Stay-at-home dad

My son in law is a stay at home parent full time, and my daughter went back to work because it suits them. Whether it works for everyone else depends on the individual circumstances really. Same as if it were in reverse.

As an extremely happy SAHM, I couldn’t recommend it enough!

I think being a stay at home parent is a joint decision. Being the mother or father is irrelevant. Lots to consider in the decision: money, career prospects, school days, division of household duties, reasons for one parent being home etc, being the mother or the father doesn't matter, the factors to consider are the same

Tell us your story mate.
I did it back in the 90s, it worked OK. I had done macho jobs so I didn't feel I was missing out on anything.
You must be prepared to take on the lot, Every task, Cooking everyday meals, packed lunches for 3. Shopping, school events. Hospital appointments, (bloody grommets). Listen to Radio 4.
The kids are 40+ now they still talk to me.

Wife qualified and got a well paid job which was more than I could have got.

Because, of course, the only important thing is what some random woman(?) thinks is attractive.

I was a SAHD for about a year after I got made redundant. I was also a lone parent which made the financial situation way harder. Being a SAHD was fantastic; doing it on the poverty line, less so. If you plan to eventually go back to work after the childhood years you'll also need to seriously consider the impact it'll have on your CV.

Yabu

Must be Kevin's wife Jill...

Pop off back to 1926 will you, it's 2026 now and you're spouting prehistoric guff.

Only yesterday I read of a dad who had done that.sadly now getting divorced,I think it's often more difficult for guys.this is not to put you off ,but to understand there are risks. Pensions, decisions over spending plans and budgets. I would say to be cautious.maybe pt if possible. See how that goes

NO. I don't.

There are pros and cons to either parent SAH. I don’t think the dad factor means much. It’s more important to figure out finances and what, if any, sacrifices will be made (and if you’re happy as a couple with that lifestyle), how the other person feels being the sole earner, how stable their job/area is at the moment.

Then, you have to really question how happy and fulfilled you will feel staying at home. It’s a trickier question for dads, I think, because most women get prolonged mat leave where they have to stay at home and experience that version of living - the relentlessness, the challenges, the budgeting/lack of income etc. I think it’s easy for some to have an idealised version of SAH parenting when it can be really hard.

I think it’s also worth discussing what time period you imagine staying home for: Is it open ended, is it until all kids are at school? What happens if you have another kid? How would being home affect your wife’s mat leave? Could she be home as long as she wants to be with the baby?

I’d also discuss how you’ll divide labour when one of you isn’t working. How will cooking/cleaning/shopping/laundry etc be divided. How will parenting be split when you’re both home (early starts/night wakes). Mapping this out as much as possible when making the decision will make it easier to understand what you’re actually going to be doing every day/week.

There are probably many more questions/things you would need to discuss as a couple. Of course, having a happy engaged parent at home when your kids are young is a huge pro for them if you can afford it and if the parent staying home is happy to do it. It can also help the working parent focus on their career more if they are driven in that area.

It completely depends.

Can you afford it as a family?
Can he return to work after a period off? It can be hard to get back into the workforce after a long time off. Being at home full time only makes sense for a limited amount of time.
Does he actually want to?
Will he do the housework, childcare and life administration involved or will he sit on his arse gaming all day (and sorry to be cynical but it happens a lot that blokes use “being a SAHD” as an excuse to be a lazy cocklodger)
How does the other spouse feel about it?

It can work if everyone is very clear eyed about it but I wouldn’t recommend drifting into it. A lot of people end up bitterly regretting becoming a SAHP.

I was a SAHM and haven't gone back to work despite kids being grown up now.

There are things to consider, can you afford it, access to money, how long will it be for, pension, how easy will it be to return to work/impact on career, are you protected if you split up, socialising, housework/childcare split etc.

It worked well for us. My partner earns well, we have rental properties as extra income, I have always had access to all money, assets in my name, pension paid into and a partner who has always done his share of childcare and house stuff when not working.

😂

As others have said, it’s impossible to say with so little information.

No… it’s just not manly enough, which is unattractive long term.

My husband is giving up his job to become a SAHD. He can’t wait! He has been depressed in his job for years - we will make it work financially. His happiness is all that matters 🙂

No - there are a TON of threads on here about women doing just this and then the husband/partner leaving her ten years later. She’s then got no career, no pension and struggles to get employed. I’m one of them.

I’ve never known this set up go well, my DH was a stay at home dad for 18 months and it was all good for him and my DS but terrible for me, I didn’t get a chance to bond with my DS i was exhausted. Emotionally unstable and working a big job flat out 2 months after giving birth. I still had to pick up the mental load, plus the stress of the job plus the guilt.. all in DH tried and he did his best but it just wasn’t ok for me.

we switched to him working me doing slightly reduced hours, the upside is my DH has always fully appreciated what goes into childcare and home so for the last 21+ years we are a proper team.

but those 18 months were bloody hard on me.

No one can answer that with the limited information you have shared.

What do you want and what can you afford? Too hypothetical. Ground it with some context

Eg
how did you two meet?
What will you gain / lose with this?
Have you always wanted this or is it a way out of something else?

You've provided no context whatsoever, so impossible to say.

Really not enough information at all to make any sort of opinion.