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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being controlling?

469 replies

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:43

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

OP posts:
Summerflowers4 · 01/02/2026 03:06

LucyLoo1972 · 01/02/2026 02:57

my husband is the same. it never used to bother me but began to when we couldnt go to nice places

Show quote history

No chance of going anywhere nice sadly

Starlight7080 · 01/02/2026 03:00

Did you marry a much older doctor and now want him to change to suit your idea of a suitable man.
He sounds like the typical man who wants to still be 25 . Maybe thats why he married a much younger woman .

LucyLoo1972 · 01/02/2026 02:57

Summerflowers4 · 01/02/2026 02:48

My DH often looks a complete mess as well ..I try hard at birthdays and Christmas to buy him nice bits ...but the problem is he keeps wearing items with holes in ,untill they completely fall apart..he also wears cardigans I despise..he's basically just missing a pipe to go with the cardigan and slippers.
But at least he's not wasting money on clothes he doesn't want ..and at least no other woman is going to fancy him in his cardigan..
So there's a lot to be said for looking a mess .
I just let mine get on with it ..I've given up trying to smarten him up ,he is who he is ,who I married,and clothes do not maketh the man....( But they do the woman )

my husband is the same. it never used to bother me but began to when we couldnt go to nice places

ZarperFollowing · 01/02/2026 02:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Summerflowers4 · 01/02/2026 02:49

Plus I love clothes and different styles and it just means more clothes money for me 😜

Summerflowers4 · 01/02/2026 02:48

My DH often looks a complete mess as well ..I try hard at birthdays and Christmas to buy him nice bits ...but the problem is he keeps wearing items with holes in ,untill they completely fall apart..he also wears cardigans I despise..he's basically just missing a pipe to go with the cardigan and slippers.
But at least he's not wasting money on clothes he doesn't want ..and at least no other woman is going to fancy him in his cardigan..
So there's a lot to be said for looking a mess .
I just let mine get on with it ..I've given up trying to smarten him up ,he is who he is ,who I married,and clothes do not maketh the man....( But they do the woman )

Skibbidirizzohio · 01/02/2026 02:46

I kind of get where you’re coming from OP. My partner wears some odd outfits, kind of stuck in the past 90s type outfits that aren’t particularly flattering. I just leave him to it though as I couldn’t really care less.

JHound · 01/02/2026 02:37

pimplebum · 01/02/2026 01:39

are you serious?
how would you react if he told you he hated your clothes and wanted you to look more like X celebrity when you go out with him ?

this can’t be for real

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I think you misread that comment.

JHound · 01/02/2026 02:36

PollyBell · 31/01/2026 22:56

Yes you are being controlling same if he tried to control you but mn never agrees because double standard

You should have read the comments and the poll results before embarrassing yourself like this.

JHound · 01/02/2026 02:32

Unfortunately you are the bullet your husband failed to dodge.

JHound · 01/02/2026 02:29

You are a controlling wife. You knew how he dressed when you met him. If you did not like it you were under no obligation to date this much older man. His sister is correct.

ChattyCatty25 · 01/02/2026 02:28

YABU, he clearly has an established style and knows what he likes. Leave him alone, and accept him the way he is. It’s not like he dresses inappropriately.

ThePerfectWeekender · 01/02/2026 02:22

HRTFT, slightly older...50%!

Blodwynne · 01/02/2026 02:05

steff13 · 31/01/2026 23:02

16 years is not slightly older. Telling someone what to wear is controlling.

exactly! i don't think 16 years matters but then why mention it as "slightly older"???

HaroldMeaker · 01/02/2026 02:03

Oh dear OP, you’re being a right wally here. You married the chap knowing his style, you don’t get to insist he has a glow up to suit you!

thenletskeepdancing · 01/02/2026 02:01

In answer to your question :yes, I think you are being controlling.

wineosaurusrex · 01/02/2026 01:55

I think he sounds cool. I see loads of adult men (and women!) dressing like this! You sound boring and controlling. You should not have married this poor guy.

InterestedDad37 · 01/02/2026 01:55

I'd never, ever let anyone choose or buy my clothes! I dress smartly and stylishly, and have more than 30 pairs of shoes 😂
Anyone trying to dress me or style me would be told where to go 🙂

dreichluver · 01/02/2026 01:54

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:46

I obviously don’t despise him. Just his clothes.

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You picked him. Weren't you embarrassed by his 'style' before you tied the knot? Did you think he'd conform to your taste once you were married?

LucyLoo1972 · 01/02/2026 01:54

my husband wears clothes that are so old and scruffy they are literally falling to pieces in rags. I never said anything but it did bother me if it meant we couldnt go to die places.

McSpoot · 01/02/2026 01:47

pimplebum · 01/02/2026 01:39

are you serious?
how would you react if he told you he hated your clothes and wanted you to look more like X celebrity when you go out with him ?

this can’t be for real

Show quote history

Did you quote the wrong person?

Vaxtable · 01/02/2026 01:47

You married him knowing he dressed like this, you should have sorted it when you first starting seeing each other

and yes you are controlling to dictate what he should wear

pimplebum · 01/02/2026 01:46

Frankenpug23 · 31/01/2026 23:04

Team sister here! it is very controlling- you married him like this!!

Agree

has he ever given his opinion on your clothes?
my partner will only give n opinion if really really pressed otherwise it’s “you look nice “

he wears scrubs ffs - great bloke 👍

SnuggleReal · 01/02/2026 01:46

Either you love him for who he is, or you set him free to find someone who does. Yes, you are controlling trying to change how he dresses. That is trying to change who he is.

For the previous poster who said let's not pretend wives don't have input on what their husbands wear - that is true. I actually buy my DH most of his clothes but I do it within his style, in the colour schemes he likes. He likes my choices and thinks I make good ones.

My teen DD told me once, when I was looking at a shirt, not to buy it as, "Dad would look so much better in this style!" I told her that yes, he would look good, but it wasn't him and it wasn't for me or her to decide he should be different than who he is, therefore I am looking at the top I am because I know it's what HE likes.

justpassmethemouse · 01/02/2026 01:41

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:26

Why are we suddenly acting like it isn’t a common trope that women have a say in what their husbands wear?

Well yes, DH sometimes appears in a semi-decent t-shirt and trousers that don’t quite go, and I say “how about your polo shirt instead”. But we’re choosing from his existing wardrobe,
not creating a whole new one.