AIBU - kids sleeping over at GP’s

I think a previous poster has made a good point about whether the grandparents can actually cope with the weekly sleepovers. Maybe they allow late nights and anything for breakfast because they can't cope if the children refuse to do as they are told. You mention with the wotsits that they did offer other food which was presumably more appropriate, so maybe they just didn't want to deal with the tantrum that might have followed if they insisted that they had to eat that item.
Kids can be quite canny and if they know the grandparents are a bit of a soft touch then they might make the most of these sleepover opportunities to get what they want.

You could stop the sleepovers and let them go over every Friday after school and pick them up at bedtime.

Do a sleepover once a month and leave things go as they go.

Or have a gentle world about the time they go to sleep. If that didn't work then it would be option 1 or 2.

I'm very sorry to read about your mum and it's lovely that your in laws were able to step in and help during what must have been a very difficult time. I suspect your in laws wanted to make that time as fun for your boys as possible and the not so great habits have just stuck.
I don't have any experience of my DC having regular sleepovers with relatives (the last child free night DH & I had was 14 years ago, before DS was born) so perhaps it's easier for me to say this than for it to actually be done, & I do know how difficult it can be trying to discuss things with various family members without them taking it all as a personal insult. However, I'd explain to the grandparents that the sleepovers need to be reduced to every other weekend as they are having a detrimental affect on the boys and your weekend family time.
If the grandparents are able to enforce stricter boundaries during these visits, which result in improved behaviour at home after the sleepovers then you can perhaps look to increasing the frequency again. If nothing changes then the frequency gets reduced again (from every otherweekendto oncea month).
I appreciate you enjoy the child free time but if it's impacting you as a family then something needs to change.

They aren't "fun" grandparents.
They are lazy and feckless.
As previous posters have said they should be reading bedtime stories, making nice breakfasts with the kids? and spending quality time together.
Any idiot can let kids run amok and be up half the night.

My friends regularly have their 2 gds for a day and night. I was horrified when I saw what rubbish she was feeding them. She offered them a choice of 5 different ice lollies, opened the ‘treats’ cupboard and chocolate bars, sweets and crisps came tumbling out. The girls then wouldn’t eat their dinner, but it didn’t matter, they could have toast later! They are also allowed to stay up until very late. When I asked what the parents thought, I was told it’s up to grandparents to spoil grandkids and it doesn’t do any harm. However, they did this with their other grandchildren, didn’t stop when asked and now they don’t have sleepovers, rarely see the DiL and don’t know what they’ve done wrong!

It's not a win if everybody is having a bad day on the Saturday because the kids are tired and hungry.
It's one thing having relaxed rules it 's something else completely ignoring them.

You can ask the GPs to give them a proper bed time and proper food. Believe me if the choice is not seeing their grandchildren they will comply. I would never dream of doing this to my grandchildren as I would be quite rightly told off. My grandchildren have TV rationed by their parents. Don’t most people read bed time stories anymore?

As a one off i wouldn't be bothered by the lack of boundaries but on a weekly basis its having a detrimental impact on the kids and you both so I would put a stop on it. Personally I wouldnt let my kids sleep at grandparents one night every weekend
as after a week of school and after school activities weekends are our family time plus it can cause the issues you are describing.

If you still want your kids to stay away overnight maybe get dh to speak to his mum and explain the negative impact on the kids and ask her to stop it. If that doesn't work its maybe time to rethink the kids staying away every Friday night.

Do the sleepovers once a month. Once a week is far, far, far too disruptive and it's not good for your kids to be knackered and filled with junk food, week in week out.

But doesn't matter once a week at gran's. OP should suggest that GP make sure lights are out and TV off by about nine thirty on Friday night and have a late lunch ready when you pick them up in the afternoon.

I would let everything slide EXCEPT the bedtime routine. Ask that they are sleeping no later than 10pm. Compromise - still late, still chilled out but not as late as midnight.

The food is no big deal.

My dp's had my boys every Sat night. I was a working sp and they loved going.

