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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being controlling?

469 replies

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:43

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

OP posts:
DreamTheMoors · 02/02/2026 01:27

Aveotittycommune · 01/02/2026 05:24

When she's your age she will be a carer or he will be in a nursing home or no longer 🤷‍♀️😂
Them's the breaks when you marry your dad.

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That’s incest, honey.
That don’t go around here.

Either does trying to be funny when you don’t have the chops.

Melonmango70 · 01/02/2026 19:20

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:26

Why are we suddenly acting like it isn’t a common trope that women have a say in what their husbands wear?

Is it?!

GetDownLittleHenryLee · 01/02/2026 18:23

Honestly, you sound like a bit of an airhead.

MyballsareSandy2015 · 01/02/2026 18:16

16 years!😳

firstofallimadelight · 01/02/2026 18:13

Well switch it round how would you feel if your dh decided you dress really boring and he wanted you to wear leathers and tight clothes so you look sexier. Would you be offended ? would you consider him controlling if he bought you things and expected you to wear them?

brunettemic · 01/02/2026 16:44

Hopefully he finds someone who actually appreciates him soon.

Cosyblankets · 01/02/2026 16:36

Not controlling no
extremely controlling!

99pwithaflake · 01/02/2026 16:35

TalkToTheHand123 · 01/02/2026 16:27

Partners should be considerate or at least have some self respect for themselves at the very least.

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You're right - this man should improve his self-respect and find someone who doesn't belittle how he dresses.

Pigtailsandall · 01/02/2026 16:32

I wear the same clothes as your husband (band tees, leather jackets and jeans) and I'm older than him!

TalkToTheHand123 · 01/02/2026 16:27

99pwithaflake · 01/02/2026 14:10

Ok Hyacinth Hmm

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Partners should be considerate or at least have some self respect for themselves at the very least.

Petitcha · 01/02/2026 14:42

ChillingWithMySnowmies · 01/02/2026 10:28

Jesus, say how you feel. Just because you don't like the fashion doesn't make it 'sad', doesn't mean they're insecure, and nor will it give you the 'ick' at nearly 60 either.

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IMO it is sad.
In the same way I find 60+ year old women wearing short dresses and long hair as if they were in their 30's., almost in competition with their daughters, absolutely sad.

I was recently at a wedding where my nephews new MIL almost tried to make the wedding day about her, and how fab she was for 60, absolutely sad, and I was alone in thinking it had a narc whiff about it.

The OP hates the way he dresses, married him and now expects to change him.

With his preferred dress code, he is clearly locked in and isn't going to suddenly be happy to adapt a more benign look.

A few years older is 3-4 years.
16 is a massive age difference.

99pwithaflake · 01/02/2026 14:10

TalkToTheHand123 · 01/02/2026 14:06

Yes it is him wearing the clothes, but he will be looking common and showing his partner up, which is not acceptable.

Ok Hyacinth Hmm

TheBluntCrab · 01/02/2026 14:09

TalkToTheHand123 · 01/02/2026 14:06

Yes it is him wearing the clothes, but he will be looking common and showing his partner up, which is not acceptable.

😂😂😂😂😂 oh lord...

TalkToTheHand123 · 01/02/2026 14:06

Yes it is him wearing the clothes, but he will be looking common and showing his partner up, which is not acceptable.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 01/02/2026 13:06

its him wearing the clothes not you. If he likes it, it’s really none of your business. Yes, you are being controlling.

99pwithaflake · 01/02/2026 12:50

Your DH is a grown adult who can wear what he wants. Hopefully he also sees sense and finds someone who doesn't think he exists as their own personal dress up doll.

TwistedWonder · 01/02/2026 12:45

Fleur405 · 01/02/2026 11:02

I’m so baffled by this statement. I mean if you live in some sort of 1950s style world where husband goes out to work and wife buys all his underwear and shirts and makes sure all his clothes are ironed and laid out for him each day ready for his job as breadwinner and provider then …. sure.

