults, I dont think we ever snapped at each other once. We had massive bust ups about the big questions but irritating things like this we were both very generous with each other so im not sure what's normal. But I felt like a child being reprimanded and felt like saying "jesus get over it"

OP posts:
nomas · 01/02/2026 17:47

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:46

It’s a turn of phrase

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More like trying to gang up on someone with a ‘we vs you’ pile on.

Cheeseisneeded · 01/02/2026 17:47

Hmmm I wouldn't be happy with this tbh
My DH has never sworn at me in 25 years,let alone after 3 months, we accept each other's mistakes

If he's that short tempered about a road sign why was he asking if he knew it was the correct one, does he not have eyes
Imagine how he will be with the pressure of a wedding, children, job insecurity etc

Yes he apologised but it could be the start of tests to see what you put up with

Keep your eyes open for now

BirthdeighParteigh · 01/02/2026 17:46

Maybe he’ll dump you for being inattentive, before you dump him for being snippy.

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:46

nomas · 01/02/2026 17:45

But you told me it was just me?

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It’s a turn of phrase

nomas · 01/02/2026 17:45

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:45

It’s 2/3 before drip feed have a look

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But you told me it was just me?

Topseyt123 · 01/02/2026 17:45

As a navigator you really have to be concentrating and aware of where you are almost as much as the driver, especially if using the paper road atlas method (most of us use satnav now). You need to try hard to give directions accurately and in good time.

It doesn't sound like you were always concentrating as much as you needed to be and perhaps got too sidetracked by chatting instead of reading your map and planning ahead how the route would go. So you left the decision making there to the last minute or too late. That causes problems and errors. It would be very irritating to be honest.

Lets not pretend we are all perfect though. Even the best navigator can make a mistake now and then, and have to help put it right. In twenty years of navigating by road atlas (and about 10 by reading satnav now) I made my share, though still usually had us going in the right direction. Not far out of our way.

That said, I'm a generally pretty good navigator and have a decent sense of direction. Unlike my DH, who has a poor sense of direction but won't admit to that. He used to be so convinced of being correct that he tended not to believe his navigator (usually me) and just wouldn't listen to directions. So that was what used to cause tension between us.

He uses satnav now and doesn't seem to actually argue with that, although will still tut loudly and seem a bit incredulous sometimes.

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:45

nomas · 01/02/2026 17:43

Yeah rather more than you telling ‘you’re the only one who thinks so’. Why lie?

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It’s 2/3 before drip feed have a look

MyballsareSandy2015 · 01/02/2026 17:44

The driver should be in charge of the satnavs/directions …we’ve had too many failings out with your way of doing it.

NewsOfMidLevelPortent · 01/02/2026 17:44

DH would have divorced me many years ago if he were this sensitive to being snapped at, because I can be snippy when annoyed. Likewise, I could have left him within the first few years if I couldn't look past his own irritating behaviours and minor shortcomings. We're all only human. I wouldn't contemplate breaking up with someone I really liked over something like this, personally.

nomas · 01/02/2026 17:44

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:43

Omg how do you cope in the world

dumped For “tutting” after major frustrations

Edited
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With a sat nav.

nomas · 01/02/2026 17:43

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:42

Look at the vote

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Yeah rather more than you telling ‘you’re the only one who thinks so’. Why lie?

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:43

nomas · 01/02/2026 17:43

it’s a non issue and normal behaviour from him

If that is his and yours idea of normal behaviour, he needs to be dumped asap.

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Omg how do you cope in the world

dumped For “tutting” after major frustrations

CypressGrove · 01/02/2026 17:43

Why was he relying on you for directions in the first place? What does he do when he is driving on his own?

nomas · 01/02/2026 17:43

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:41

😂😂 brand

yes 2/3 said you being unreasonable and that was before your drip feed

it’s a non issue and normal behaviour from him

so he just tutted rather than snapping at you - thank for that further clarification

Edited
Show quote history

it’s a non issue and normal behaviour from him

If that is his and yours idea of normal behaviour, he needs to be dumped asap.

