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AIBU?

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Really disturbed by response to this horrible incident

233 replies

Xoxka · 31/01/2026 15:22

Recently I was at Kings Cross. On my way to meet a friend. When this middle aged guy saw me and said something along the lines of “oh my god how beautiful, her face”. The two younger guys who he was with had to physically restrain him ans he was trying to walk in my direction. And they honestly were struggling. They were maybe 10 metres away from me but I was genuinely afraid. I’m 27 and incredibly active but only 5 ft 3. I was surrounded by people but worried I was going to be groped. Plus I really don’t like drawing any attention whatsoever if I can help it. Naturally VERY shy.

Ive recounted this incident to three people (all women of varying ages) and they’ve all mentioned the part about me being called beautiful. Like it’s a compliment. Ie that should be the takeaway. The man was physically intimidating to me! I was genuinely scared I was going to be attacked.

I just find this response very very depressing. Would the women around you not express sympathy if you were to tell them of a similar encounter?

OP posts:
Cappie73 · 31/01/2026 16:27

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AmberSpy · 31/01/2026 16:25

Frugalgal · 31/01/2026 16:16

The immediate physical restraint suggests something amiss though. The fact the accompanying young men reacted like that suggests it was not the first time something like that had happened. The fact they restrained him suggests they knew they had to to stop him doing something bad. If it was 'just' a cultural thing and they weren't worried about what he might do, why would two men immediately react by restraining him?

Whether dementia or similar it doesn't lessen the impact on the OP of course, so is irrelevant in some respects.

I take your point but I think it could just as easily have been the case that the two younger men were sons/brothers/nephews/ whatever who knew that their dad/uncle/mate can get a bit nasty and intimidating when he's had a skinful, and leapt in to stop him before there was a scene.
As you say, whatever the reason none of it is likely to help OP feel better.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 31/01/2026 16:25

The fact that the two guys with him immediately tried to hold him back suggests he wasn't going to come up to you and just pay you a compliment! YANBU to be intimidated by this.

SPQRomanus · 31/01/2026 16:25

BillieWiper · 31/01/2026 16:20

Yeah that horrible. I hope you told police non emergency. Once you were safe. I'm not minimising it but Kings X in the 80s was literally a danger zone for anyone female. You'd be surprised that it used to be so much worse.

It used to be in the red light district then, so it was awful for lone women. No idea if it still is these days.

JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 31/01/2026 16:25

In what way did he threaten you? He commented on you and it seemed he might approach you. He was held back. Possibly to stop him from making a fool
of himself. I totally understand you feeling vulnerable but im not sure why the assumption he would sexually assault you in a busy place. Has something like this happened before where you have been assaulted?

BerryTwister · 31/01/2026 16:24

It sounds unpleasant OP but I’m not sure why it was frightening. The man was a long way from you, with 2 younger men holding him back, and loads of people around.

This really makes me realise how times have changed, for the better. Back in the 80s he would have grabbed your boobs, pinched your bum, and you’d have been expected to just smile. If you’d reported it you’d have been laughed at.

Namingbaba · 31/01/2026 16:22

I know what you mean about the responses. I once had a creepy note left on my car which mentioned my private parts and what I was wearing that day and things like that. I told my mum that I was going to report it to the police and she said something about it just being a man who was attracted to me as if it was a compliment and just something to not find creepy. Some women just make every excuse for men.

TheFormidableMrsC · 31/01/2026 16:21

Cappie73 · 31/01/2026 15:43

Who leaves AirDrop on anyway? 🤷🏻‍♀️. I’m not victim blaming, switch it off.

Because I presume she’d used it for another reason. Regardless, don’t victim blame my daughter. How dare you! Regardless of whether it was on or off, nobody has the right to send pictures of their penis to a complete stranger on a train. He got what he deserved. Maybe he would have raped somebody next time.

BillieWiper · 31/01/2026 16:20

Yeah that horrible. I hope you told police non emergency. Once you were safe. I'm not minimising it but Kings X in the 80s was literally a danger zone for anyone female. You'd be surprised that it used to be so much worse.

Brightandblustery · 31/01/2026 16:18

PleatEnvy · 31/01/2026 16:06

The women who think catcalling and wolf whistling are compliments, are all over this thread.

Oh give over! Nobody has said that and I don't know a single woman who thinks those things are acceptable.

Maybe the problem here is that you jump to conclusions and patronise women. Good call!

