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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so anxious for toddler dance tomorrow!

65 replies

Pariahofthetoddlertroupe · 30/01/2026 20:46

I know I’m probably being unreasonable but I feel awful and I’m hoping someone can talk some sense into me.
DD, age 4, does a Sat morning dance class. She’s been going for a year. For about the past 6 months, me and four other mums have moved past chit chat in class to being a bit closer. We’ve established a routine that after class the 4 of us take the kids to a nearby park, the kids play and we get coffees. Not everyone goes every week, but whenever we’re around, we do. It’s become such a routine we now bring enough snacks for each others kids (just small bits), one of us will shout coffees each time etc. so it’s not anything formal but totally expected, and the kids expect it too.

last Saturday, they were sort of milling around, so I asked if anyone wanted to go. Turns out one of them had organised for the three of them to go to another activity after class. I was stood there like a numpty with a backpack full of snacks for 4 kids. I felt so embarrassed. Poor DD kept trying to follow their kids and I had to gently guide her away.

just for context, dd isn’t at a pushy or mean phase, she plays really nicely alongside the other girls. I’m polite and friendly. I KNOW they are completely entitled to decide they want a smaller group but it feels awful. I’m catstrophising - we’re relatively close to each others homes so DD is likely end up at primary with them as well. So close that we used to drop in for things (spare craft supplies for nursery, or do you have a blender, those sorts of little things). I genuinely can’t think what I’ve done, other than the others are just a little bit more similar in background than me. I am dreading class tomorrow. What if they head off just the three of them, or even worse if they expect to go back?

OP posts:
Bluemin · 30/01/2026 21:18

That's mean. You're entitled to feel a bit shit about it but remember that they're the shots not you 😊

Interestingly, I had something similar to this happen when my kids were toddlers (they're teens now) - people i thought were friends organising to have coffee every week after a toddler music class without me, and talking about it in front of me! Met up with one of them at a dinner party recently and she actually apologised to me and said she felt really bad at how they had left me out and been so rude. She didn't say why they had done it and I was so shocked I didn't know what to say.

Sorry not sure if that is helpful but just wanted you to know you're not the only one it's happened to and ultimately this is about them, not you. Hold your head high.

Shedeboodinia · 30/01/2026 21:12

Maybe someone else, another person who you don't know but knows them arranged the meeting?
Or do they know each other outside this group at another class?
It seems well that they would deliberately make a plan and deliberately not tell you.
I hate stuff like this, I find it really difficult to navigate mum friendships where you have onky met through your kids as the dynamics can be really weird.

DisappearingGirl · 30/01/2026 21:02

That's just so mean. I'm not going to make excuses for them.

There was another thread a few weeks/months ago with exactly the same thing - mums and small kids going to park or cafe after a group, then the OP suddenly not invited and not sure how to explain to small child who expects to go and play with their friends as usual.

So mean.

Pariahofthetoddlertroupe · 30/01/2026 21:02

Lifestooshort71 · 30/01/2026 21:00

Without going into details, would there have been a practical reason that your illness would have made the new park impractical for you? I'm clutching at straws here as I think they've been incredibly mean!

No nothing! It’s basically something that needs treatment from time to time but doesn’t impact daily life. I’ve never asked any of them for help with it/ with DD etc, I really do try and keep it separate but might mention if we miss a week or two.

OP posts:
Lifestooshort71 · 30/01/2026 21:00

Pariahofthetoddlertroupe · 30/01/2026 20:53

It was just a slightly further park/ playground, I would have happily joined if I was invited. I think I feel a bit insecure as I have a slightly tougher life than them (illness). I am really really conscious to never complain or be a Debbie downer but it is obviously evident. If they ask, I’ll answer really briefly but then move the conversation on . I’m worried they think I’m bringing down the vibe or something.

Without going into details, would there have been a practical reason that your illness would have made the new park impractical for you? I'm clutching at straws here as I think they've been incredibly mean!

Pariahofthetoddlertroupe · 30/01/2026 20:59

NuffSaidSam · 30/01/2026 20:56

That's really rough OP and a really nasty thing for them to have done. I don't know how is best to approach it. I'd be tempted to call them out, but that's almost certainly a bad idea. I wonder if they all knew you weren't invited or if it was just the organiser that left you out.

I couldn’t really tell. They’re not mean people either, I don’t really know why. They were still talking with me as we walked out so I don’t think I’ve done something which has offended anyone. I think I just have to accept I’ve been tried out as a friend and found wanting.

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 30/01/2026 20:58

It's hard but I just let it go especially as they probably be at the same school. Just have something you have to go to after the park visit. Be polite friendly but act like it doesn't matter...it won't in time it just hurts now and it's cruel of them.

Christmassparkletree · 30/01/2026 20:57

That’s awful sorry if it’s any consolation I’d feel exactly the same as you.

NuffSaidSam · 30/01/2026 20:56

That's really rough OP and a really nasty thing for them to have done. I don't know how is best to approach it. I'd be tempted to call them out, but that's almost certainly a bad idea. I wonder if they all knew you weren't invited or if it was just the organiser that left you out.

AliceAbsolum · 30/01/2026 20:54

So mean of them! I'm sorry. Must feel really shit.

Pariahofthetoddlertroupe · 30/01/2026 20:53

MerryGuide · 30/01/2026 20:51

Gah I'd hate that, you must feel blindsided. What was the other activity, any chance it's something they've shared an interest in previously?

It was just a slightly further park/ playground, I would have happily joined if I was invited. I think I feel a bit insecure as I have a slightly tougher life than them (illness). I am really really conscious to never complain or be a Debbie downer but it is obviously evident. If they ask, I’ll answer really briefly but then move the conversation on . I’m worried they think I’m bringing down the vibe or something.

OP posts:
MerryGuide · 30/01/2026 20:51

Gah I'd hate that, you must feel blindsided. What was the other activity, any chance it's something they've shared an interest in previously?

TreeByLeaf · 30/01/2026 20:50

So I would pretend to be totally relaxed and all “how was the activity you all did last week? Are you going again? Would love to join you …”

Elsbetka · 30/01/2026 20:49

Please try not to worry about it. This happens all the time when you have small children - these relationships come and go with very little rationale, sometimes. I'd put money on it bit being something that you've done or not done - it's just the way of the world. They may see each other at other activities/have other affiliations etc - it's just one of those things.

Pariahofthetoddlertroupe · 30/01/2026 20:47

Sorry, three other mums so four of us in total.

OP posts:
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