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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you bother with this man?

90 replies

Sunshine386 · 31/01/2026 09:37

Been on a couple of dates with someone online, however one was mid December, the last one was a couple of weeks ago. He couldn't meet over Xmas due to being busy, away and not very well. First one was a drink and second one was a coffee date, meeting half way location wise.

He does text me but hasnt asked me out again, and to be honest I don't reply for a few days because it's in the back of my mind that interested men who are looking for a relationship act more assertively than this and are trying to meet you once a week or something. I can't tell if he's just laid back, because he also does seem that way. I gave the benefit of the doubt over Xmas but to be honest I thought he would be trying to meet up with me sooner after the second date, but already two weeks have gone by and he hasn't asked again. Yes I know I could ask but I don't want something where I have to drive everything.

Would you ever bother replying to messages from this man or regard him as a time waster? Or I sometimes think, maybe men hold back effort of they think you are chilled and not that interested. I'm looking for something long term and also going on dates with others. I just don't want someone where every date is 3 weeks apart.

OP posts:
ChurchWindows · 31/01/2026 10:10

He doesn't seem interested.
If you like him give him a call and ask him out.
If you don't like him enough to do that, move on.

If you're after a lasting, successful, equal relationship then all this game playing and adhering to rules like you're a regency lady wanting to be asked to a ball is a poor start.

TwistedWonder · 31/01/2026 10:10

Doesn’t sound like either of you are that interested tbh.
I can’t be doing with silly games. If you want to see him again, ask him. It’s 2025 and you met online. Just say what you want, if he doesn’t match energy you have your answer

Changingplace · 31/01/2026 10:08

If you’ve got to ask this question the answer is already no.

BudgetBuster · 31/01/2026 10:07

Sunshine386 · 31/01/2026 10:05

Agree with people I'm not seeming interested, but it's off putting when someone seems not too bothered/ laid back. A lot of guys are trying to find out when you're free again if interested aren't they

But surely he's thinking the same thing about you 😂
It's surely offputting messaging someone who takes days to reply?

JLou08 · 31/01/2026 10:06

You don't sound interested in him. Dates 3 weeks apart would be fine for me in early days but if you even have to ask if you should bother then he isn't for you.

Sunshine386 · 31/01/2026 10:05

Agree with people I'm not seeming interested, but it's off putting when someone seems not too bothered/ laid back. A lot of guys are trying to find out when you're free again if interested aren't they

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 31/01/2026 10:05

Either engage properly or ditch. Games are just silly.

ComtesseDeSpair · 31/01/2026 09:58

Being the one to suggest a third date if you want one isn’t you driving everything: somebody has to do the asking. But agree with others, neither of you sound very bothered about continuing this so focus your attention on other dates with other people.

ForeverPombear · 31/01/2026 09:54

I don't think either of you are interested in each other by the sounds of it.

Raineys · 31/01/2026 09:51

Move on.

Silverbirchleaf · 31/01/2026 09:49

I think that if you’re having to ask the question, you know the answer.

Bin this one and chalk it up to experience. You don’t sound that bothered if you see him or not, and he’s not pushing for a date either.

MyLimeGuide · 31/01/2026 09:43

I would mug it off. If he isn't even messaging etc and leaving it weeks he can't be that interested. Sorry OP XX

ToKittyornottoKitty · 31/01/2026 09:42

He probably thinks you aren’t interested because you take days to reply. Neither of you sound very interested so I’d just move on

BudgetBuster · 31/01/2026 09:42

Seems like neither of you are bothered with eschother... do you want a pen pal?

PollyBell · 31/01/2026 09:41

So you're game playing and expect him to react to the string pulling like a puppy?

Do women have any self respect these days?

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