Page 2 | My promised lie-in today...but DH "feeling very unwell"

Idontspeakgermansorry · 2026-02-01T04:33:40+00:00

I'm going to sound mean and heartless writing this because I do think he's genuinely got a cold. But it's just so unfair! I get up with the toddler everyday, no matter how I'm feeling, because I have no choice and that's just what you do as a parent. I just went through the first trimester and still dragged myself out of bed at 5am (the latest our toddler will sleep no matter what we do), despite the nausea, exhaustion, vomiting, and migraines. Everyday, except my one weekend lie-in anyway. DH does work very hard and I am a SAHM so maybe that makes me even more unreasonable for being a bit annoyed, idk. He's also leaving next weekend for a 3 week work trip and this was my last chance to sleep in so that's probably compounding my feelings too. I know IABU because he's sick and needs to rest before he goes to work tomorrow. This is maybe just more of a tired vent.

exhaustDAD · 01/02/2026 11:33

@Idontspeakgermansorry Well that puts things more in perspective... knowing an easier week is coming his way, he should have made more effort.
When you ask him to, what does he say?

ginasevern · 01/02/2026 11:33

I've been a SAHM and a full time working mum/wife and I'm sorry, but it is much easier to grab some down time when you're a SAHM. Anyone who can't is either doing something very wrong or has 10 kids all under 11 or some other mitigating factors. And I know for a fact I'd rather feel like crap as a SAHM than when dragging myself into work on a cold winter's morning.

exhaustDAD · 01/02/2026 11:32

usedtobeaylis · 01/02/2026 11:20

Right, so you're rolling back on "they need to pick up when the other one is poorly, however difficult it is..."?

Imagine my surprise.

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Not at all. It is just being pragmatic and weighing things...
Having said that - the latest update from OP is a crucial detail that was nor known until know, with that in mind, he should have definitely gotten up and make more effort.

MTOandMe · 01/02/2026 11:28

Brefugee · 01/02/2026 11:09

how many times have you been away soldering with a cold?

I have and it is shit. And if we want our army to work, we need them to be trained and fit.

It is a fact of OPs life that she has a soldier for a husband - there is a reason why the wives club where my dad was once based all had t-shirts bearing the legend "Army Wife - toughest job in the army"

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Oh give over. It’s also a fact of OP’s husbands life that he’s got a pregnant wife and a child and he might need to look after them for ONE morning a week. If he can’t do that then as I said, he’ll not be a very good soldier when he’s not training and he’s, you know, having to be a fucking soldier.

Original poster

Idontspeakgermansorry · 01/02/2026 11:28

@exhaustDAD just to be clear, his work this coming week is a normal work week. PT and then mostly paperwork. He's not leaving for his training exercise, until next weekend.

OP posts:

usedtobeaylis · 01/02/2026 11:21

MTOandMe · 01/02/2026 11:07

No, I’m sorry but I disagree with the ‘he’s a soldier with a cold he deserves the lie-in and sympathy’. Does he fuck! He’s got a cold, not a terminal cancer diagnosis. Not going to be a right good soldier is he is he if he can’t get up early and look after his child when he’s got the sniffles. Imagine him telling his superior ‘ooh I’m not up to fighting the Russians today boss, I’ve got a runny nose’. He’s having your pants down OP.

Exactly. And if staying in bed doing nothing was going to get him better quicker, then he should have turned YouTube off earlier.

usedtobeaylis · 01/02/2026 11:20

exhaustDAD · 01/02/2026 11:16

It is not wilful blindness, mind you. I think everybody acknowledges the difficulties that come with pregnancy. But you really don't see the difference between dragging yourself out of bed and getting on with BEING-STAY-AT-HOME and dragging yourself out of bed and getting on GOING TO WORK AT THE MILITARY AT THE CRACK OF DAWN (OP's words, btw). Please, don't misunderstand me, I am not saying staying at home is not an important and taxing job. But feeling like crap while staying at home has less weight than feeling like crap at work, a physically demanding work to make it even worse. Your kids cannot fire you if you have a not-so-great day, if lunch is not done on time, or the laundry is not done. Messing up work for whatever reason can bring in rather important results... losing a job.. which we can all agree will impact not just him, but their entire family unit. So maybe, just maybe, it is important he does get better by the time he needs to go back to work tomorrow.

Now i must add, if this was on on-going thing, constantly happening at OP's expense, yeah, that would be a piss-take. But come on...

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Right, so you're rolling back on "they need to pick up when the other one is poorly, however difficult it is..."?

