Am I being controlling?

Yes you are being a controlling wife. Try reversing this. How would you feel if he didn’t like what you wore, kept making comments about how awful you look, trying to change you. It’s awful controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour. Take a good hard look at yourself.

How on earth did you find him attractive if you dont like how he dresses or his tattoos?!

This has baffled me!

You married him, now want to change him? No, im sorry thats just horrible.
There is a real difference between requesting him to put on some smart clothes on a one off occassion for a wedding or really fancy restaurant to wanting to change his whole look.

If he isnt good enough how he is then leave him. You sound so very shallow....what do you like about him apart from his physique under his clothes?! (Which is also bizzare as you say you hate his tattoos 😂)

It sounds like you just love his physique and want to show off what you married by changing his dress sense to accentuate these features.

P.s I dont factor in age here there's 14 years between me and my DP (im the cougar 😂 we don't try and change each other, age isnt a factor here)

That poor man. When someone in your life constantly tells you they don’t like something about you - and tries to change it - it will eventually erode your confidence in who you are. When you repeatedly try to change his style, you give him the message that he isn’t good enough and is not living up to your expectation. For his sister to have noticed means it must be really quite overt. Continue like this and you will kill off your marriage - and any confidence your husband had. Hopefully he sees this as the “you problem” it is, and not a flaw in him.

So is wanting your dh to channel DB also mean taking up his habit for extra marital affairs as well? Be grateful for what you've got.

He’s a rocker and must’ve dressed like that when you met him - he’s nearly 50, he’s not going to change - it’s his style.
i may have told DH I’m not keen on a pair of trousers or whatever but it’s not his entire style. We def ask each others’ opinions on some purchases, but I think that’s normal.

I can't believe you married him if that is how he dresses.

I think DB looks absolutely filthy with those tattoos, genuinely awful looking.

His sister is very cheeky to get involved.

Old men dressing like that is particularly sad and no matter how attractive I certainly couldn't get over his appearance, which he is so attached to.

That biker look screams insecurity but as he is unprepared to change you will just have to suck it up.

That is a huge age gap and I think you should think very very carefully about having children with him.

The biker look 10 years from now, approaching 60 will likely give you the Ick.

You sound a bit shallow OP. They are just clothes. Clean and weather / occasion appropriate is kind of a general area for concern I suppose.
Your husband wears the clothes he likes and feels confident in. I expect you do the same. Does he comment on your clothes 🤔. I bet you would be offended if he talked about you as you are talking about him.
It absolutely isn't Ok to try and tell other people what to wear just because you are married.
Leave him be and move on to a more interesting thing to think about.

Bloody hell. You remind me of a ‘friend’ I had who was getting her husband tailor made shirts for his 40th, despite his complete lack of interest in clothes ( especially shirts) because ‘ I think he should have them’, whilst trying to ban his friends from buying him something he’d actually really like for his 40th ( really good whisky).

Leave him alone. He’s lived a lot longer than you and knows who he is, what he likes, and, unlike you, is confident enough in himself not to care what others think of what he likes.

And yes you are controlling.

You lost me at ‘taking inspiration from David Beckham’. I hope you don’t want the full-coverage tattoos, too.

A 16 year age gap is not 'slightly older' 🙄

FYI my stepdad dresses the same. He's not much older than your husband, 52. I'm 32.

Let the poor man wear what he wants, as long as it is clean and in decent repair then it is none of your business. It is not 1960, men don't have to surrender to the M&S beige v neck as soon as they hit 40.

Mr Monkey is in his fifties and as a runner who works for a sports brand, he spends most of his days in shorts and hoodies. As an ex raver his down time dress tends to be trainers, jeans and t shirts.

The only thing I would say (and this applies to women too) as you age it helps if your casual wear is of a better quality and cut. So Mr Monkey's jeans are good quality Japanese demim for example.

Now imagine the backlash if a man behaved the same towards his partner, @Limmies? Just because you're a woman doesn't mean that you can't be an emotionally abusive, coercive controlling partner.

