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AIBU?

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To think my Grammar School DD 2 with an IQ of 119 should be aiming for at least Grade 7's in all her GCSE subjects.

307 replies

redange · 30/01/2026 23:55

My DD'2 is currently in the process of choosing her GCSE options for next year year 10 and at a Girls Grammar School in Essex. However, I am seriously upset with her attitude at the moment regarding what she thinks grades she should be achieving at the end of year 11. The, schools expectations are grade 7 and above for all subjects . The, other problem is because DD is in year 9 she obviously did not do her SATS at 11 so I have no predicted pathway to convince her. DD'2 has convinced herself, she will only be capable of at best 'all' grade 5's at end of year 11 despite having a decent IQ of 119. For, the record DD 1 IQ is 122 and she is expected to get between 6- 8 GCSE's at 9 and the others at 7/8.
Am I reasonable to think she is just being lazy, or is she suffering from a little bit of confidence, due to 'impostor' syndrome and her sisters likely results. I have looked at various sources online, which suggest that with a good study ethos her grades should not be hugely dissimilar to DD 1's. There, are also a couple of 'rebels' who are friends of hers playing up at school currently, for which the school believe is year 9 blues..

OP posts:
MrsPinkSky · 31/01/2026 00:02

ChangePrivacyQuestion · 30/01/2026 23:59

Stop focusing so much on numbers and start communicating with your daughter. That way you'll know for sure what is bothering her, instead of guessing on an online forum. You're raising a human, not a set of numbers you can boast about to anyone who will listen. What does she want? Is it realistic? How can you guide her without pushing her away?

Perfectly put 👏👏

AmplePlayer · 31/01/2026 00:01

Wait - calm down, a Grammar school in Essex must be a super selective, she wouldn't be there unless she had a good chance of getting all 9's, so I suspect DD2 is cracking under the pressure a little bit and suffering from a temporary lack of confidence, she's year 8? take the pressure off and reassure her for now.

AmberSpy · 31/01/2026 00:00

I think it's quite normal for Y9 kids to be a bit unmotivated about GCSEs - they haven't actually started the courses yet so it's hard for them to meaningfully think about what grades they might be aiming for/ have a sense of how they are performing.
I'm also saying this as kindly as possible but do you think you might be putting quite a lot of pressure on her? You seem a bit fixated on IQ (which is not a perfect test of intelligence) and comparisons with her sister. Maybe just chill a bit for now and see how she gets on when she's actually started her GCSEs.

TeenageRooster · 31/01/2026 00:00

Yes, talk to teachers. What are they saying at parents evening?

IQ doesn't really come into it with teenagers. Not even sure how you know what it is!

AlcoholicAntibiotic · 31/01/2026 00:00

IQ is fairly meaningless.

Even with a high IQ she’s not necessarily going to be good at everything. Mine was measured at significantly higher than that and there was no way I was ever going to get more than a 3 in design & technology (mandatory subject for me)

ChangePrivacyQuestion · 30/01/2026 23:59

Stop focusing so much on numbers and start communicating with your daughter. That way you'll know for sure what is bothering her, instead of guessing on an online forum. You're raising a human, not a set of numbers you can boast about to anyone who will listen. What does she want? Is it realistic? How can you guide her without pushing her away?

PurpleLovecats · 30/01/2026 23:58

Well what do the school predict her?

IQ is a strange way for you to be using your assess ability. For example, I have a high IQ (was a Mensa member, IQ of 152) but got the worst results of all my siblings. My brain just works in strange ways I think!

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