My promised lie-in today...but DH "feeling very unwell"

You can still vent here though OP. It's crap really looking forward to sleep then not getting it.

With the update I’d say you’re both deserving of the lie in! But given his job is a demanding one you probably have a bit more control over your sleeping and rest than he does. Are you working too?

I’m not sure where you are but doesn’t the army subsidise nursery places? It sounds like something you would be thinking about and it would be great to get DC used to going before baby arrives?

I don’t think they mean a lie in as in 10am, more unbroken sleep and a usual work wake up time rather than a before dawn toddler wake up time. When my dc were tiny, a work overnighter would be bliss for DH (not that he ever got up with the kids when he was at home).

How does anyone lie in every day on any work trip?

This is a hard one because of his physically demanding job. When he does wake up is there any chance you can try and rest yourself for an hour or so. If not don’t put to much pressure on yourself this week. Do the bare minimum around the house and rest up as much as possible. Ask for help from family and friends. If toddler isn’t in a nursery maybe look at putting them in one so you can at least get some time to yourself.

I was all ready to say he was being incredibly unfair but having read your update I think you should let him rest, as hard as it is for you. Presumably if your toddler wakes at 5 they either nap in the day or go to bed early and I would suggest that while DH is away you make sure you rest during the nap and/or go to bed early too, just doing the minimum of chores etc. to keep things ticking over.

While an ordinary work trip is a blast compared to looking after a toddler in your first trimester, if he’s in the army that’s not the case. Is there anyone who can come and help you a bit while he is away?

That does make me have a bit more sympathy but ….it is still far too easy for your wellbeing to shift into second place here without a second thought.

Actually YANBU. If you have to solider on no matter what and he can cry off ill whenever he wants than that’s unfair. Looking after a toddler is work. Hard, never ending work! A labour of love, of course, but it still requires you to be on duty 24/7. And you’re pregnant FFS. If it were me, I’d be fuming!! A three week work trip too! I don’t know many people who go away that long for work but frankly it sounds chill….even if the work is hard, presumably there’s a hotel bed, with no small children, where he can sleep every night in peace (I say this as someone who has a four year old snuggled under my arm - I wouldn’t change it for the world but I’m allowed to be tired!)

You need to sort this before DC2 arrives because, as lovely as it is, two kids are overwhelming compared with just one. No lie ins, you being a SAHM 24/7 etc will soon build resentment. You need equal downtime, the same rules applied when I’ll etc. It sounds from your post that being a SAHM isn’t valued by your DH.

I work in a senior role earning 6 figures. My day to day is 1000 times easier than looking after a child. I get to use my expertise, people are rationale (well, there’s a couple of our SLT who behave like giant toddlers but that’s a story for another day).and I can eat and drink when I want, pause to read an article etc. If I were a man, I’m sure I could claim a privileged status that meant I could opt out of all the house/child things due to my salary and working so hard. But I’m a woman, and a mum, so I juggle it all! I do it gladly, don’t get me wrong, but it just shows what utter BS we let men get away with.

My mum never worked and my dad was a bit of an arsehole about it. Positioned himself as the one who worked hard. I look back now and see my mum raise three of us with no help and not that much money and I think - wow - she was the one who worked tirelessly. She couldn’t waltz out the door like my dad did.

He can lie in everyday on his work trip, you won’t be able to. I’m sorry but he needs to let you rest and get up and look after your toddler. If he’s so ill that he can’t, then sounds like he’s too ill for the work trip as well.

You're not remotely being unreasonable.

Unless he is very, very unwell then he is being unreasonable.