Ex doesn’t want our child more than every other weekend!

If both parents were refusing to look after the child then a) the child would probably end up in care and b) the parents could be arrested for child neglect. At least one of a child's parents has to be an adult about the situation and look after the child.

It’s not about letting men off the hook, though sadly that is the consequence. It’s acknowledging that your child needs care, and providing it. Sure, I could do the same as exDP and only see my DC for 48 hours in every month, but I’m not a shit human being. I love my child, and I want what’s best for them - which is to be with at least one loving parent, providing warmth, and shelter, and consistency.

You can’t force this. What you can do though is try and stay on good terms and as DS gets older suggest it might want to see him more, especially if they develop similar interests.
DS is still small and will get easier. Do you work or are you at home with him all the time?
You eventually won’t want him gone every weekend as when he’s in school you would hardly see him. These are hard years, they are very reliant on you. Soon he’ll be in school, he’ll go to activities, friends houses and you might be glad that all his free time isn’t at ex’s.

The one thing you will have to think about are school holidays if you do work as they are hard to manage on one set of annual leave.

4 nights a month i presume the op meant

That's twice a month, isn't it? Not four times?

I imagine you felt very worried handing them over!

How in the hell do posters that think parents should be forced to parent their children envisage that working out?

You can't force a parent to parent without a very high chance of the child suffering.

My ex had the children one week a YEAR, and then only when with his parents!

You honestly think a parent who stands in front of a judge and says - I want NOTHING to do with my child beyond paying the required CMS, as I have NO desire to care for them at all - should be FORCED to have his children?

That is… terrifying

and engage brain. If both parents are saying - I don’t want my kid and have no intention of looking after them then the child is thankfully removed from them

Have you wilfully misunderstood
my point @Empthy

or do you actually think a shitty father who is open about wanting nothing to do with his children should be forced to have children in his sole care?

My GC's dad chose to see them for only 24hrs once a month from when they were out of nappies. No other time. Now GC is nearly an adult and has chosen to put their dad at the bottom of the list (after sport, dating, college and a part-time job) and hasn't chosen to see him since October half term. These dads reap what they sow.

I mean yes he should want to see his child more and it’s sad that he won’t but you can’t force him.

Could he pick up from school Friday and drop there on Monday morning on his weekends at least?

That's rubbish. He's a shit parent.
Don't let him know he's getting to you. Maybe try some reverse psychology. It worked for someone I know who's horrible, controlling, bad parent ex wanted 50:50 just to spite her. She acted happy to get a break and get her life back. Would send her child to him with her gym clothes on or make an effort with her outfit, hair and makeup like she was going out, smiley and relaxed. Worked like a charm.

Act like you're happy to have your child more and miss them far too much on "his" weekends.

hes a rubbish dad but they can’t force him
to be present. You can only use the child maintenance to buy respite or tell his mum on him. Those are your only options!

Well no, if mum didn’t want to either then the kid would go into care

Yeah, imagine a system where parents who don’t want to have their kids are forced to have them. Child neglect, cruelty and possible murder come to mind.

It’s tough when the other parent fails in their parenting duties but I hope you can find a support network to help you navigate those issues and create some space for yourself. Do you have any mummy friends who may be able to help? Just for a play date or someone who you trust to babysit for a few hours? Could you ask for help at your local playgroup or church?

It should happen, imo.

Everyone is telling the OP, "why would you WANT the father to have the kid if he doesn't want them? The courts can't force them" blah dee blah.

But what is the mother ALSO says, "I don't want the child more than twice a month"? Do the parents get charged with neglect/abandonment? Does the judge enforce an order covering both of them?

It does get easier as they get older. At first when they're young, you get absolutely no time that isn't meticulously planned. Now mine are early teens, and I can leave them at home for a few hours - even go out for the evening (if I'm not going to be late). They can make dinner if I'm knackered, largely put themselves to bed and dress themselves etc.

But when they are young - it is relentless.

My ex used to take them to Mcdonalds for an hour every Wednesday, that was it. You can't force him to see them.

This I laugh when I read on here 'divorce and you'll get 50% of your time off'

my kids dad sees them about twice a month, for a Saturday. And that's an increase on when we split when he buggered off for 10 months.

All you can do is make sure you're getting what the child is owed in maintenance.

Well if that’s the case then men have it so easy
Yes. They do. It is the patriarchy.

He’s not a bad dad but he does this to spite me for breaking up with him
He is a bad dad. He isnt parenting. And he is refusing to be a decent parent just to make your life harder. He is a selfish arsehole. And absolutely a bad dad.

What you need to do is build a community around you both so you can flourish without his father. Build a career. Find a decent baby sitter. Build a friendship group of similar women. Build up a social life with your ds.

No it’s not fair. But no court will force him to have his child. He will simply say no and that’s that.
it’s tough but it’s better (in my opinion) to accept that now and plan your life accordingly.