Ex doesn’t want our child more than every other weekend!

Why does that matter? What is it you're about to gotcha me on if I say yes? And what if I say no?

I mean…. Where to start

@Empthy do you have children?

I don't WANT to do a lot of things but I know there'll be serious consequences if I don't, so I do.

When there aren't any consequences and people let me get away with being a lazy arse, I generally do that.

Stop supporting a system that allows men to live with no consequences.

So you've got a Dad who for whatever reason doesn't do 50/50, your plan is to put them in jail where they're not earning to pay maintenance or able to see their child? Most women don't actually even want 50/50 so will they have to go to jail if they fail to agree?

I heartily agree that legal sanctions should be in place: I think Child Maintenance is a farce, and I honestly think prison time should be mandated in some cases. Ditto bringing our boys up to know better, and our daughters to only accept equality.

This is Insane

you can’t force someone to WANT to care for their child
if you do, it is the CHILD that suffers
And of course there is a legal consequence for not caring for a child in your care and putting them at risk - child neglect

I can’t help but think you’re not very bright @Empthy

@Empthydo you have children?

And that's what they're relying on. They walk away, they know you'll put up with it.

I agree, it's not at all a reality in the present system. But it SHOULD be, we SHOULD expect more - men SHOULDN'T be allowed to just shrug and give up. We need to raise men better, we need to expect more, we need to have real and actionable consequences when they don't pull their weight. Don't want to look after your kid? Legal sanctions it is. Don't do a good job and put them at risk? Legal sanctions it is.

The mother would ususally step up and do the majority of it.

You have to sick it up for now.
He might be a bit afraid of having him too long. It took my ex a year to build up to having overnights. And he's the best dad now a true 50/50 coparents.
You can't force change but you can encourage, praise him, tell him your son seems happy after a weekend. He's hurting, it's so recent - we all say and do horrible stuff at the start. Think long term

I don’t disagree, but how do you enforce that? Literally walk away from your child for 50% of their lives? And what happens if the other person doesn’t pick up the slack? It’s not a game of chicken I’m prepared to play when my child’s wellbeing is in the centre.

He pays CM - OP has said: It is what it is I guess, he does give me decent child maintenance but just don’t feel like it’s beneficial to our son to see him every 2 weeks

Is he 2 years old - why would you even talk to your ex MIL

What would happen if both parents only wanted the kids every other weekend and not during the week?

Have you taken him to CM services? Court can’t make him have his child. Getting lots of his money might help? He might suddenly realise that it would be cheaper to have them more often.

Well when the child is with Dad, you can always say you don't want him back yet and refuse to collect / take him back. Or turn up on his doorstep, and as soon as he opens the door shout a cheery goodbye and leave.

Because being with a parent who resents him and doesn't want him is really gonna be good for him.....

Are you working op? Does dc go to nursery? Perhaps people can help you come up with strategies to help rather than you and ex fighting over who doesn't have to have the kid

Do you work FT? How old is tour toddler? How long until they get some nursery time?

No they aren't. The ultimate responsibility for parenting children sits with both the parents. Both should be prepared to parent 100% of the time if required to. Any arrangements to share the care of the child is between the two parents. One parent abdicating responsibility doesn't mean the court is forcing the other parent to parent their child!

All about yourself. Why would you force someone to have your kid when they don’t want too? Way to make your child feel unwanted.

I agree with this.
Of course this man OUGHT to want to be a decent parent to his child, but he doesn't and you cant turn him into a decent person.
Why do you want your child to spend time with someone who is only going to make him feel unwanted?

I'm assuming he meant that the OP wanted to break up with him, and in doing so was breaking up the family unit - and therefore this is his offering.

not even a child is at stake
by forcing someone who is openly saying - I do not want to care for this child, it’s the child that is put at risk

My ex was the same, OP. He only worked a stones throw from the children's primary school so I suggested he see them EOW and also after school during the week on Wednesdays (more if he wanted to). He declined anything other than EOW as he had a hobby he did with his gf which was his priority, and like yours he said it was 'what you wanted' as I had ended the relationship (due to his abuse). It was an excuse, of course, he just wanted his freedom and wanted to make that my responsibility. The children are adults now and do have a relationship with him, but their opinion of him is really quite poor and they feel let down in many ways.

Court can force a parent to make a child available for contact, but they can't force that other person to turn up. However in my experience you reap what you sow.

If the person in question is criminally neglectful or homicidal then this is quite another matter. However mostly it's a case that men just don't want the responsibility or the hard work so they shrug and say 'cant be bothered'. And we all let them. And when they do a shit job of it, we don't expect better, we say 'oh I'd best do it myself, poor dad can't possibly be asked to do any more'

Exactly this. OP has said that the dad plays with the kid, presumably feeds him properly and all that too. He just doesn’t feel like doing 50/50. So he’s not doing it. I doubt OP feels like it a lot of the time, but she does it.