I'm the problem aren't I? Please be honest.

If you are training to be a therapist wouldn't it be better to engage with your mother whom you say is a narcissist

@feelingutterlyhopeless
Durham University has carried out a lot of research into the behaviour of narcissists. A lot of your behaviour might fit into narcissistic type behaviour. Do look up the research and read it. For example typical narcissistic behaviour presents as defensive, anxious and hypersensitive to criticism. There is a constant self-focus. Does this sound like you?
https://theconversation.com/what-weve-learned-about-narcissism-over-the-past-30-years-258505

No, she didn't say that. And if she did she should not be a counsellor at all and is a danger to those around her.

Signed - someone who used to be a counsellor.

Whatever you do never use ChatGpt or any other chatbot (they are not intelligent so I don't call them ai) for therapy. Not. Ever.

They are programmed to please you, they will tell you what you want to hear they will not challenge you, they don''t think and they are not able to be therapists.

If you give "ai" clues it will realise what you want and tell you that everyone around you is the problem. If you insist, it will change its diagnosis over and over.

Several young people have killed themselves because of "ai" .

One stalker has been harassing her ex psychiatrist using "ai" to confirm he is in love with her though he met her twice and gave absolutely zero information to even slightly suggest that he had in any way breached any boundaries.

'One woman’s saga about falling for her psychiatrist, which she documented in dozens of videos on TikTok, has generated concerns from viewers who say she relied on AI chatbots to reinforce her claims that he manipulated her into developing romantic feelings.

Last month, a prominent OpenAI investor garnered a similar response from people who worried the venture capitalist was going through a potential AI-induced mental health crisis after he claimed on X to be the target of “a nongovernmental system.”

And earlier this year, a thread in a ChatGPT subreddit gained traction after a user sought guidance from the community, claiming their partner was convinced the chatbot “gives him the answers to the universe.”

Their experiences have roused growing awareness about how AI chatbots can influence people’s perceptions and otherwise impact their mental health, especially as such bots have become notorious for their people-pleasing tendencies."

Never. Ever. Ever. Ever. Use them for therapy.

https://people.com/woman-who-fell-in-love-with-her-psychiatrist-speaks-out-exclusive-11789877

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2026/jan/08/google-character-ai-settlement-teen-suicide

she told me yesterday she's noticed I'm using her more since my separation. I'm hurt by this because I just wanted someone familiar around at some lonely times.

My underlining. It seems your sister has a point. You are using her for your needs - seeing her because you're lonely, not because your interested in her specifically.

My current counsellor says it's the ones with trauma that make the best counsellors.

I'll bet this shiny pound coin on her having become a therapist because she has trauma. It's understandable that the jobs we think about doing are the ones we see - like all opticians being glasses wearers - but it doesn't necessarily follow that we're best suited to fixing things we have problems with ourselves. As a minimum, the job should be restricted to people who have successfully dealt with their trauma, not those still up to their eyeballs in the drama.

People who think others are using them are generally not in a good place and overly paranoid imo. They don’t realise people are busy and have their own stuff going on and then things change/ shit happens and they move to be back to the people they need/ want to be near. Op I’d say get back to enjoying life and take a break from worrying about all of this/analysing your life. Be with your kids/ find stuff you can enjoy by yourself and start enjoying life where you can x

Being a single mum is indeed the hardest thing on earth, so I apologise if I am being too harsh. But don't cut yourself off from your sisters.

Op, why do you cut off from your sisters instead of rejigging the relationships to be more like ones that they can bear?

Both your sisters voiced that they find your marital woes and traumas too much. So the obvious thing would be that you would apologise and resolve, to yourself, not to over share.

Keep your problems aside and just enjoy a relaxing, loving time when in their company.

Find ways, not involving them, to fix your problems.

Hear this revelation today - Everyone has major stumbles, dramas and low days. Every person is managing large problems of their own. Rejoice in the company of close family and friends because you can laugh, forget about burdens and know that you are loved.

Try this exercise - Zip it. (shut mouth) Open your ears and eyes. Sometimes just listening to how other people's lives are going teaches us helpful things that we didn't know.

Being a single mother without family support or a partner can be very challenging, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed by these difficulties. I’ve experienced this myself. What kept me going was the support of a friend, managing my work and children. Now, after taking some time for myself, I’ve returned to dating and feel genuinely happy. Remember, you're not alone, and better days are on the horizon! Ultimately, only you can decide when those days come.

And one younger sibling who I thought I was close to but yesterday learned how they really feel about me and how I'm always involving them in my trauma and I'm overly sensitive and they have to tiptoe around me etc which came as a huge shock.

I'm heartbroken at the realisation she doesn't like me as much as i thought she did.

Did your sister say she didn’t like you? Or doesn’t want to remain close?

Or did she simply explain she finds it difficult to hear about your trauma or know how to respond without the risk of upsetting you?

