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Original poster

Dads and contact with kids at uni

30 replies

lostntranslation · 31/01/2026 22:10

Not really an AIBU but i didnt know where to put it.

I spoke to my DS today, he is in his first year at uni and we have a good relationship. He usually calls me once or twice a week and we message maybe a couple of other times a week.

He mentioned on the phone that his dad hasnt messaged him once since he went back after christmas over 3 weeks ago. DS doesnt have the best relationship with his dad and said he wasnt going to make the effort if his dad wasnt so he hasnt messaged him either.

This blows my mind as i couldnt imagine not checking in with my kids at least once a week with a quick message. I rarely call my kids as i know they are busy so i let them call me when they want to, but i definitely wouldnt go weeks without making contact on whatsapp.

I wish i could say something to DS dad but we are currently living together but going through divorce so i dont want to cause an argument.

Would you say this is normal for men not to be in touch with kids at uni? Or do dads generally keep in contact too? I dont know if its just a dad thing or because they have a crap relationship.

I am worried when we are no longer living together they just wont have any contact. My son said he wasnt bothered about the no contact but sounded sad about it. He has got very upset in the past about his dad being a crap father figure which to be fair he has been.

I dont think I can do anything about this situation but it just seems so sad and alien to me as a mum. Even if i had a difficult relationship with my child i couldnt go weeks without checking in on them via whatsapp.

OP posts:
Rhaidimiddim · 31/01/2026 22:39

I would leave them to it. Your DS already has the measure of his dad; he is just feeling the lack of interest and support in a new situation. Just sympathise with him, validate his hurt, and continue to show him you're there for him.

Original poster
lostntranslation · 31/01/2026 22:37

Thank you both i think mentioning it casually is the way to go. Hopefully things will improve between them over time.

OP posts:
SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 31/01/2026 22:36

My DH contacts our Uni kids more than I do. He stayed home with them so it’s been harder for him to let go and not see them as children.

I will send them a meme or photo when I see something that I think they’d like.

I don’t see the point of checking on them weekly. They’re adults and know I will answer whenever they call and am always there to help them.

FluffyMcFluffFace · 31/01/2026 22:26

My DH is useless at keeping in contact with anyone - his DM, me (if he's away from home) but does have some contact with both DC while they are away at uni. I don't know that it would be more than every few weeks though, and then it would usually only be about something specific - re the football or something he thought they'd like on TV. I don't think it would occur to him to message just to check in, whereas I am in more regular contact, even if not necessarily each week - although I would have been when they were first years. I would just casually say to STBExH 'have you heard from DS recently' or similar, so it doesn't sound accusatory, but you can't force them to have a better relationship. Although fwiw, my DH and eldest DC get on much better now than they did at 18, so it might change.

Tonissister · 31/01/2026 22:12

You can say something to him. Just say: DS mentioned you haven't contacted him since he went back to uni. See if that jogs him.

Leave it there, Not your job to encourage him to be a good dad and get in touch. But for DS's sake, I'd at least mention that, if you are still living together.