In my life, I choose, buy and look after my own clothes and then each day I decide in what combination to wear them. My OH does the same. Because we are both fully functioning adults who are capable of getting dressed all on our own. I can honestly say that I have never exerted any influence over what my OH wears except when he’s asked me to help him chose between 2 shirts or 2 ties.

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I’d say my parents are like this but they’re in their 80’s and have always had very traditional gender roles

Other than their generation though I don’t think it’s at all common for women to have any say in how their partner dresses.

SquishySquashyWishyWashy · 01/02/2026 12:39

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:26

Why are we suddenly acting like it isn’t a common trope that women have a say in what their husbands wear?

Nobody has a say on how somebody else dresses (unless they're your child(ren) who aren't adults).

Nanny0gg · 01/02/2026 12:07

Rumpledandcrumpled · 01/02/2026 11:32

One of my neighbours is in his late seventies and dresses like a rocker, hair like rod Stewart and wears faded jeans and leather biker jackets, the only difference is he genuinely was/is a rocker and was something very big in the music industry as his career. He doesn’t talk about it, and deflects, just says music industry, but I think he was in a band as he’s an awesome musician, plus he also drives around in a Ferrari and lives in a massive house and has been married 4 times. And you kind of have to be successful to be living in a massive house and driving Ferraris at 80, when you’ve been divorced 4 times.

but there’s just something about him, you’d never say gosh dress like David beckham, but then the ops husband seems to be in the medical field in some way so very different animal.

Surely you've Googled him??

Nanny0gg · 01/02/2026 12:06

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:44

I mean he’s very physically attractive despite the clothes.

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But his style is very much part of him, so you must have realised that he wasn't going to change it?

Does he ever dress appropriately (in your eyes) for anything?

And he's not 'slightly' older. 16 years is quite a lot. I can't see him changing

TwistedWonder · 01/02/2026 11:36

What’s the betting the OP won’t be back niw she’s had her Saturday night wind up fun?

whyyyyyisitmonddayy · 01/02/2026 11:35

Yes you’re in the wrong. Horrible woman

Rumpledandcrumpled · 01/02/2026 11:32

One of my neighbours is in his late seventies and dresses like a rocker, hair like rod Stewart and wears faded jeans and leather biker jackets, the only difference is he genuinely was/is a rocker and was something very big in the music industry as his career. He doesn’t talk about it, and deflects, just says music industry, but I think he was in a band as he’s an awesome musician, plus he also drives around in a Ferrari and lives in a massive house and has been married 4 times. And you kind of have to be successful to be living in a massive house and driving Ferraris at 80, when you’ve been divorced 4 times.

but there’s just something about him, you’d never say gosh dress like David beckham, but then the ops husband seems to be in the medical field in some way so very different animal.

Emma6cat · 01/02/2026 11:30

Not sure on this one…. I don’t think I could fancy a man who dressed like that in the first place but each to their own. Asking him to change now seems like you have gone off him a bit. Unless he looks dirty and unkempt then you may have to suck it up. But if you have genuinely gone off him and his style then it’s an ick that wont change. It’s usually the things that attract us to someone in the first place (i.e. his individuality and style) end up being the things that turn us off in the end.

TwistedWonder · 01/02/2026 11:10

Ariela · 01/02/2026 11:03

One of my friend's neighbours is almost 80. Overweight, long long grey hair in a pony tail, dresses casually in sweatshirts etc but always looks fine because that's his (large) character. He'd look weird without IMHO. Is something in the film industry, has an Oscar for something technical (3 or 4 people in her road have Oscars it transpired in local pub chat)

My friends partner is mid 60’s has waist length dreadlocks style grey hair he wears in a ponytail and he dresses like a roady for a 70’s rock band. In contrast she’s very feminine with lovely hair and makeup and always in nice dresses.

They look so mismatched as a couple but it works for them and neither has any interest in changing the other. I can’t imagine him ever wearing plain muted clothes - it’s just not him.