Hen do activity

I agree... hence why I said the MOH should organise something for the bride.

A hen abroad is bloody expensive so I can see why some people might want to suit themselves to a degree also

In my circle we would usually offer one opt-out kind of activity (that we know everyone won't be into).

Shouldn’t be the bride though that sits activities out on her own hen do surely?

OP I would suggest you say you want to be involved in planning and would like an input

What activity is it? Is there an alternative you can suggest that would be similar? I think either you or your MoH needs to step in and put a foot down on this before money gets committed to it.

Utterly bizarre that the closest people in your life are happy for you to do something you hate at your own hen do. I'd be rethinking my friendships.

I think that's ok to split into 2-3 groups if some want to do something different for a day. You can organise different activities and let people choose.
But you can't have everyone going and leave the bride on her own by the pool!
Even leaving her just with the MOH is rude and lame.

Fuck no.

If you're paying for it, the least they can do is not book an activity you'll hate!

Hmm, I might be in the minority but I’d let them do it for one of the days and chill by the pool. I’d not want to pay for something I hate on my own hen do, but I also think that a weekend abroad is a big commitment for someone else’s hen do and I’d be ok with combining my celebrations with something they want to do.

Is it just you, MOH & bridesmaids going? Or are there other people too?

I've been on plenty of hens where not everyone does the activities for various reasons. In my circle we would usually offer one opt-out kind of activity (that we know everyone won't be into)... e.g. "Sunday some people will go a a 5 hour hike, anyone who doesn't want to attend can instead chill by the pool with the bride and we will all meet for dinner in the evening"

If it's just you, MOH & Bridesmaids then your MOH needs to speak up and say Bride will hate this, I'm not having anything to do with it... I'll organise something special for the bride and you guys can explain why you are doing something else.

Surely the MOH is chief organiser. She needs to put her foot down and say no. Or, she can say ‘that’s fine you can all do X, me and the bride will be doing Y, as I know she’ll prefer Y’

Are you happy to work with your MOH on the itinerary? It would be best if you did this and then MOH can put out a poll on the group chat where people select what they want to do.
are you happy for the party to separate for some of the time?

then people can pick and commit to what they want to do.
If you want everyone together and they don’t like the plan they have the choice to drop out before anything is booked.

OP says that it is a weekend abroad and later refers to the activity taking up "one of the three days".

Where are you getting 7 days from?

Wow. Sorry OP, your friends sound less than ideal. But your MOH shouldn’t have stressed you out with this and put you in this uncomfortable position. SHE should have told the bridesmaids absolutely not and put her foot down on your behalf. I don’t know what to suggest but you’re not being unreasonable and I hope these friends make up for their shitty behaviour in other ways xxx have a great time

I don't think you can specify what everyone needs to do for 7 days for sorry!
Week long hen nights are a real indulgence, if people are using their money and their annual leave they are allowed to spend some time doing what they want, you really can't expect 7 whole days dedicated to your upcoming wedding surely?

My hen-do was a shit show because my party booked something that I absolutely wouldnt want to do (think alcohol based for someone who is teetotal.....) Ruined my wedding tbh as I was apparently 'ungrateful' and created a massive atmosphere.
I wish I had put my foot down and said no. I'd rather have not had the hen-do than being made to spend a whole day watching my entire hen party get pissed out of their trees whilst I stood their cold sober

And I think it's fine to say ' you go ahead and do it, I'm not doing or paying for it, I'll meet you later on'.

A few hen dos I've been on not everyone has done all of the activities for various reasons.

It does sound shitty OP, and agree they've forgotten it's not so much a holiday for them but a celebration for you - although I guess that's to be expected when they've turned into trips abroad and much larger financial commitments than a night round town. Not judging, it's the same in my friendship group.

I do think you need to put you (or your maid of honour) need to put your foot down. Can she communicate with the others that she sounded you out about it as a hypothetical and you were quite upset by the prospect?

What is it? That’s seriously unfair are they always this selfish and mean?

Surely all you need is to agree a compromise?

If your bridesmaids are paying for themselves to go abroad for YOUR hen do, you don’t then get to dictate how they spend all their time once there.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with some of them going off to do their preferred activity for a day and you spending that time with your MoH doing something else. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Presumably, you’ll get together in the evening for a meal etc?

I’m not wasting £££ and precious leave just to indulge someone else’s whims 24/7.

That would be very Bridezilla.

That would colour my view of the whole trip. They are being incredibly selfish. As others have said they are turning it into their trip with your hen celebration being an add on, something they will participate in unless there's something they would prefer to do. To be honest, I think it would give me second thoughts about having them as bridesmaids.

I don't like lying but on this occasion I would say I had incurred a large unexpected expense and needed to cut back on the hen trip and bridesmaids. And I wouldn't be drawn into explaining what the expense was. Then I would have a weekend away with my maid of honour.

They might not like it but I'm not sure I'd like them much if they thought I could just suck up a very expensive, miserable day doing something I hate on my hen trip because they wanted to do it.

OP- you know this is insanity. Its your hen do and for them to try to force you into doing something you would hate just because they like it is just awful.

Of course you can put your foot down and say no. You dont have to people please - this is your hen do. You have full permission to do this

Just say - really sorry, im not up for doing XX. Suggest we do YY instead. Please dont book XX.

OP, this is outrageous, and I agree with a PP that this is a holiday for,the bridesmaids with a hen-do tacked on. Tell the MOH that not only do you not want to do this activity, you’re absolutely not paying for it, and if they are hell-bent on doing it, it will be without you (which will put into perspective just where the focus of this hen do actually is).