Imagine my surprise.

exhaustDAD · 01/02/2026 11:16

usedtobeaylis · 01/02/2026 10:58

The reality is that he hasn't been picking up when she's been feeling unwell. She has outlined the circumstances, that she is always up with the toddler, despite a shit first trimester. Every single day except her one weekend lie in. He didn't give up his lie in the last few weeks when she's been feeling unwell and struggling. How do people have this wilful blindness?

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It is not wilful blindness, mind you. I think everybody acknowledges the difficulties that come with pregnancy. But you really don't see the difference between dragging yourself out of bed and getting on with BEING-STAY-AT-HOME and dragging yourself out of bed and getting on GOING TO WORK AT THE MILITARY AT THE CRACK OF DAWN (OP's words, btw). Please, don't misunderstand me, I am not saying staying at home is not an important and taxing job. But feeling like crap while staying at home has less weight than feeling like crap at work, a physically demanding work to make it even worse. Your kids cannot fire you if you have a not-so-great day, if lunch is not done on time, or the laundry is not done. Messing up work for whatever reason can bring in rather important results... losing a job.. which we can all agree will impact not just him, but their entire family unit. So maybe, just maybe, it is important he does get better by the time he needs to go back to work tomorrow.

Now i must add, if this was on on-going thing, constantly happening at OP's expense, yeah, that would be a piss-take. But come on...

Saharafordessert · 01/02/2026 11:14

I voted YANBU but given your update re his job I’ve actually changed my mind….sorry OP!

Brefugee · 01/02/2026 11:09

MTOandMe · 01/02/2026 11:07

No, I’m sorry but I disagree with the ‘he’s a soldier with a cold he deserves the lie-in and sympathy’. Does he fuck! He’s got a cold, not a terminal cancer diagnosis. Not going to be a right good soldier is he is he if he can’t get up early and look after his child when he’s got the sniffles. Imagine him telling his superior ‘ooh I’m not up to fighting the Russians today boss, I’ve got a runny nose’. He’s having your pants down OP.

how many times have you been away soldering with a cold?

I have and it is shit. And if we want our army to work, we need them to be trained and fit.

It is a fact of OPs life that she has a soldier for a husband - there is a reason why the wives club where my dad was once based all had t-shirts bearing the legend "Army Wife - toughest job in the army"

Artesia · 01/02/2026 11:09

Bigearringsbigsmile · 01/02/2026 08:18

By lie, ut means sleeping later than 5am! Lets not pretend that ' normal' business trips involve 5am wake ups every day!

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No. But let's not pretend that you can't grab some down time as a sahp, zone out with a coffee while they play/watch tv/nap. I've been a sahp to 3, and now the main earner, and have regular overseas trips. Both demanding in different ways. Maybe not up at 5am on work trips, but equally have to be "on" from the moment am in the office till the evening functions end. Often with chronic jet lag. And trying to manage usual work on top of a packed day of meetings to make sure delivering value from the trip- so on email til late, juggling time zones.

MTOandMe · 01/02/2026 11:07

No, I’m sorry but I disagree with the ‘he’s a soldier with a cold he deserves the lie-in and sympathy’. Does he fuck! He’s got a cold, not a terminal cancer diagnosis. Not going to be a right good soldier is he is he if he can’t get up early and look after his child when he’s got the sniffles. Imagine him telling his superior ‘ooh I’m not up to fighting the Russians today boss, I’ve got a runny nose’. He’s having your pants down OP.

hypnovic · 01/02/2026 11:07

Flu unreasonable, cold you are not, did he attempt a lemsip and getting the f on with it then concede defeat or just wake up off n go back to sleep ? Its selfish because when you catch it you will be home alone cracking on anyway

Original poster

Idontspeakgermansorry · 01/02/2026 11:06

usedtobeaylis · 01/02/2026 10:58

The reality is that he hasn't been picking up when she's been feeling unwell. She has outlined the circumstances, that she is always up with the toddler, despite a shit first trimester. Every single day except her one weekend lie in. He didn't give up his lie in the last few weeks when she's been feeling unwell and struggling. How do people have this wilful blindness?

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This is true actually. I wanted him to still get his one lie in a week so I made sure that happened, even with really awful morning sickness.

OP posts:

Lauralou19 · 01/02/2026 11:04

Skybluepinky · 01/02/2026 10:54

In reality you have kids end of the lie ins.

The joy when they’re old enough to just watch tv and chill before breakfast without worry. Bliss!

Original poster

Idontspeakgermansorry · 01/02/2026 11:04

Tootiredforthis23 · 01/02/2026 10:27

I think given his job, if he’s actually unwell he does need to rest. I have family in the army and at times there is very little chance to sleep if travelling overseas.

