Ex doesn’t want our child more than every other weekend!

They absolutely will or hold him accountable for not.

This should be the standard anyway. 50/50 the full cost of childcare.

This.

If he can’t (won’t) do an extra day, and he is therefore only parenting 2 days in 14, could he fund a few hours of nursery on one of the kid’s non-nursery days to give you some breathing space?

Also - as other posters have said, the toddler stage will pass and it will feel a bit easier eventually.

My children's father, self employed, went to his business premises every day all day. He only needed to be there weekdays. Summer evenings at home he manicured the garden. Had no input with child rearing/caring/entertaining of any kind. Hid the cheque book so I had to save family allowance (yes I'm that old) for their clothing (and mine). Allowed one week in a rented caravan in North Wales each summer. Left the house if my family or friends visited. Expected me to be 'hot' in the bedroom.
Reader, I divorced him. So he closed his business, became unemployed, therefore could not pay child maintenance. Refused to have the children....not a surprise!
Why do we give our lives to these men?
Cocklodger...love that expression!

Get rid of him! YANBU. You will survive, I did. My kids turned out well and are great fathers.

If dads refuse to step up, maybe they should have to pay for childcare for the bit they're not doing?

I mean they are the ones that wanted 50/50 as default, right?

Do you work and are your children in school or nursery?

My kids dad fucked off to the south of France 🤡
Im not sure the courts can force more than what he’s already doing unfortunately and to be quite honest, the way I see it with my ex, why would I force him? If he didn’t want to see the kid, your kid will soon grow up and realise, it did not take my two long to see through their father and now have nothing to do with him.

Hold on, just so I understand:

You chucked him.
He works long hours 5 days a week.
You want him to have kiddo every weekend.
He's saying this means he won't have any life outside of work and childcare.
He's a great dad.
You've issued an ultimatum saying he can't see his kid at all.

Yeah, I hope he takes it to court.

It didn’t get him anywhere, but I would try court, and even if he doesn’t step up, try for financial support, it’s the minimum you deserve and you may be able to then fund clubs/nursery easier etc.

He is paying CM; OP has said this.

Since you posted your post before the poster after mine, you can’t really cite that post as evidence.

And since you CBA to read the thread, and I have been on it since the start, I shall accord both you and your post the amount of respect you deserve.

Ta ra, chuck.

The shoe could be on the other foot, I know it’s rare, but my friends wife, walked out 5 years ago, leaving 5 kids to the dad, no visits, no financial support. He’s an awesome dad and gets nothing to help.
Whilst my example doesn’t help and it’s a rare situation, as for some reasons Dads tend to be the ars in lots of cases, take from it you are the better parent and should be proud, that’s what I told him.

It didn’t get him anywhere, but I would try court, and even if he doesn’t step up, try for financial support, it’s the minimum you deserve and you may be able to then fund clubs/nursery easier etc.

Honestly

Oh and as for "who on this thread said that" how about the post directly after yours.

I can't be bothered to look through all the pages and find identical examples, but there will be many. There always are. Of what the OP should tell this man...make this man do... Which is all pointless because you can make the man do nothing.

It's called fact.

OP can make the dad parent this child no more then she can make me. All this "ohhh the bar is on the floor" is pointless drama. That's the fact of the matter.

In the real world, the only thing she can force is CMS to attempt to get maintenance. So actually, yes, be grateful for anything she gets because she's entitled, to zero. Not what she thinks she deserves, or what the "useless man" should be doing in whoever's opinion.

If she is getting any respite by the father having the child, who clearly can't be that arsed because 4 days in every 28 is sod all, and he's refused to make it even 5, it would be wise to not push it further, because OP will end up with zero. And there's nothing she can do about it.

What do you think court will do? If he’s not willing to do it or say he can’t they won’t make him?

Please take him to court.

how arrogant that he thinks that he can do this.

he is 50% parent and you do all the parenting.

absolutely not.

I'm baffled when people start all the "ha ha ha, tell him he'll be having them every weekend, and you'll be dropping them off at 7am" etc.

Who on this thread has said this?

Whilst it's infuriating, you need to consider yourself lucky of anything the dad does because you have zero say about it.

Dear goddess, the bar is on the actual floor. And attitudes like these - count yourself lucky if a dad does ANYTHING - that contribute to (some) men basically thinking it’s not their job and they are fabulous if they do something, however small.

Unfortunately you need to remove your expectations. Whilst it's infuriating, you need to consider yourself lucky of anything the dad does because you have zero say about it. So many women are entitled about this, but like it or not, he can tell you to fuck off tomorrow and you'll be lonely parenting 100%.

I'm baffled when people start all the "ha ha ha, tell him he'll be having them every weekend, and you'll be dropping them off at 7am" etc.

Tell him? You've got no ability to tell anyone. But he can indeed tell you that you're now the sole parent and never contact him again.

Our body, our choice, our consequences.

Hi op I know it’s hard work but it will get easier and it’s your ex who will miss out. He will regret his choices when he realises he’s a shit dad. Paying cm doesn’t make him a good dad. Op when he’s at school parents evenings and sports days etc. op you don’t have to include him as he’s a very part time dad and a lot of men are really this selfish if he is doing it to punish you let him think your happy having dc more because the more you ask for help the more he will enjoy your struggles. He’s a twat. Simple as that. Maybe take a few days off work when dc in nursery to recharge yourself.

You have two options unfortunately.

1- suck it up.

2- give him the child full time.

you can’t force anyone to be a parent and neither can a court.

This is how it works if you have custody- if he doesn't want joint custody then this is how often he will see them, you can't force it, and it wouldn't be great if you did. TBH when this happened in my family it was usually only a few hours on a Saturday- Friday night to Sunday night is better than average.
Many men move away and want to do less than once a fortnight, once he has a new girlfriend/wife and kids with her it quite often happens they don't want to see the kids from an earlier marriage at all- it's just the way most men are wired, I'm afraid.

Could you look at some form of childcare that he pays for to give you a break?

It’s not her child it’s their child!

This is where I am now. Mine are older teenagers and Ive been divorced since they were tiny with their Dad having them one night a month. I was massively resentful and struggled terribly when they were little. Now they're older we are very close and all thriving. They hardly even reply to his texts. Karma got him in the end