Ex doesn’t want our child more than every other weekend!

On what do you base that opinion? Because mine is based on what a social worker told me.

Actually I’m dying to hear your answer. Can you pease outline the mechanism by which someone will be “forced” to care for their child more than they decide to?

'Cannot' and 'don't want to' are entirely different things.

You cannot simply surrender your children to social services because you can't be arsed. Or people would be dropping off their kids left right and centre.

To think what? It's pure logic! If you can't understand that that not my problem.

If 2 parents stand in court and say they only each want to have the child 4 days a fortnight, what do you think the outcome would be? Please do share your answer, I'm dying to hear it.

Agreed. My ex is an EOW dad and frankly I wouldn’t want him to have them more as he veers between low-key neglect (leaving them on devices all day) and weird competitive Disney Dad behaviour (eg if the kids mention I am planning to take them to do a specific activity in a couple of weeks, he will take them to do that activity right away to spite me).

My kids are tweens now and they see him for exactly who he is and have an okay relationship but also somewhat eye-rolly attitude to him as they can clearly see the difference between the level of effort he puts in and the level of effort I do.

I feel nothing but sorry for him these days as I have built a beautiful relationship with my kids and know he is missing out on so much richness. Yes, the early years can be hard at times when they need much more hands-on care, but if you can reframe being the primary parent as a privilege not a burden (so your kids don’t feel your resentment), the rewards down the road are enormous.

If they are incapable, no. If it's willful neglect, or deliberate harm then yeah, there are laws against that.

Did you ask him to have him an extra Sunday or an extra day (any day)? I can see why he said no to an extra Sunday, he’d be having him 3 out of the 4 weekend days in a fortnight and if he works 5 weekdays a week then it’s fair you both have a whole weekend with DC each and then a weekend each by yourselves. What’s not fair is him not seeing his DC at all the rest of the time, could he have DC one weekday night each week for example?

Mine did same. Never paid proper maintenance. Built a career with no childcare. Piece of shit.

Exactly this. My ex didn’t watch DC in the school play where they had the starring role. Nor did they listen to their conversations on the way home from school, take them on their first holiday, laugh with them at their favourite TV shows. I’m the winner.

I'd guarantee no such thing because you're simply wrong. If both parents said that they cannot care for their children then neither of them would be legally forced to do so. Instead, the children would be placed in the wider family or taken in to care.

You don't get put in jail for being unwilling/unable to look after your children, only for outright abuse and criminal neglect which has a high bar.

Be grateful. I wish I could have my kids more than 50:50.

relish the fact your home will be their primary/only home, your relationship stronger for being together more and not having to share them. You will be their main influence and decision maker.

you can’t make someone else parent

What are your ex work hours like as you said he works long hours?

So are you at work the 3 days he's at nursery?

I have had this set up for 6 years (my child is 9). It is rubbish that all the parenting admin falls to you (my ex does the fun stuff at weekends), but as others have said you do get into your groove and find a way to make it work. I decided to move away from my ex to be closer to family and my parents do a lot which works out well. The advantage of the 'every other weekend' is that your childs main home remains yours, rather than them feeling split between two homes. Personally i love the set up, but my DC is older npw

You don’t have kids
You live in cloud cuckoo land to think this

Ok so you don’t think there should be a legal punishment imposed on a parent for admitting they do not wish to have anything to do with their child.

phew!

He is a bad person. Society does a horrible job of letting these men get away with barely being parents. The natural response to finding out how little a man sees his children should make acquaintances, friends, and family completely reevaluate their opinion of the man. Yet some still give him credit for being involved at all.

the law also doesn’t reflect the huge economic impact the parenting split has on mothers. These men are free to work without worrying about childcare or school runs. It is harder for the primary parent to earn.

This is a good post and the way I try to look at things now also.

My ex has never-
played the tooth fairy
been the one ds2 asked school to ring when he had a head injury
remembered their teachers or friends names
received compliments about their behaviour from school and friends
been the one they instinctively reach for

There is a legal duty for both parents to care for their children - parental rights come with parental responsibilities. The dad would be more than contacted - there would be significant pressure brought to bear and yes if he absolutely wouldn’t they’d look for a kinship placement. Taking a child into care is an option of last resort, there aren’t placement for kids who need them due to abuse and neglect much less a child who has a capable parent who can’t be arsed.

I agree, and I protect my child from that suffering. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to see my ex breaking rocks somewhere. Maybe in ankle chains, picking litter on the side of the road. 😉

Why would you think you're correct? Do you think that generally?

If I had kids and I said I didn't want to care for them more than 4 days a week, and their father said the same - you can guarantee that someone would be FORCED to do it.

I wouldn’t send my children to someone who didn’t want them. I think EOW is enough time with this loser.

Can you claim enough CMS to make it work for you to put your son in nursery 4 days a week so you get one day a week guaranteed break?

If there was a punishment for admitting to not wanting to have anything to do with your child, may men would pretend otherwise.

So the child would be thrust upon them.

who suffers most? The child!!