Ex doesn’t want our child more than every other weekend!

Fuck him. I wouldn’t want my son to go somewhere that he was only barely tolerated.

Does your son want to see him, cos if he doesn’t, I wouldn’t let him go?
Your ex can have all the adult time he wants, then.

It doesn't matter whether it would or not. The court CANNOT order a parent to step up.

But he won't be punished. There is no legal mechanism to punish a father for not turning up for contact.

You really don't understand the family court if that's what you think. You're completely wrong.

Exactly

He doesn’t love his child enough not to have abused their Mother. No good Father does that. You abuse the Mother then you are abusing the child by proxy. Personally while understanding how incredibly hard your situation is, I wouldn’t want someone capable of domestic abuse spending more time with my child than necessary.

My thoughts are be careful what you wish for.

My ex is dragging me through court for 50/50 at the moment despite having never been at home during our marriage, etc.

I wish he would go to EOW.

What a twat

Id be rejoicing he wants only EOW

10 years for me. Two disabled young people (& I'm disabled myself). exH does no 1:1 time with them &, in last 6m, has taken them to the cinema. Once (and asked me to make sure they were fed first). He's 60, retired 5 years.
I once asked him 'what if I took the same stance'? & he said he'd 'put them into care'.
His loss (theirs too, growing up with such an inadequate father, but I can't control that)

I don't know what 'we can do as a society' to address this but it's both hugely unfair & very sad.

As I say… we want different things for our children @oblada

Not a risk of be willing to make. Waving my child off with someone who has openly declared he doesn’t want to be with his child. Sure he’s not going to beat or neglect the child but I want more than that

It's a balance. If mum is overwhelmed than a father doing a decent job to give mum a break may work just fine..in this case dad clearly loves his kid but just thinks he can do it on his terms. No reason to think he wouldn't show love or affection to the kid. He may not be the best but he may be good enough. And good enough is definitely something I have had to adjust when involved in the Court system. It's a balance. And working out what is best for the child overall.

I want better than meeting physical needs @oblada

you aren’t bothered. Each to their own

Not a risk that some will be happy to make.

you would. Fair enough

I have 4... Why? And no i don't agree that a court ordering a parent to step up will lead to the child being mistreated.

It is worth noting this is as much a cultural thing as a legal thing in France there are as many or more single parent families with the Dad with custody. It is normal for a woman to remarry and leave the children with their father.
My mother lived in a village in SW France with 3 single parent families- all three were Dads with their children.

Happened to me. Split when dc was 1.5. He did barely anything until dc was 4 and he got a gf. Ideal for him gf has own house and no kids! He now does 2 weekday nights and 1 weekend a month ( can be 6 weeks between weekends). He'll only do long stretches if gf is off work to help though and she does some school drop offs

The trouble is if mothers could emotionally distance themselves from their children like this most women wouldn't have had children in the first place.

So they court order a father to see his child despite father open declaring fuck all desire to see child.

Does father meet the child’s physical needs? Yes
Does the father beat the child? No

Does The father demonstrate love? Attention? Engagement? Support? Guidance? Softness? No.

So sure - wave off your child to a father complying with the court order because he knows he’ll be punished otherwise. But my standard for what I want for my child is higher than the bare minimum

Do you have children @oblada ?

Seriously? And your dh continues to be close to someone like this??

You can enforce pick up time op- you can say ds needs to do his bedtime routine, if you can’t collect by 7:20 you can collect the next morning at 9, it’s not good for him to keep him up. You have to hold firm and keep him extra for him to understand that. You can even say if you can’t collect at the agreed time then you don’t see him that weekend, that was your collect time. He should pick up his game if it means he doesn’t see his child, he doesn’t want other people to know he never sees them.

DH’s best friend has the same mentality. His long term partner has decided to split with him and so he’s said he will have their DC EOW only because ‘this is what she wants’. I think it’s a form of punishment, really petty.

Pretty sure I know exactly how the Court works and what order it makes 😂Not saying it is great but yes parents can be ordered to step up. Now admittedly the focus will always be the child's best interests and if one parent refuses to step up and is a fairly crap parent, then no they won't be ordered to step up unfortunately. But otherwise yes they can absolutely be ordered to.

You could easily state what contact arrangement you ended up with and how it happened without identifying your children or any parties in the proceedings. You don't have to of course, but your claim that this happened to you with no evidence means nothing. Sorry.