Original poster
Snappyg666 · 01/02/2026 17:43

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:41

😂😂 brand

yes 2/3 said you being unreasonable and that was before your drip feed

it’s a non issue and normal behaviour from him

so he just tutted rather than snapping at you - thank for that further clarification

Edited
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Yep I received your opinion loud and clear!

OP posts:
FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:42

nomas · 01/02/2026 17:41

No, a lot of people have told OP the boyfriend was wrong, read the thread.

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Look at the vote

Tonissister · 01/02/2026 17:42

Snappyg666 · 01/02/2026 15:50

Oh I should add:
It was a 12 hour drive and when we got home he said "im sorry, I think i was harsh back there" and I said "i understand, it could have been dangerous" but now I regret not making a point

Why? It's horrible to be driving and not know what lane you are supposed to be in or where to turn. He's allowed to be ratty about that. People are allowed to express the full range of their emotions and this was a moment where irritation is a normal response.

Don't turn it into something bigger than it is. He apologised for being ratty, you apologised for not focusing. Both did minor things wrong, both said sorry. End of. Totally normal. No red flags.

But honestly, use sat nav!

Original poster
Snappyg666 · 01/02/2026 17:42

InMyOodie · 01/02/2026 17:38

If he didn't swear at her, why did he apologise for 'being harsh'?

He was swearing at her. I'd bin him.

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That's a good point. He didnt need to apologise at all because after his tutting we had 30 seconds of silence and then got straight back to normal and I didnt bring it up

OP posts:
wrongthinker · 01/02/2026 17:41

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:38

So about two people on whole thread now we’ve had the drip feed

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I don't believe that being in a minority makes me automatically wrong. Especially not on MN where most commenters seem to be mainly looking for a pretext on which to give the OP a good kicking.

nomas · 01/02/2026 17:41

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:38

So about two people on whole thread now we’ve had the drip feed

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No, a lot of people have told OP the boyfriend was wrong, read the thread.

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:41

Snappyg666 · 01/02/2026 17:40

Meaning an otherwise lovely longterm established partner tutting FFS after I gave tardy instructions on a long drive? Not a big deal.

A boyfriend of 3 months who I am still getting to know and who is presumably still trying to manage his brand image somewhat?

Yeah that gives me pause for thought and im going to do a quick temperature check with other women via MN, if thats okay with you FishFingerSandwichs

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😂😂 brand

yes 2/3 said you being unreasonable and that was before your drip feed

it’s a non issue and normal behaviour from him

so he just tutted rather than snapping at you - thank for that further clarification

nomas · 01/02/2026 17:41

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:37

But that isn’t what she has laid out

2/3 people thinks she’s wrong and she keeps arguing - also that voting was done before she drip fed what she did so prob more 3/3 now

anyone can say they don’t want to navigate - you have no idea of the set up and why they wee using a map - I don’t know why you keep mentioning sat nav - THEY WERE NOT USING IT

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So what do you want OP to do, meekly say she is wrong, and you are right?

The point is he should have been using it. Relying on a passenger to be a directions giver for 12 hours is really fucking stupid! You can ask OP why they didn’t use it if you’re so bothered.

Original poster
Snappyg666 · 01/02/2026 17:40

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:29

Meaning….?

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Meaning an otherwise lovely longterm established partner tutting FFS after I gave tardy instructions on a long drive? Not a big deal.

A boyfriend of 3 months who I am still getting to know and who is presumably still trying to manage his brand image somewhat?

Yeah that gives me pause for thought and im going to do a quick temperature check with other women via MN, if thats okay with you FishFingerSandwichs

OP posts:
InMyOodie · 01/02/2026 17:38

NovemberMorn · 01/02/2026 17:36

I think YABU.
He didn't swear AT you, he swore in frustration.... he is human.

If he didn't swear at her, why did he apologise for 'being harsh'?

He was swearing at her. I'd bin him.

FishFingerSandwichs · 01/02/2026 17:38

wrongthinker · 01/02/2026 17:34

They're not the only person who thinks so. I agree.

She made two mistakes in a 12 hour journey. He made several massive mistakes, like not having sat nav and expecting his passenger to behave like a robot and then losing his sense of humour and acting like a dick.

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So about two people on whole thread now we’ve had the drip feed