Do him a favour and get divorced because you don't deserve to be in a relationship, you don't have the right personality for it. Get some therapy and CBT to work put why you're so shallow and controlling. Is this learnt behaviour? Maybe your parents/ friends are like this and you thinl it's a normal way to behave.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/6267c429e90e0716982a3250/ContCoerBehavStatGuid_V3-10-04-22.pdf

You'd love my husband then OP! Head to toe in Nike and Adidas 😅

Think about it OP. If you were reading a post on here from a wife saying that her DH was trying to change what she wore, kept buying clothes she wasn’t comfortable with and telling her he wants her to dress more like Victoria beckham, what would you be thinking?
You presumably married your husband because you love who he is? You are being controlling.

Is this a recent dislike of his clothes? It sounds like you don’t like your husband and don’t want to be with him. Is this the case OP?

YABVU

You need to accept him for who he is, the clothes and the tattoos. You are trying to change a man who has always dressed that way and is comfortable with who he is. It is actually an attractive quality to be confident and comfortable with who he is.

If he all of a sudden started to dress differently or stopped washing regularly and wore dirty clothes then you would be more justified to say something as that would be a significant shift

I get why his sister said something as she knows he is happy with himself and it’s actually quite rude of you to suggest he wears something else because you deem it more appropriate no matter how gently you feel you said it, it’s the principle

You actually come across insecure yourself by the fact you’re quick to say how handsome he is but that you hate how dresses, if you’re embarrassed by him that is a you problem to work on and if you wanted a guy that dresses like everyone else you should have married them

Hear hear 👏🏻

@Limmies The pictures you shared are a particular style, rather than a level of smartness. Not a style I like personally.

I am close to your DH's age and jeans, band t-shirt and checked shirt sounds good to me.

I think there is a difference between pointing out that the place you are going to might not be a T-shirt and trainers place and trying to change his whole style.

He sounds very grown up and put together to me, he has a good job by sounds of it and has obviously cultivated his own style, rather than not thinking or caring what he puts on.

I thinking there is also a difference between couples that get together young and grow up together. Your DH was an independent adult and built a life before you got together.

Did she try to change him too?

DP has terrible dress sense. Jeans that are saggy round the bum but tight fighting round the ankle. Awful shape. Horrible boots that look like they belong to a clown. Some very questionable shirts and T-shirts. And flip flops. With aforementioned awful weird saggy tight jeans! But he wore all that stuff when we got together. It’s his style and his choice. He doesn’t care that much about clothes. Over the years I have bought him a few shirts which are similar to the ones he had before but nicer. He really loves them and wears them all the time. Whilst they’re not necessarily what I would pick out for a man given a free rein, I bought them because they were in his style but a bit more updated that his old ones. I wouldn’t have bought him things in a completely different style to his own as (a) that’s very controlling and (b) he wouldn’t wear them! I wouldn’t take kindly to a man (my spouse even!) telling me my style was dreadful and childish and trying to get me to dress like a celebrity they liked the style of! I’d be running for the hills!!!

Yes you’re being horribly controlling. You may think you only nicely suggested a nice outfit for a restaurant in front of his sister, but clearly it was misjudged, hence her comment.

Leave the man be, unless he asks for your advice.

This 100%.

Unless someone asks you for an opinion on their appearance, you don’t critique it or try to change it.

And IMHO band tees and leather jackets are better than what David Beckham wears, though obvs depends on how people wear stuff.

I agree this is a significant age difference op, not a slight one. And there is going to come a point where you realise that fully, in fact I think you’re starting to realise it now, and that’s the root of this, the honey moon period is over and your realising this is a much older man who looks like he’s trying to come across much younger.

i think you’re fine with his age as long as he dresses and looks like a sexy elegant older man, what you don’t want is a ageing man child trying to pretend he’s 30. Fine with his age right now. In two decades It could be very different indeed,

He married a woman 16 years younger and dresses like it's 20+ years ago...

Clearly you can't change him and clearly it is obvious enough that someone's noticed and told you to stop.

Of course you are being controlling. You come across as very immature. Leave the poor man alone.

What’s that saying
men get married hoping their wife stays the same
women get married and try to change the man

honestly why did you marry someone 16 years older than you
your embarrassed by him which is never a good thing

but to be fair I buy most of my other half’s clothes
t-shirts jeans boots coats I think over the years I’ve pretty much bought all of his wardrobe 😂
luckily he likes my taste in clothes and what I buy him looks really good on him