AIBU - kids sleeping over at GP’s

Harsh. It’s their grandparents. You know village and all that.

I bet when they are older they will look back and think it was awesome.
Don't worry about it. It’s their relationship with them and they sound fun.

It's a very easy fix OP.
You know it is.
You need to decide if your weekly child free night is worth the perceived aggravation.
If not, you stop the GPs babysitting every week

It's very, very simple.

Yabu.

• You have free childcare for 15% of the week, allowing you to have down time/date night/breathing space.
• your children have grandparents who love them
• your children have grandparents who are great fun
• your children have grandparents who want to spend time with them and to be seen as fun

Grandparents are supposed to be rule breakers.
If the kids being tired and grouchy, then you're right, you need to have a break.

But have you told them the kids are shattered etc?
The huge issue is that they will possibly take offence at the criticism/rejection

Your 8yt old will be at school Monday to Friday, I don't know if you and your hubby work but assuming at least he does, you only have one full day with your son a week. I couldn't do that. I don't see why people have children then hand them over to others to bring up.

It sounds like you've slid into a situation where they're doing a lot of childcare for quite young children. I wonder if it's more tiring than they're letting on? Maybe they're playing the role of "fun" (lax) grandparents in the hope you'll pull back a bit, without them having to ask you.

Maybe the GP's find having them exhausting so leave them to their own devices.
If you picked them up earlier on the Saturday, you could tailor their day so they aren't so exhausted.

The grandparents clearly adore their grandchildren and vice versa too but I wonder if they realise the effect the late night has on them. Is there any way you could gently suggest a slightly earlier night and just explain that they struggle the rest of the weekend catching up on sleep.

Fgs..... they're not young for long.
Ask the GPS to sort an earlier bedtime and tell the kids any grumpiness and they don't go the following week.. and enjoy your Friday's!!

I think once a week is too disruptive to their routine personally. I’d do once per month and then it can be a real treat and not matter so much if they relax the usual routine.

Yes agree. Cannot imagine my children telling me off …so patronising! Absolutely fine with suggestions etc

I'd ask them to put light out earlier for sure. Midnight is silly for children that age.

But if they didn't I'd make it less frequent.

Tbh i would probably do that anyway. I'd hate to have every Friday night / sat morning away from DC.

Actually, my DD is more likely to tell me to loosen up! My grandkids have to eat at the table, don't have as much screen time as they do at home, and there are a couple more 'Grandma's rules' that they almost seem to enjoy rather than resent! The older one has been known to remind her little sister of them when they're both here!

Oh have a word with yourself! You have willing and able grandparents who want to and do take your kids one night a week - you should be thanking your lucky stars you and DH have this alone time to do whatever you like! I am a very laid back mum and I have trusted my own parents and in-laws with my kids from day one, just as I was trusted with my own grandparents when I was a child - if you don’t like it then don’t have the sleepovers, job done. However, I think you would be shooting yourself in the foot. Childcare like this is gold dust these days and also I can guarantee your kids absolutely adore the time they spend with their grandparents so think about that too. Routines are great but when it comes to Nanny and Grandad time it all goes out the window and rightly so, if you don’t like it then don’t do it but after a week or two you’ll be wanting that childcare back I’m sure.

That's fair.

And yes, I'm massively frustrated by this thread because OP hasn't even mentioned the issue to the GPs, and clearly has no intention of doing so. Yet many posters on here are responding as though she's asked many times and the GPs are stubbornly refusing!

My parents are not as bad as yours but likewise can be loose with rules and I also got the point of needing to say that DC needed to be in bed on time and please stop with so much screen time because the consequences for me are not worth the trade off. My parents are reasonable humans so we found a middle ground of still spoiling DC a bit while not wrecking them for the weekend. I’d definitely talk to them but let them know if it continues as is, it won’t be able to be regular.

I say "blunt" because someone who comes on MN and hasn't raised this issue already, is probably the kind to skirt around the problem and even do something nuclear, like putting an end to the sleepovers. Whereas for most people, this conversation would have already happened. If my mum did this, i would literally say "hey mum, kid needs to go to bed much earlier than midnight, he's way too grouchy by Saturday afternoon, it may look like he's having fun but he can't cope with this little sleep".

By blunt, I guess I mean clear and honest.

Yhe put him in a time out too, 72 mins (supernanny method of a min per year of age).

🙄🙄 give over it’s obviously just a turn of phrase.

I get that the grandparents want to spoil their grandkids and if it was once a month then maybe I’d let it slide but every Friday up until gone midnight? 10pm is late enough for a treat for those ages surely? The breakfast situation isn’t ideal. Maybe make it every other week or pick them up a bit earlier so they don’t get to the middle of the day without eating properly?

Years ago when my 2 were young, I had a friend whose kids used to go to their grandparents every Friday night and I was so jealous as I had no family nearby. I think it’s great that you get regular quality couple time.

Mine stay with my dad a few times a month and it’s great, but I’ve had to tell him off about bedtime.

"Tell him off"?

I'm so fucking glad that my DD doesn't infantilise me, but communicates pleasantly, adult to adult.

Jeeeze

This is why I don’t have sleepovers unless I’m absolutely desperate or if it’s unavoidable. It’s just not worth the hassle for the rest of the weekend for me 😩
Despite me telling GPs what to do, kids seem to act different (because they get away with it) and GPs seem to give in very easily too and not use common sense?!

They are your children so you are not being unreasonable here to expect the children’s basic needs to be met. That’s really bad do the 4 year old to be awake to potentially midnight (it’s not great for the 8 year old either)

They can be the fun GP’s but still place in boundaries and meet the children’s basic needs.

Definitely have your DH speak to them about setting the boundaries and pull back from the weekly sleepovers. Once a month or every few weeks.

Its so lovely that they have a bond and a positive relationship their GP. But they still need to be the adults in the house and not let their grandchildren have crisps for breakfast or nothing at all.

I stayed with my GPS EW! Used to sleep with my Nan! Very similar to your DC ..except Nan would expect me to eat well. Some treats but always proper Bf of classic eggs and bacon. Later Bedtimes .I think if they are happy and you enjoy time with hubby.the to suck it up really. They are building memories and you are building a solid marriage. Time alone is precious.

I think it’s great personally, you get couples time with your dh and know the dc are happy with family who love them. I think the tired Saturday afternoons are a fair price to pay. Just factor in early nights all round.

Wow, that’s a nightmare. I would have stopped this years ago. It’s detrimental and unhealthy for your children. I understand the want for an evening with DH but not to this extent. Is there any chance grandparents would step up to structure and routines? They sound pretty wet and useless dressed up as relaxed and kind.