My promised lie-in today...but DH "feeling very unwell"

Am I correct that you’re pregnant OP or have I read that wrong? It’s definitely true that your DH has a hard job, but there is no reason why you and your wellbeing needs to come bottom of the pile every time. You are on your own with no family, your DH is your only family who can help give you a tiny break. If your DH feels even remotely better today I would prioritise a nap for yourself to catch up on some sleep.

Put a gate on the toddlers room, get them an alarm clock eith bunny ears that pop up, set it for 7am and tell them they can't get up until then .
Make sure they have books and quiet toys.

Obviously not for today, but longer term you have to sort this. Getting up at 5am everyday is unsustainable.

Once dh is up and about, go back to bed for a couple of hours. Not the same as a lie in but it will help.

Have you any family who can support you when he's away?

Nobody is 'being unreasonable' OP. You're in a rubbish situation. It happens and short term blips like this aren't going to affect your baby so just lower the expectations a bit for a day or 2 and you'll all be fine 💛

Agree

We only have 1 life.
You’ll never get this time with your child again.
Try to find the lovely things.

Some of the responses I am legitimately shocked by.. (not the things you are saying, OP, you seem to recognise that it is indeed silly to get upset over someone getting sick and needing to get better). The ones that are all about "me me me". I don't know, if my wife is ill, no matter how tired I am and how shitty week/month/year I am having, I am getting up and do what needs doing... Even if it's a bit hectic. And it goes both ways. If I was sick, my wife would do the same.
Do people realise getting ill is not a choice and it is not being done to you or to spite you, mess up your lie-in specifically? Little empathy instead of entitlement goes a long way... "but, but it was promised". Yeah, and life sometimes gets in the way.

Definitely this!

I mean, I’m going to take the opposite view. He’s used to having to suck it up and carry on at work, so if this is your last chance for a lie in for a long time, then he should have got up. He could always have gone back to bed a bit later when you’re up and looking after your toddler!

I might be biased though. The cold that our 4-month-old and I have had all week has made its way to my DH, and suddenly he’s dying. Been lying in bed all night doing honest-to-god, motherfudging groaning. I’m now pumping, having been up all night with the little one who’s still a bit ill and has been kept awake by her dad’s theatrics…and he’s just emerged from the bedroom long enough for an ‘uggggggghhhhh…two slices of toast, please.’

I don’t think you’re being uncaring at all, OP. Fancy a ‘Strangers on a Train’ set up for these drama llamas? 😂

He needs to get his arse out of bed. I would be making a lot of noise.

He presumably wouldn’t also be in the army or the previous poster said a company director without a wife.
Those of us who were single parents had jobs that worked around kids. If the childcare was ill ( or closed in an emergency) then it’s back on us.

I think the whole lie in thing is compounded by you both being home at the weekend.
Is it not easier when he’s away and you and toddler can just do your thing. Go to bed earlier, all go for a nap after a walk etc. It’s not easy but it’s manageable and theres no one to feel resentful of.

I'd said YANBU, until you said he was military. YANBU to feel upset you can't sleep in when you're exhausted, but unfortunately the military is one of those jobs I'd say you do need the rest and try to recover for and he probably shouldn't have to push through if he's feeling really rough. They're handling weapons and all sorts. It's shit for you, and rotten timing though.

If he's in the army I assume he is on manoeuvres for 3 weeks, probably on something like Salisbury Plain doing war games? He's not on a business trip where he's sleeping in an hotel and getting meals in the restaurant. I'm sorry you aren't getting a lie in OP, but he's going to be spending the next 3 weeks on alert, doing physical training or being lectured on the training. Not doing well is going to impact him, his progress in the army. It can be tough being the spouse of a person who is in the military. I have every sympathy for you but it's the reality of your life now.
Try to rest when your little one does. Even if you aren't sleeping then you can rest.

Yes this! Once she reached 18MO my dd was welcome in our bed but I refused to get up til 6:30. She could have snuggles in bed and play on educational app on my phone or look at a book whilst I dozed until at least 06:30. I might read her said book if I was awake enough.

Go have a long bath and nap this afternoon whilst your dh takes over.

I'm not sure why literally no one is suggesting starting to sleep train the toddler, as a more long term solution?

Is it literally impossible to teach them to stay quietly in bed and read at that age?

I'm genuinely asking, I'm from Continental Europe, in a country where parenting is a lot less child led so that would be done before age 5.

Being on AL/maternity leave from work with a toddler and a baby was far easier that working. Being a SAHP would be a doddle in comparison to working, I can confirm as I did both.
Depends on your job maybe or your attitude?

@ my first used to get up that early. When my second came along, there would be nights that I was just getting the newborn off to sleep and the toddler would be up for the day. It was hell. You need to work as a team and he isn’t.

I am very calm thank you.
I think a lot of people have a very warped sense of work. I don't swan out of the door on a Monday morning thankful I can have a coffee in peace (I can't) or amazing bathroom breaks alone (I'm alone but it's in and out in 30 seconds) ànd my lunch break usually involves reading and answering personal emails (car insurance/vets/doctors/school etc etc). Work is work and the constant need to validate SAHP's by saying they have it sooooo much harder is just ridiculous (as proven in this particular situation! Let's all argue how much easier the soldier has it when he swans off to work!).
I feel sorry for OP, I really do. It's not nice to think you're getting extra time in bed and then it doesn't happen. Realistically though, when her husband is working next week OP can nap with the toddler or go to bed at the same time as the toddler and catch up on sleep that way.

True and actually I missed the him being in the army bit. BUT comparisons are wrong anyway. I shouldn’t have said it. A SAHM can only stay at home because of the working partner and vice versa. He can only work because of you. One supports the other and it’s become uneven in theirs as op feels unsupported.

Do you have a family to go back to? If he’s away for 3 weeks can you fly home to your parents for a month?

When I'm away with work it's often an earlier start and later finish than I have when I'm at home - but yeah keep thinking that every time someone is working away they're on some kind of jolly!

Unless he’s isolating or you’re masked, likely you’ll end up with the same virus shortly. Good luck!

ps. He’s unwell so I think you’re being unreasonable.

I think technically you'rs right. In this situation I sometimes get up and go back to bed once he's down.