AIBU - kids sleeping over at GP’s

They aren’t her parents, for a start. Her parents are dead.

Did you not learn to think?

Nah, they still parented of course, unless they sent the kid off to boarding school or had a full time nanny.

They've done their parenting, now it's OP's job.

As you are aware, OP is scrambling to make excuses for choosing not to parent her own kids every single Friday/Saturday and pretend it's a gift to the grandparents when in fact her "child free" nights each week are a gift to her and her husband only.

So OP can choose not to parent for a full day each week and her parents get to do her job for her, on their own terms.

Did you not learn to read? The gp didn’t do their parenting time, they want it now.

And no one in real life would bitch to their friends about their parents doing them such an absolutely enormous favour - and also of course we're not her friends.

There's no way she wants to draw attention in real life to the fact that she's dumping her kids for a whole day each week with her parents, she's well aware that's pretty wild behaviour. That's why she's asking anonymously.

None of the responses have been wild or out of order, just a bit blunt.

Such is life when you ask questions online and are apparently oblivious to your own great good fortune.

Not unreasonable at all OP.

Kids needs structure, they can be the ‘fun grandparents’ while also implementing structure and routine into the kids. After all, they are 2 fully grown adults, they know full well themselves the importance of it all. We’re raising future adults here.

You are the worried parent in this situation and I’m sorry, grandparents or not they need to abide by this, it’s boundaries and rules that need to be set in place clearly.

Of course there are some wild responses on this thread! You're just used to the Mumsnet tone and see it as normal, when it really isn't. No-one in real life would talk to their friends and acquaintances like people do here, from the safety of their screens.

I don’t know op- I would never think I owe my kids gps their weekend time because they made very selfish choices when they had a child. They chose work, and they didn’t need to as most of us don’t get to retire at 50. Maybe dh and I could if we also fucked off our kids and our parenting role and focussed on work, but I would never ever do that, nor would I send my kids to compensate now for if their gps were bad parents. Their not doing bedtime etc sounds like they are still very selfish and not interested in what’s best for your dc, only what’s the most satisfying and easy for them. That’s not the best environment for your dc to spend substantial time in. Make the right decisions for your family, you dh and the kids, and remember kids can have strong relationships with gps WITHOUT spending significant parts of every weekend with them, mine do.

People can disagree with you without it being “wild”?

I would find it wildly strange if my kids slept away one night a week and no wonder their routine is disrupted. Mine only stay at their GP’s every month or so when we have a real need and it’s a real treat. But each to their own I guess.

Ask them to put some of these things in place such as real food and an actual bedtime if they don’t reduce there time to 1 per month until they do at end of day your kids your rules.

Well since the grandparents in this case love having the kids, and the kids love going there, I'm not sure how what you and your your kids would have liked or disliked is at all relevant.

It's huge, I could not have done this, would have absolutely hated being away from my kids every Friday night and Saturday morning and they would have hated not being able to just come home and sleep in their own home each Friday night and being dragged around knackered every Saturday.

OP wants a nice long break from her own kids every single weekend so she and DH can hit the pub, or whatever they like to get up to every "childfree" Friday night so she will either have to let her parents continue to normalise unhealthy eating and terrible sleep hygiene, or parent her own kids.

Solution - ask her parents to have them once a month, give her parents their precious time back, visit them for a catch up for a couple of hours in between the monthly sleep over.

But OP won't have a bar of this, of course.

My mum would be like this if my son slept over, she was strict with us but she seems to want to give my son his hearts desire. He's two and she would happily give him dessert the. ask if he wants a cornetto too. She reigned it in when I said, you know its very easy to make children like you if you ply them with sweets, she was offended but it hit home as she calmed down on the indulgence. Perhaps a break from sleepovers and an honest remark from your DH to his parents that the sleepovers are making family time on Satirdays fraught and not fun to hit home the knock on effect it has.

I don’t know any parent who is away from their children every Friday, Friday night, and all of every Saturday morning !! That’s a lot.
and on top of that then Saturday afternoon is a write off for them if they’re tired and haven’t eaten well. Probably time to decrease the frequency of their sleepovers.

I’d be picking them up a little earlier and giving them their Saturday lunch to make sure they are not hungry. After that let them have a bit of down time, maybe in front of tv, maybe reading them a story. I certainly wouldn’t be giving up a night alone together by stopping something the DC and the GP all enjoy. Remember as the children get older they won’t be so tired and grumpy.

Completely agree. And of course her parents "love it" except I bet they don't.

As someone suggested, they are probably being so lax because they're knackered and can't be bothered parenting kids - they've already done that.

I'm also a grandmother who has grandkids most weekends. I'm not ultra strict on bedtimes and I don't try to enforce rules as they have those all week. But I do make them eat properly ie veg with their meals and get in the shower before bed.

It sounds like your DC have a lovely relationship with their GP's. So I wouldn't want to spoil it, but perhaps gently say that 10pm bedtime is plenty late enough for two tired kids who have been at school all week. They'll soon reach an age when they don't want to stay there and want to see their mates instead.

No, but you are handing over a whole day of parenting every single week to people who encourage your kids to eat unhealthy rubbish and disrupt their sleep and this is causing Saturdays to be unpleasant every single week.

Just ask your parents to have them once a month, once a week is too often to disrupt sleep patterns and ruin eating habits, it's normalising this to your kids. And although your parents may seem happy to give us such a large chunk of their time atm it will only become more exhausting for them as they grow older.

Once a month sleep over with relaxed rules solves the problem entirely.

I would reduce the stays
to once or twice a month

one day in 7 is excessive outsourcing of
your kids

Right. It is normalising poor sleep hygiene and extremely unhealthy eating habits, it's just far too often for this to be happening. Once a month is a treat, once a week is a problem.

Why are they going so often? Keep them
at home so you can parent them’

Nurture this relationship as it’s such a special one. As mentioned bring some breakfast items for the children and suggest an earlier bedtime.

I have the best memories of regularly (shock horror) staying with my grandparents. They were
really hands on and my parents were very young when they had my brother and I.

It was much less routine, much more relaxed and I look back now with such fondness. They let us have toast with honey at night and ‘bing’ from the Mr Bacon van.

i wouldn’t change it- takes a village and all that. Maybe try and alter one thing at a time eg get nan or grandad on board with breakfast then work on nighttime.

You sound like a good mum. They sound like fun grandparents and the kids will reach an age when that will stop I imagine. Don’t do anything hasty.