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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being controlling?

469 replies

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:43

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

OP posts:
JustGiveMeReason · 31/01/2026 23:36

TY78910 · 31/01/2026 23:10

Also, for his sister to notice OP must be very persistent and probably very unkind about it TO HIS FACE in front of others, not just venting on MN

Show quote history

This

Interesting use of the word "slightly"

and this

meganorks · 31/01/2026 23:35

I just can't understand why you've married him. It's one thing for their to be a few items of clothing you don't like. But to 'despise' the way they dress sounds like you are embarrassed by him. So why marry him? You could suggest other things for him to wear. But you can't make him. And doing it all the time would be awful. Its not even like he is just a guy who doesn't care what he wears. It sounds like he has a very clear sense of his own sense of style and you just hate it!

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 31/01/2026 23:35

MaggieBsBoat · 31/01/2026 23:31

My husband does this. He buys me dresses all the time that he thinks I will look nice in and actually on the surface it’s kind, but actually it’s just a way for him to control what I look like. Is that right? No. You’ve got your answer right there. Deeply unpleasant actually.

Have you asked him to stop?

Forthwith81 · 31/01/2026 23:34

Completely controlling. It's up to him what he wears. Would you like it if he tried to control your clothing choices? I somehow doubt it.

There are some items of clothing my DH wears that I don't particularly like, but I wouldn't dream of telling him not to wear them. He's an autonomous adult. It's part of having a good relationship to respect each other's choices.

Megirlan123 · 31/01/2026 23:34

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:26

Why are we suddenly acting like it isn’t a common trope that women have a say in what their husbands wear?

Eek.because they don’t! I don’t have a say in what my husband wears or vice versa. We may ask each others opinions but that’s very different to what you are doing.

Maria1982 · 31/01/2026 23:34

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:51

I don’t want him in Chelsea boots. Some plain trainers and a nice jumper/shirt would be fine. Instead of the biker jacket and skinny jeans.

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You are missing the point !

it’s not about whether your style preferences are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ , reasonable or unreasonable.

it’s about you trying to get him to change how he dresses. That’s just not on. And frankly if it bothers you so much, you should have said as much to him before getting married.

Happyjoe · 31/01/2026 23:34

The way David Beckham looks? Tattoo's all over? No ta. Don't mind a tat or two, but having so many makes Beckham look dreadful.

I agree with others, I think you're being unfair on him, esp if he's worn these types of clothes for all the time you've been together. Your photo of the man in brown, yucky clothes, honestly, all brown outfit is like an old man's outfit. Give me skinnies any day!

My partner just turned 60. He still wears slim black jeans, converse and punk band t-shirts and his hair is long. Mainly because he's too idle to get it cut and hates the small talk in a barbers. I don't care what he looks like as long as he's clean!

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 31/01/2026 23:34

TwistedWonder · 31/01/2026 23:31

Yep. And the shark was well and truly jumped with that comment.

You were doing well up until that point - you almost had us that this was real

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I know! They always take it just a smidge too far.

See also the ‘not your typical old bloke’ comment.

TwistedWonder · 31/01/2026 23:34

And I’m nearly double OP’s age and never suggested to a man whether should wear.

If I’m asked my opinion I’ll answer honestly but I wouldn’t tell him what to wear unsolicited.

FOJN · 31/01/2026 23:33

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:26

Why are we suddenly acting like it isn’t a common trope that women have a say in what their husbands wear?

Because times have changed and trying to control what your spouse wears isn't considered healthy in a relationship between two, hopefully, mutually respectful adults.

TwistedWonder · 31/01/2026 23:31

CherryBlossom321 · 31/01/2026 23:28

Ooops, you overplayed your hand there. I’ll hand it to you though, you definitely had a handful fooled 😂

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Yep. And the shark was well and truly jumped with that comment.

You were doing well up until that point - you almost had us that this was real

MaggieBsBoat · 31/01/2026 23:31

My husband does this. He buys me dresses all the time that he thinks I will look nice in and actually on the surface it’s kind, but actually it’s just a way for him to control what I look like. Is that right? No. You’ve got your answer right there. Deeply unpleasant actually.

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 31/01/2026 23:30

Have you posted about your relationship before? Is he a vet?

Imbusytodaysorry · 31/01/2026 23:30

@Limmies i put your being U as you have just married him. This isn’t something new to you. Why did you marry him , to change him ??

boobaaaa · 31/01/2026 23:30

I think if you got together with him when he wore that sort of thing, then I don’t think you should be asking him to change. You knew how he dressed.

I don’t think it’s controlling, but it is something that could knock his confidence over time and make him feel he isn’t good enough. I think I would stay quiet.

TeachWithMissM · 31/01/2026 23:29

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:26

Why are we suddenly acting like it isn’t a common trope that women have a say in what their husbands wear?

Because for most of us it isn’t - choosing what you wear is an everyday act of autonomy that every single person deserves. It is not okay for a partner to get to constrain or decide what their partner can wear, regardless of whether man or woman

McSpoot · 31/01/2026 23:29

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:15

Hardly. His sister was down visiting. And I suggested what would look nice to the restaurant we were going to. All said in a nice, positive manner. Not putting anyone down.

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He's an adult. There is no way to suggest clothing to him (especially ones that he clearly doesn't like) without it being a put down. Unless he has asked you for your suggestions.

Original poster
Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:28

FishFingerSandwichs · 31/01/2026 23:27

Omg DB with all that writing all over his skin - yuk he looks permanently dirty 🤢

why on earth did you marry him if this is major issue for you?

Edited

I don’t like his tattoos either. But I like his casual smart style.

OP posts:
CherryBlossom321 · 31/01/2026 23:28

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:26

Why are we suddenly acting like it isn’t a common trope that women have a say in what their husbands wear?

Ooops, you overplayed your hand there. I’ll hand it to you though, you definitely had a handful fooled 😂

Original poster
Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:28

ReadingSoManyThreads · 31/01/2026 23:22

YABU

He's not "slightly" older than you, the age gap is more than half of your age. He's almost 50yrs old and you're only 31.

You knew how he dresses before you married him, what were you thinking if you despised his look so much? Your signature on the marriage certificate is barely dry and you've already got the ICK. If you're embarrassed of him, you shouldn't have married him. Do him a favour and divorce him before you bring children into this sham.

As for the photos you've posted of your preferred look, my 75yr old Dad wears that look, perhaps he'll be more to your liking, and he's only "slightly" older than you.

BTW If your DH dresses anything like Johnny Depp - yum!

Really nasty comment re your 75 yo dad.

My husband is extremely handsome and fit. I have not married your typical old bloke.

OP posts:
FishFingerSandwichs · 31/01/2026 23:27

Omg DB with all that writing all over his skin - yuk he looks permanently dirty 🤢

why on earth did you marry him if this is major issue for you?

Original poster
Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:26

Why are we suddenly acting like it isn’t a common trope that women have a say in what their husbands wear?

OP posts:
TempestTost · 31/01/2026 23:25

Jeeze OP. My husband sometimes wears boots with socks pulled up. I realised before we married I had to be ok with this or break off the relationship.

5128gap · 31/01/2026 23:25

A man who's 'slightly' close to 50 is going to look a lot better in a band t shirt and leather jacket than he is gussied up to match his 31 year old wife.

godmum56 · 31/01/2026 23:24

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:15

Hardly. His sister was down visiting. And I suggested what would look nice to the restaurant we were going to. All said in a nice, positive manner. Not putting anyone down.

Show quote history

good grief, he's not 5 years old!

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