Ex doesn’t want our child more than every other weekend!

Right it's not the system. So don't claim they can be made to pay for something that they can't.

You've misunderstood what a court order does. With two parents both fighting for more time then yes it sets out when each parent will have the child. With a parent who wants minimal time with the child it sets out when the resident parent has to make the child available to the other parent. It does not, and cannot make a non resident parent care for the child more than they are willing to.

If they’re made pay maintenance they should be made paid they should be made paid for other things that the child needs. I know it’s not the system but it should be

Thats okay for you not to believe me.

With your extensive knowledge of the family court you will know that I cannot provide details of the outcomes of family court.

That would leave me in contempt of the very court that I got a shared care agreement with a safe other parent.

The more women take men to court to uphold their rights as a shared parent the more the tide will change and there will have to be a shift in culture and the patriarchal systems that oppress us.

it is NOT good enough that some men provide financial support but no responsibility in or outside of being in a relationship.

The very act of becoming a parent (usually) requires two people and those two people are (usually) named on a birth certificate stating they are parents.

So, we just accept that their opportunity to work, leisure etc is above their parental responsibility and we struggle? Absolutely not.

Yup, pull up a chair, he won't suddenly (or ever) decide to do more, be more involved. Don't 'be nice' about maintenance.

You can't change anything but your mindset, you'll feel better if you expect very little.

Of course the family Court can force parents to see their children at certain times. That is literally what magistrates do every day when parents can't agree between themselves what the contact schedule looks like. Magistrates will decide how much each parent sees the child and when etc. yes the parents views will be taken into account but obviously not followed otherwise we cannot work anything out when they have two different views. So we try to come up with a compromise with the best interests of the child as the aim/focus, as always. And of course there can be consequences for not following orders drawn out by the magistrates. Contact schedules drafted through Court are court orders and ignoring them is contempt of court.
Not suggesting it is easy and yes it is shitty dad doesn't want to step up further but yes there are options though they may not be easy or achieve everything mum wants. It's not a perfect system but i would like to think it is decent.

You mentioned your Ex's mum @SassyCrab , can you drop DS with her on a Friday afternoon and Ex can collect from there?

You're the only one who's claimed they got a court order to force the other parent to parent more and you refused to give any detail, so forgive me if my extensive professional experience of the family court means I don't believe you

And yet, there are differences of lived experiences.

Where the outcome does not align to that?!?

You're right - and it is women who pick up the slack - because usually (NAMALT) they are the more attuned, child focused parent 🤷🏼‍♀️ the problem that people on this thread are trying to fix is how you force men to be better by using the authorities. And you can't. Social attitudes need to change which won't happen via court orders.

You are struggling and that's very very understandable.

But please don't spend too much energy bemoaning your ex, however unfair it all is, as this is energy you can be redirecting to finding solutions, even if they are imperfect ones.

I think you've hit a wall with ex, and if you have funds you might need to get practical about other forms of respite, even if it's not the full rest you need atm. Like a mother's help, who may build up to being a much needed babysitter one day (I'm just suggesting this as an example, as additional nursery hours didn't seem an option).

You mentioned ex's extended family - would they be open to and suitable for the occasional Saturday of care (leaving ex out if it)? I appreciate that may be a long shot.

If it helps, when your DS is out of the toddler stage, you might regret it if you'd given up every weekend with him, and just left yourself with the drudgery of the weekdays.

Really really try and make the most of the weekends you do have free, focusing on what you need most. I know comparisons aren't always helpful when you're struggling, but 2 completely free weekends is more than coupled women get. One would hope they don't carry the full load during the week too, but let's face it, many do.

You really sound like you need to recharge your battery. How does it work with your annual leave when kid is at nursery? Can you take time off work that doesn't need to be spend with DS?

Wishing you luck and a chance to catch your breath.

