I'm the problem aren't I? Please be honest.

Hard to tell from what you’ve written but it sounds like you’ve taken on this people pleasing role and the people around you don’t like it when you ask for anything in return. It sounds like you have low self esteem and allow people to treat you as they wish.

If that rings true then maybe you are the problem but not in the way you think. Realising that you can’t change people and you don’t have to ruin your own life to be there for people who don’t care about you will do you some good.

It’s really hard to tell from one post. It does sound like you’ve had a horrible time of it. But I do get a sense from your post that you might be “offloading” to other people or using other people as a crutch rather than managing things yourself or with the help of a professional (like a counsellor or therapist).

It can be utterly exhausting and actually quite lonely to be friends with someone who is always in the middle of a drama or a Friday. IME these people can also be quite selfish in seeing how their behaviour is affecting friends and not asking about others. And for me friendships or family relationships can become toxic if one side is in the role of relationship counsellor/ therapist all the time.

I would hope I would help my friends if they needed it and we do offload, but that’s tempered with a good amount of fun, teasing and just relaxing and taking things easy.

Only you know if there’s any truth in this, but maybe think about a counsellor and try to keep things light hearted for a bit with family/ friends.

No, I don't think it is necessarily you.

Families can have weird dynamics.

DH is one of five, and currently only in contact with one sibling and his dad (parents are divorced). No doubt the rest of them would paint him as the problem. It's because he no longer goes along with what they think he should do, and they cope by presenting a particular image of themselves as a nice middle-class family when actually some really problematic things have happened.

He's not the problem. He's wonderful.

Please don't be hard on yourself. You sound like the classic 'scapegoat' / 'black sheep'.

go and talk it out in your therapy sessions Or co pilot . Co pilot can be very good at unpicking things like this.

human relationships are very complex and often not black and white.

all we can do is reflect on our own part in them and manage that.

your list of positive qualities is suggesting that you do struggle with managing boundaries and interpersonal relationships. People pleasing and apologising to keep the peace are not conducive to healthy adult relationships.

but you are here asking the questions and that show’s curiosity and self reflection which is excellent. You just need to work this through with someone.

good luck.

Ah op, it sounds like a very lonely place to be. It struck me while watching that Nicky Campbell programme where he reunites family’s how different each siblings experience growing up can be. Parents putting one child up for adoption and then going on to have other kids and keeping them. What I’m trying to say is that people/parents/siblings do whatever they need to do to survive and protect themselves. Your dad, your siblings, are possibly marching to your mother’s tune to stay in the fold. Picking the bigger team? There is a reason why things are the way you feel they are. It is probably not just a you problem but you must be open to explore that you are handling it all in the wrong way.

With regards to how to move forward, definitely counselling. Keep your off loading for that as much as you can. Decide to make a conscious effort to not dump on friends or siblings. Start today with what you can do straightaway and look into finding a good counsellor. Good luck.