Ex doesn’t want our child more than every other weekend!

It’s shit and so many men walk away and leave the woman to raise their children. My ex has just decided to move to another country. So that’s that!

My friend has a similar scenario
she paid to go to court and I went with her
it went like this:-
She wanted more access by the dad said not 50/50 but Tuesday and Thursday night and every other weekend….. and half the school holidays

ex said he can only do every other weekend and as he doesn’t get back home until 7pm it would be 8am Sat to 6pm Sunday and he gets 5 weeks annual leave and he said he will do separate weeks to have the kids and he pays her a more than fair amount of maintenance, has let her have the house (signed it over to her for the 2 kids) he lost about £60k he could have had if they’d sold it and went 50/50 but to be honest he’s been more than fair financially
BUT I understand it doesn’t help practically and I get it’s hard but ultimately my friend ended the relationship and he said that in court - he said he was doing the best by his kids financially but his job doesn’t allow him to do midweek teas/ sleepovers as he’s working
judge said all reasonable and he was being more than decent!
my friends kids are 4 and 6 they were 2 and 4 at the time and I’ve said to her hopefully as they get older it’ll be easier.

Yeah! Imagine if men were forced to be accountable to their responsibilities and do their fair share! Imagine if we, as a society, expected the same and didn't just shrug out shoulders pathetically when men do so little and say 'well, boys will be boys!'.

Imagine.

I can't see you have a leg on stand on here, the other way of looking at this is 'why should he lose every weekend?'. You'd do better in many ways of trying to get him to do 9 days straight Sat->though to 2nd Sun.

Christ, when you can refuse to see your child more than once a fortnight and your ex still says "he's not a bad dad" the bar really is on the floor. He is a bad dad. If I refused to see my children for 12 days out of 14, I would definitely be seen as a bad mum!

Unfortunately you can't make him see his child, though. You'll have to consider what support you can put in place for yourself as. He is refusing to help.

An a court can’t force a mother either

if both parents refuse to parent up - then the child is handed over to social services

But what about the mothers on here (and elsewhere) that would like more time to themselves? We just don’t get that option but men do!?!

If the courts are not forcing fathers to step up then they are forcing the mothers to do it by default, even when those mothers are burnt out and desperate for some down time themselves.

I mean men know they can get away with it without being judged as harshly as women, plus women have been socially conditioned from childhood to pick up the slack for useless men and to make everything ok for the kids by suffering in silence. It’s not fair though is it?

He’s not a bad dad

Yes he his.

He's abandoning his child just to spite you. Why do we set the bar so low that this could be considered not bad? He's an awful Dad.

I wouldn't want to give my child to a father who doesn't want that extra time with them. It is not in the child's best interests to do so.

I am the sole parent to my child and have no help. I also get no CM. I just crack on with it and make the best of the situation.

My ex and i have had that exact set up for 8 years. I like it that way... even though DS is disabled and i'm 'on-call' for everything 24/7 for him. The time he's with his dad is my respite time.

ExH has the option to have them more and initially he chose not to, now the kids (teenagers) prefer it here. DD16 only goes to stay once a month these days. He doesn't have them much during holidays either.

Ultimately, i provided a safe, loving, stable, fun home environment and left his relationship with the kids up to him.. that is HIS responsibility. DD has decided she wants as little to do with him as possible, DS is enjoying having one weekend a month just him and his Dad.

Unfortunately either parent can take this stance, but it’s usually the father. No, you can’t force him to see his children. It’s generally considered not in the best interests of any children to spend time with someone who is being court ordered to do so.

If you think he’s doing it deliberately, could you try reverse psychology and give the impression you don’t want him to have them at all?

Not “unfortunately” at all!!

You think it’s in your son’s best interests of him to spend time with someone who actively doesn’t want to spend time with him??!

Its 24 weekends a year more than my kids father has ever taken them and I don't have family around either. Unfortunately you cannot force him to have your child.

There's nothing you can do. The court can't force him to see his kids. I personally wouldn't want my kids going every weekend . It means you get all the mundane weekday stuff and none of the fun weekend stuff. Is there other people who want to be involved with the kids, grandparents or aunty's and uncle's? Maybe, they could help with childcare. You need to find support outside if their dad.

Again wrong thread
I am sorry!!

Yep, I feel for you but you can’t do anything. ExDP has our DC two nights a month. This is not reflected in his Child Maintenance as he’s told them he’s unemployed, so they’ve said he doesn’t have to pay anything. He’s an embarrassment of a human being. However, he’s the one who will miss out.

Yes, it’s fucking gruelling - and I’ve only got the one. But I’ve accepted the relative poverty and the lack of adult time as I know it’s a short-term thing. Year on year life gets easier. My income increases, and the time I get to myself becomes longer and richer. And at the end of it, I’ll also have the bonus of knowing I achieved it by myself.

No court is going to force a parent to spend more time with their child then they want.

You can’t force someone to parent a child

you couldn’t imagine just handing the child to him and saying I’ll look after them every other weekend ?

out choices are not always the ones we want

Oh come on

We are parents. Do you also impose zero limits?

Welcome to the club. It’s shitty, it’s unfair, it’s a failure of society but here we are.

Wrong thread

And as others have said there’s no system in place that will force him to look after his child more. It’s not considered in the best interest of the child.

I feel a lot of resentment towards my ex, particularly the money side. But I’m trying to change my mindset that I’m glad that I am seeing more of my kids growing up than he is.

Imagine a family court system where the judge would FORCE a parent to have more time with their child despite said parent saying - nope, don’t want anything to do with the kid but I will pay CMS