Would you bother with this man?

Just to be clear... you expect a man to be showing you loads of interest, whilst you show them none?

I’m sorry but this is unkind. She hasn’t made a HooHaa….. she’s asked a genuine question about something I and SO many others have experienced. Stop being rude.

I wonder if the real reason he was unavailable over Christmas was because he’s in a long term relationship?

I wasn't being bitchy. You have made a whole hooha out of a man not jumping to fawn over you, when you have been rude and not shown interest in him.

I got a notification on the thread and responded... I think I only commented once or maybe twice before that (yesterday).

You have been concentrating on what he thinks of you. What do you think of him? Is he a good catch and worth making a bit of effort for?

I guess you meed to be wary of what the future would look like though. If you were into him, but he left all the relationship work to you, would he also be like that when it came to looking after children or doing the housework or giving you attention?

I don’t think you are wrong in trying to set out some expectations right at the start of a potential relationship.

However, having said that, two dates isn’t very far in. Perhaps you two just don’t know each other enough yet or there is still room for misunderstandings where he might be waiting for you to make a move and he’s trying not to be pushy.

I think if you like him, message him for another date. Just go from there. After three dates you should know if it is worth persuing further.

Are you interested in him OP? That is the main question, if so make it clear to him and take it from there, regardless of what that outcome will be because at least you'll know and not be thinking "what if". Some people need clearer signals someones interested. If you aren't interested then call it a day.

Yes, mumsnet has descended into a cesspit with a lot of MRA and 'pick me' types, unfortunately, plus a load of people who always pile on just to pick a fight with the OP.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I ditched the last guy I was online dating because of this - it was just stilted and I didn't think he was really that interested. I need more than that.

I met (now) DH shortly after that. I have never doubted that he was interested in me - it was just so obvious.

Why are you blaming men for.not being interested in you when your clearly not making an effort either.

Its 2026... if you can't be bothered then don't online date.

It sounds like neither of you are interested. What's the point?

I dated then married before all this nonsense way of dating became the thing so I appreciate that I am a dinosaur in this regard, but I only ever wanted to go out with someone that WANTED me, that was so keen to see me again, that would make the time even when it was inconvenient. Anything less was time wasting. How would you ever move from a can’t be bothered attitude to him being the one for you otherwise?

OP I am the same as you. With a lot of men it’s like pulling teeth. I find that these sort of exchanges leave me feeling too on edge, over thinking it and unsure so personally I’d just cut your losses.

He may be the sort who ‘goes fishing’ when he’s a bit lonely with a ‘hey, how’s you?’ message later on so be wary of that.

Lots of feminism in this chat, but in my actual experience, men who are interested chase you relentlessly.

Why does he have to chase you? What have you done that would make him want to?

I wonder if he’s on a message board somewhere asking about the women who takes ages to reply to messages and whether she’s actually interested. I think you should grow up, if you’re interested show you’re interested, if he doesn’t do the same you have your answer. Stop the convoluted protect yourself game and take control of your own life.

You sound like hard work and really quite immature. I wouldn't bother with someone who were playing games the way you are. It's just not attractive. I much prefer to be with someone who can communicate and act in an honest way. Dating is hard enough, nobody wants or appreciates fake standoffishness.

No I wouldn’t waste my energy on someone like this.

Probably regarded as old fashioned these days, but I really couldn’t be bothered with a man that was so lacking in effort.

I was in a weirdly similar situation at the end of last year.. his name doesn’t begin with A does it 😅

I felt like I was getting in the way of his life and weeks between dates and no agreed plans for a third date bothered me so I didn’t reply. I agree that you may seem unbothered though so that may change his behaviour.

Doesn’t sound too promising being honest.
The whole it’s been 2 weeks, & he hasn’t suggested another date thing would be my answer whether I wanted to see him again or not .It would be a not for me .
When you meet someone & if it’s going places , it’s just flows easily & doesn’t seem to be with you two .

If you want to see him again ask him out. You’re prepared to post on here about him but not bothered enough to send him a message to suggest a third date? Nuts. And sexist if you think it’s somehow his job to ask you rather than vice versa.

I don’t think men are into game playing the same as women are. You don’t reply to his texts for days = I’m not really interested. If you want a man to chase you then you need to hook him in first, that won’t happen after one drink.

You met for a drink in December and then it was another month before he was free to meet again = he was waiting to see if he could meet anyone better, nobody came along so he thought he’d meet you for coffee and remind himself who you were. He was still not impressed and doesn’t want to meet you again. Give up on this one and move on.

He doesn’t sound as if he is that into you. I would move on.