You sound self-reflective, OP. Could you not thank your sister for letting you know how she feels and that you’ve taken it on board. And when you see her from now on, focus on having a happy time together, rather than offloading to her, unless you really need to.

I’ve had mental health issues in the past 2 years where I’ve been hospitalised. The family don’t really like me talking about this. However, I have had talking therapy during this time which really helped me.

I’ve learned now to do as others have suggested, walks, seeing friends and family and sometimes speaking about my past and problems but generally not.

Too much navel gazing means you just look inside yourself and can tend to dwell on your own problems rather than move forwards.

I actually think the counselling course could be a good move forwards for you and to repair yourself.

Well she would, wouldn't she.

The most unstable and difficult person I knew, is apparently now a counsellor. That terrifies me. And yes, those still in touch with her have confirmed that she's still unstable and difficult.

Sensible people don’t. It horrifies me when people suggest putting sensitive info into AI like co pilot/chat gpt. A lot of mumsnet users run their replies through chat gpt before they post them.

people are for sure going to lose critical thinking skills

Yes I kind of feel the same.

I actually think (from my own admittedly limited) experience and observing the experiences of others (friends, family) that 'talking therapy' can make things worse. Much much worse. I am an introvert and a very anxious person and I twist myself into knots over things (doing it now actually over some legal issues we are currently experiencing). I think it's healthier for people like me to go and take a walk or pick up a hobby. I heard a thing on Radio 4 months ago where they talked about this. Talking therapy vs people who say 'shit happens, move on'. I am actively trying to do the latter for myself, but it's a work in progress. What I DO know is that counselling - for me- tends to keep me stuck.

Yes, my parents were different. Both dead now though.

Yep.

Find a hobby. Be around people who are happy and outgoing. Think about anything other than your issues. Watch amusing stuff on TV. Get outside your head.

I honestly think that if I hadn't done those things, I'd be in an awful place right now.
I had a couple of sessions with a perfectly pleasant and highly recommended counsellor, and recognised straight away that focusing on my head was not helpful. You might well call me avoidant, but I'm a lot more mentally healthy by focusing out rather than in.

You counsellor couldn't be more wrong to be honest.

Especially as you clearly haven't learnt to deal with any of yours.

I am lucky. I have a mum and sister who like details of my life. But I don't tell them too much. And I make sure to tell them fun stuff too. They have their own issues.

@feelingutterlyhopeless oh love, I have huge empathy.
With slightly different dynamics, I now don't tell anyone how I'm really feeling because, well, I feel shit.

Being a single mum is hard work & it's hard to find time to explore your emotions safely.
I hope your therapist gets you where you need to be 🪷

Ultimately, a therapist is a running a business. Its a lot easier to keep a client by asking them unpick more at the next session, than it is to find another client and have a gap in their income while they find them.

My take on this is that family (based on mine) can't really be arsed with the details of each other's lives. My brothers don't like me "oversharing" - which in my view is just having an ordinary conversation. They're just not that interested!

Realising this has saved me a lot of anguish wondering what I was doing wrong. Sibling relationships can be kept entirely brief and superficial, job done.

It does come across as you keep having to go through issues you have had over and over. Do you ever just go out and have fun with someone. Have a laugh and not make any reference to any bad times you are having or have had in the past.

It can be exhausting listening to the same stuff over and over

Talking through your trauma over and over is clearly not pleasing anyone of your relatives

The need to talk things through and get to the bottom of everything to fix and repair given a lot of this is historic trauma and in your mind not fixed or repaired should tell you that this method isn’t working.
Involving people who are not responsible for any of it. Isn’t fixing anything. If anything it is like picking at a scab to make sure it never heals.

You can talk about stuff in the moment to the person who has caused you this trauma and you can have a conversation about it with others but when that conversation is over try to not repeat it

When people ask how you are doing, dont take the question literally. The answer always is Fine, how are you today?

It is a passing comment that people say. They aren’t actually interested in your life.

I don’t think anyone hates you but more that they don’t want to hear the same depressing conversation over and over. They want to connect with someone who goes out and has a good time and lets them talk about what is happening in their lives as well,

Have you considered trying something like Cognitive Analytical Therapy rather than just counselling? I find counselling rather allows me to ruminate round in circles rather than get to the root cause of issues. If you can afford it, it might be worth trying another form of therapy, and good for your own future practice as well.

The part of your post which made me think you are the issue is where you say “I apologise to keep the peace”.
it might be phrasing or simply the format of this interaction but you seem to be avoiding responsibility or acknowledging the impact of your actions. Each comment where you identify that you may have some bearing on a negative situation comes with a victim statement or justification/shifting the blame.
alos. Please don’t ask someone if they find someone else’s trauma “overstimulating”! That’s wildly loaded and puts a lot of pressure on your friend.