After all this time your DC might actually be wanting a bit more structure at the GPs. Novelty wears off and they may be fed up of feeling rubbish on Saturdays. It’s an easy conversation to have with the GPs: at first it was so nice for them to have a relaxed no boundaried evening and so grateful for the relationship you have with them etc, but in order to continue it being a regular thing it’s best to have a bit more structure as it’s negatively affecting the rest of the weekend. So, ok to film nights but in bed by 9:30pm, and a proper breakfast all together. The breakfast can also be fun: French toast, dippy eggs, nice fruit etc. And then pick them back up at 10:30am so you can get on with the rest of your day (and the day isn’t ruined by a bad lunch and too many snacks).

This.

Your kids are in school all week and likely exhausted, what they most likely need is their parents to pick them up, and have a nice family evening together as well as an early night and a fun activity together on Saturday morning.

Then maybe once a month, they could go to GP’s on Saturday evening and you collect Sunday morning and have a rest day at home. Repeat in the holidays when they are more well rested.

You seem a bit uptight over this. You know what GPs do so when you pick DC up have lunch ready for them. Nothing wrong with chilling all Saturday afternoon with TV, or reading to DC. Nothing much wrong with the occasional packet of whotsits for breakfast either. You are being unreasonable when your in-laws are giving you a nice break. Let go a bit.

Sleep/bedtime is my issue, food not so much. Midnight for a 4 and 8 yo is way too late. I would pull up on that that's all, dont stop visits that'a punishing them and not right

It sounds like the children love going to their grandparents and as someone who was very close to mine growing up, I cherish those memories now they are no longer here.
So I'd probably change things slightly by collecting the children in the morning and giving them lunch at home. Saturday afternoons can then be chill time, with an early night. You've still got Sunday to do family days out etc.

Agree. I just put weetabix in bowls on school days. Done .

Weekend breakfasts are more fun

I had the exact same issue with my own parents. In the end, I suggested that they had them once a month instead of each week, as their tiredness was ruining our weekends. They started putting them to bed before then. We also started picking them up before lunch, and then that partly solved the food issue. They still ate crap on the night and in the morning, but I had to pick my battles and they ate healthily the rest of the week and we did appreciate the childcare.

And this is why (if they lived closer) we don’t do grandparent sleepovers. Completely undermines parenting

My own children didn't get to have sleepovers at their grandparents without us, due to distance. I'm now aware how much they missed out, and how much their grandparents did, even though we had lovely family stays with them

I love having my DGDs sleepover. Having them to myself is such a joy. It's a very different relationship when they're not looking to their parents first, and the little rituals they choose to have at Grandma's house, warm my heart. In hindsight I'm so sad that my lovely MIL never got to experience that.

It makes me sad to see so many on this thread jump straight to 'you have to put an end to the sleepovers/make them once a month' without suggesting that OP just ask the GPs to adapt their routine.

How is this batshit? My kids get a healthy breakfast that I know they like to eat but they don’t get a say in the matter on a daily basis. Asking them what they want when you’re going to say no to the junk food you know they will ask for is completely batshit.

It sounds like you are a GP yourself maybe? … I’d very much argue against this… it’s only childcare if it’s essential to the parents and the GPs are mostly doing it to help out but would probably rather another arrangement.

In this case frankly I think the people getting the most out of it are the grandparents - not the kids and not the parents. It’s not childcare and nor is it free considering the trade off!

And frankly under no circumstances should the parents have to accept the GP way of doing things. But certainly not in this one.

They’re doing things their way because it make them feel good … including not wanting to risk falling out with the GK so allowing them to have wotsits for breakfast. As if the kid will ever eat proper breakfast when it knows it can have wotsits??

Yeah this is annoying OP. I noted one person said that grandparents are there to spoil children. No - no they’re not! I had to speak to my own parents due to the amount of sweets and chocolate poured into them.

the treats are ok to a point but not so much as it affects the next two days. It also makes your own parenting harder as you become the boring ones and they’re the Disney GPs.

Id reduce it down to 1x per month and ask that they eat proper food and go to bed by Xpm. (Whatever is normal for them - 8?).

Good luck OP and sorry for your loss

They aren’t responsible adults. A 4 year old up until midnight? I wouldn’t ever leave my kids in their care.. what other basic care aren’t they providing?

Are your kids really so difficult that you don’t want to see them on a Saturday morning ever? That’s a quarter of the weekend. The 2 days out of the week you get to spend together.