Wtf

No @Jumpingthruhoops it doesn’t “depend” on how the relationship broke up fgs

Can you imagine a world where the mums also said they would only do every other werkend too - who WOULD pick up the slack?! Would the kids go into care for the rest of the time, like boarding kennels? Ir would be classed as neglect, and bad parenting, and yet (invaribally) dads get away with this and FAR worse parenting. I used to say if my ex was fined each time he cancelled or failed to show up for contact with our dd, she could buy herself a new car on her 18th birthday. These kinds of people will do all kinds of sputeful, negletful and unkind things to their kids, interrupt finances, and mess with birthdays and Christmas too. The kids have no choice but to suck it up either. Our dd was not yet 3 when we split, and my ex began his abuse, it can be called nothing less. She is now 22, but he isca stranger to her, as his lack of contact grew to 3 yesrs here, 8 years there. It leads to mistrust and reluctance/refusal to see them when or if they do show up. He has married again twice since, both times not telling or inviting her. He wasn't there for her the day she started school, or the day she graduated Uni. It stinks but you can't force it, the kids know who was there for them, but let's face it, who could NOT want to be when you love them? I had no help. No parents, no siblings. His family also went no contact, they also believed it was me who blocked contact, and who are the new girlfriends/wives who also believe the lies, despite being able to see they make no effort every single day? It takes a special kind! But you will get there, you will make it, honestly.

Women have to accept that the majority of men do not want kids. They agree just to appease their partners. If the relationship breaks up it should come as no surprise that many men will have little to no interest in their children. Of course it's not right but that's the reality of it.

No it really doesn't
Having children is a commitment separate to the commitment you make to their other parent. It's not conditional on the relationship continuing. No matter why the relationship ended, both parents still have responsibilities towards their children until they are adults.

Well, it all depends on why the mother ended the relationship, surely? Just need a bit more context to decide if SIBU or not...

Huh
you think if the mother is the one who chooses to end the relationship the father should be able to opt out of sharing parenting because it wasn't his choice to separate? Interesting take

Apologies if this has been explained already but what does he mean by 'you wanted this'? It's one thing for a father to leave... it's another for a mother to break off the relationship knowing they will have to parent, largely, alone. Not sure how much you can 'demand' in this scenario...

It’s not a competition on who has it worse . Single parenting is hard and it is often the woman who ends up doing the lions share . Can you outsource help OP? A cleaner ? Online shopping? Anything to make your life a bit easier? It gets easier as they get older . Toddlers are brutal

No you can't? How can you make a parent pay for counselling against their will?

This thread has really shown how much misplaced faith people have in systems and authorities for forcing adults to do things they don't want to do. We don't live in a system like that.

This entire thread has discussed extensively and at length how you can't go to court to enforce a parent seeing their child. You simply can't. It's not what court is for, it doesn't work like that.

My ex was the same. I’d have to drop my 3, ages 12,6 & 2 on a Friday after school and pick them up on a Saturday before tea every 2 weeks. Sometimes he’d have to go to gigs so it was once a month. I was so used to staying at home with them and not going out that I ended up missing them and dreading them going anyway. They are now 28, 21 & 17. He’s missed out on so much, but that was his choice. They still go for tea every 2 weeks, but they go out of obligation. They would rather stay at home.

I would be off to court again.

To do what??

Are you not getting that he's not got to stick to it at all. Just because a contact schedule is drawn up, he doesn't actually have to see them. There is zero consequence from him deciding not to turn up. Zero.

You can not stop access. So you can't stop him on "his days" and he has to return them for "your days.". If he chooses not to turn up for his day, there's absolutely nothing you can do. What exactly are your planning on doing in court? Telling on him because he didn't turn up? The court won't do a thing.

It hasn’t!

but if it did I would be off to court again.

If the parents are safe then they both have a responsibility to parent.

I would expect my children to do the same
if they found themselves in a similar situation when they grow up.

Men have too much power and entitlement and there are too many people who think that one parent should do more than the other with the justification that they pay CMS.

Absolutely not.

OP please find the courage to call this guy out as there are processes to do this.

Cant agree that keeping the child from him
as a threat is helpful to your case though.