But just as a note about your toddler @Idontspeakgermansorry both my DC went through a phase of waking between 4-5 at a similar age. I trained them out of it, but just by lying in their bedroom with them, next to the cot, with the room still dark and told them it was still night time. It was frustrating at first because they just wanted to get up but after a few days they realised they weren’t going downstairs and lay back down. After a week or two they got used to it and would go back to sleep. They’re both in primary and don’t wake before 7/8 now. I started it with DC1 as I was pregnant and didn’t want to be in a situation with a toddler waking at 5 if I’d been awake half the night with a newborn. I would get a camping mattress to lie on next to the cot though.

Although - having just seen he was awake until 1 I’d be really bloody annoyed with him and be making him do both mornings once he’s back!

Edited

Thanks, that is really helpful about the just lying with her! I've tried before but she's just wanted to get up, but it sounds like I need to persevere with that.

OP posts:

Lauralou19 · 01/02/2026 11:02

Honestly, I think you are both just exhausted. We have been there as SAHM and DH working very long hours and dont let it come between you. Never had a ‘village’ or family close by. I’d move on from it this time but speak to him - being a SAHM with no help is still work. You are not handing the toddler over to grandparents for a rest in the week, it’s 24/7. Explain to him how you are feeling but tiredness can definately block you from seeing the other person’s point of view and you’re probably both at that point! Been there lots of times!

usedtobeaylis · 01/02/2026 10:58

exhaustDAD · 01/02/2026 10:50

There are so many assumptions that it is honestly shocking to me... How can some of you be so comfortable with easily judging and labelling people with just guessing crucial details that you just make up in your head?

The reality is that it is a shitty situation for both of them, and they need to pick up when the other one is poorly, however difficult it is... Today, her when he is ill, next week him, when she has morning sickness.. Instead of getting frustrated with the other person just because they got sick..

The reality is that he hasn't been picking up when she's been feeling unwell. She has outlined the circumstances, that she is always up with the toddler, despite a shit first trimester. Every single day except her one weekend lie in. He didn't give up his lie in the last few weeks when she's been feeling unwell and struggling. How do people have this wilful blindness?

WimbyAce · 01/02/2026 10:56

Sorry but if he was up til 1am then in my eyes he is not sick enough not to get up this morning. Luckily we are past the early starts now but I wouldn't have let this one go. It's a slippery slope especially with another on the way.

Skybluepinky · 01/02/2026 10:54

In reality you have kids end of the lie ins.

exhaustDAD · 01/02/2026 10:50

There are so many assumptions that it is honestly shocking to me... How can some of you be so comfortable with easily judging and labelling people with just guessing crucial details that you just make up in your head?

The reality is that it is a shitty situation for both of them, and they need to pick up when the other one is poorly, however difficult it is... Today, her when he is ill, next week him, when she has morning sickness.. Instead of getting frustrated with the other person just because they got sick..

Theonlywayicanloveyou · 01/02/2026 10:41

metellaestinatrio · 01/02/2026 05:17

I was all ready to say he was being incredibly unfair but having read your update I think you should let him rest, as hard as it is for you. Presumably if your toddler wakes at 5 they either nap in the day or go to bed early and I would suggest that while DH is away you make sure you rest during the nap and/or go to bed early too, just doing the minimum of chores etc. to keep things ticking over.

While an ordinary work trip is a blast compared to looking after a toddler in your first trimester, if he’s in the army that’s not the case. Is there anyone who can come and help you a bit while he is away?

Yeah I agree. I was about to come on here and tear him a new arsehole but soldering is very different to three weeks at a conference centre with a clean crisp bed every night and a breakfast buffet laid out. It’s probably best that he’s fully recovered before he starts his tour/trip.

I’m sorry though, as this is total BS for you too. Make sure you take a nap this afternoon if you can.

FcukBreastCancer · 01/02/2026 10:37

Its a bit shit for both of you.
He may have been watching videos as it was hard to sleep feeling unwell (maybe I'm being generous).
My dh had a tough job and I remember trying to get my toddler to sleep so I could.. and her saying 'not tired mummy '. Sometimes if she fell asleep in car, we would both nap in the car parked on street. Don't miss it.

Manymoresometimes · 01/02/2026 10:37

Badgerandfox227 · 01/02/2026 04:48

He can lie in everyday on his work trip, you won’t be able to. I’m sorry but he needs to let you rest and get up and look after your toddler. If he’s so ill that he can’t, then sounds like he’s too ill for the work trip as well.

Why do you assume he can lie in everyday of his work trip?

usedtobeaylis · 01/02/2026 10:30

He's taking the piss, you must know that. If he can stay up until one in the morning watching YouTube videos than he was able to get his sorry arse out of bed a few hours later and let you have your lie-in. As you well know, you don't get the rest when you're ill. What's good for the goose.