YouKnowIThinkAboutYouAllTheTime · 31/01/2026 16:18

x2boys · 31/01/2026 16:16

I haven't seen any evidence of that at all
People are just saying that the most probable scenario( given he was immediately restrained) was that he was impaired in some way

But that doesn’t explain the reactions of the women OP has told saying it’s a compliment, which is what OP is asking about.

Frugalgal · 31/01/2026 16:18

Xoxka · 31/01/2026 15:37

it didn’t even cross my mind to report tbh! Thinking I should’ve now.

sadly unwanted male attention/ cat calling is very normal in London.

Edited

How utterly disgusting. Depraved!

SPQRomanus · 31/01/2026 16:18

I'm quite surprised that in a busy station, ten metres away, you heard what he said. Did he shout it out?
I think it was highly unlikely he would have groped you if he was with 2 other people. But if you felt intimidated then should report to British transport police as pp have said.

helpfulperson · 31/01/2026 16:17

SeekOIt · 31/01/2026 16:08

In what way?

Because looking at someone and deciding that he was from a particular country or set of countries is inherently racist. Especially in London if he was not Caucasian he could still very well be born and bred here and from parents/grandparents/great grandparents who were born here.

Like many others it sounds to me like for whatever reason he was out with carers.

TheIceBear · 31/01/2026 16:17

That’s horrible you poor thing how scary

Frugalgal · 31/01/2026 16:16

AmberSpy · 31/01/2026 16:07

You've just assumed that he had dementia or MH issues. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. We have absolutely no way of knowing. Being accompanied by two other men is not evidence either way.

The immediate physical restraint suggests something amiss though. The fact the accompanying young men reacted like that suggests it was not the first time something like that had happened. The fact they restrained him suggests they knew they had to to stop him doing something bad. If it was 'just' a cultural thing and they weren't worried about what he might do, why would two men immediately react by restraining him?

Whether dementia or similar it doesn't lessen the impact on the OP of course, so is irrelevant in some respects.

x2boys · 31/01/2026 16:16

PleatEnvy · 31/01/2026 16:06

The women who think catcalling and wolf whistling are compliments, are all over this thread.

I haven't seen any evidence of that at all
People are just saying that the most probable scenario( given he was immediately restrained) was that he was impaired in some way

Catwalking · 31/01/2026 16:15

Xoxka · 31/01/2026 15:48

I don’t know how anyone can make the determination from the little I said/observed that he had mh issues. Many men don’t know how to behave. Regardless of background.

Im not saying he didn’t. Maybe he did. But many men without mh issues behave inappropriately to women.

Edited

But it could explain why there were 2 men ‘with’ him, who apparently readily attempted (admittedly with evident effort) to physically stop/prevent him coming closer to you.

Boomer55 · 31/01/2026 16:11

He perhaps could have had learning disabilities, or maybe, had consumed too much alcohol or whatever.
Luckily, he had people with him that stopped him doing anything bad. 🌺

SeekOIt · 31/01/2026 16:08

FiatLuxAdAstra · 31/01/2026 15:53

I hate to say it but he was most likely from a country where men and women probably do not mix freely.

This is racist.

In what way?

Spinnertakesitall · 31/01/2026 16:07

Tigerbalmshark · 31/01/2026 15:45

But then he probably wouldn’t have said it in English?

Anyway, no YANBU, and you should report it (even if it was a day or two ago - they will have CCTV)

You think people from other countries can't harass women in English? Are you particularly dim?

AmberSpy · 31/01/2026 16:07

FiatLuxAdAstra · 31/01/2026 16:00

No excuse except for intellectually disabled, early dementia, etc which is why he had an escort of two younger men to ensure women were safe.

Let’s acknowledge the male behaviours of the other two men in this group of 3.

You've just assumed that he had dementia or MH issues. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. We have absolutely no way of knowing. Being accompanied by two other men is not evidence either way.

PleatEnvy · 31/01/2026 16:06

The women who think catcalling and wolf whistling are compliments, are all over this thread.

Cappie73 · 31/01/2026 16:05

pinkyredrose · 31/01/2026 16:01

Not victim blaming but then you victim blame.

It’s a genuine question though? Who leaves it on ? 🤷🏻‍♀️. Doesn’t everybody switch off those settings? until you need them? Maybe it’s just me? It’s best switched off for privacy and security.

YouKnowIThinkAboutYouAllTheTime · 31/01/2026 16:05

The responses from the women you have told are really odd. Why should you be pleased that some random man acted this way? As other have said, it’s possible he had some issues, but that’s not the point of your post, the point is the response from the women you have told, that you should take it as a compliment, as if you’re there to please men and you should be happy when you do. 🙄🙄🙄

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