Ex doesn’t want our child more than every other weekend!

Sorry you’re going through this OP. It’s shit and it’s just shown what a shit human being he is. If you’ve learned anything it’s that you made the correct choice in leaving him. If he doesn’t want 50-50 then you can’t force it through the courts unfortunately, but like others I believe that unless there’s domestic violence, or a real threat of neglect/abuse then there needs to be some legal route to stop fathers abandoning their children and only seeing them every other weekend. Anyone who only sees their child every other weekend is not a real parent.

Nice try. The three @ really clinched it.

Some people are doing it. Not most, not even close. You and others like you have got fixated on what extreme and criminal situations would look like, not the reality - and not what should happen.

Being in a residential care facility is very, very different to just not wanting to be arsed. Can't you see that?

Not making excuses for him but you say he works late most nights - is that why the Friday pick up is never on time?

Right! I or they would be FORCED to do it. Hurrah we've got there!! And they said it couldn't be done!

You have a chat with the PPs here who think you just need to say 'i don't want to' and social services will whisk them away, no questions asked. To, presumably, one of the thousands of alternate accommodations that exist. They seem to have a lot of fascinating facts for you about it, it's really unbelievable some of the provision that is available and most people have no idea!

You seem intent to insist that carry everyone who leaves the lions' share of the care of their kids to someone else is an inevitable criminal and nothing can be done. I can't stop you.

It's not the reality, most people are affected by deterrents, when they exist. But when people face no consequences - supported by you society - many people are happy to let other people pick up the slack for them.

Just because there are few consequences now, doesn't mean there shouldn't be. Raise your standards.

I'll leave you to it.

I have no idea re the mother and what charges she faces. I believe she is in a residential mental health facility.

Even if people get charged, it doesn’t mean they aren’t doing it. Nobody can stop a parent from giving up on parenting. Another child my friend fostered previously was handed over to an aunt and uncle because parents couldn’t cope. Then aunt and uncle involved SS because they couldn’t cope/were splitting up.

It’s crap but he will lose out in the long run. Stop playing it to your ex like I need help. Start presenting as confident and happy with the situation and if it gets raised say it’s surprising you don’t want more time with your son but never mind. Don’t ask him for help /support in any way.
If he realises he’s not making you miserable he may step up more but if not you haven’t lost anything. Your dc will get easier as they get older and you will reap the benefits of a close relationship with your child.

Thankfully @Empthy you don’t have children.

I say this - because your approach seems to be - well as long as it’s not wilful neglect, the kid will be fine under the care of a parent that has been open they have fuck all desire to care for their child and is ONLY doing it to avoids legal punishment.

Could his extended family (grandparents, other relatives) have him once a month even if Dad is only twice a month?
He sounds really mean and it does seem unfair but it's also why some people stay in relationships they are not happy with due to childcare and finances...
At least you are no longer in a relationship with him!

This goes for both sides though.
Both mothers and fathers/primary carers and the one who is only allowed them every second weekend.
No one thinks of the kids and focus more on the unfairness to them, the ADULT PARENTS regardless which side they are.

Well no, because most people don't want their kids in care 🙄
I assure you when both parents refuse to parent their children they do end up in care. It's not common by any means but it happens.

You would end up doing it because the alternative would be what? Refusing to pick your kid up from school and leaving them there? That's just not how life works is it? You do it because the alternative is the child suffers. I don't know how you think a scenario where both parents 'refuse' to care for their child works. Authorities wouldn't get involved unless you hit the threshold for significant harm or criminal neglect. You would just have to work it out between you. Last one to blink I guess.

I am a social worker and I provide that 'significant pressure' fairly regularly- not because the mother has died but usually when the relationship has broken down irretrievably and the mother can't cope or refuses to have the child back. I assure you if they politely decline to parent their child they can't and won't be forced to. Powers of persuasion only go so far. If a parent already doesn't really give a shit about their child then the only leverage you might have, their love and care for their child, is missing. How do you think you persuade a man who's never bothered with their kid to start bothering?

This isn't what family court is for.

There is only a legal duty if the parent takes that on. If the parent gave the child up to the care system that would be that.

It is really hard. Gruelling is a good description. I’m 5 years solo parenting now and have two children, a dog, a full time job and a business. There is no down time. You just have to keep going. But we do. Ww create warm, loving, stable and calm homes for out children. We give them everything they need and that’s all we can do. Surround them in love and role model to them what being a loving parent looks like. It’s hard but not impossible

Yes, she said that she worked.

OP should not think herself “lucky” because her ex is a grade 6 shitbag whilst your ex is a grade 10 shitbag.

She works 3 days

Pretty sure upthread she said she works three days a week, presumably on the days her child is in nursery.

Frankly when my ExH had our children EOW he mentally abused them and they took a lot of settling down in the interim 12 days in order to feel secure. It was in practical terms easier when he moved away and only wpuld see them 2-3 times a year. It ruined my career which had required long hours and foreign travel, and has had permanent and serious financial impact.

Roll on many years and my young adult children see him and care for him but they don’t trust him. They never rely on him for anything. They and I however are very close. I did all the parenting, it was not my choice, but it was worth it. His loss.

OP has said the child does 3 full days a week at nursery but hasn't said whether she works.