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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so anxious for toddler dance tomorrow!

65 replies

Pariahofthetoddlertroupe · 30/01/2026 20:46

I know I’m probably being unreasonable but I feel awful and I’m hoping someone can talk some sense into me.
DD, age 4, does a Sat morning dance class. She’s been going for a year. For about the past 6 months, me and four other mums have moved past chit chat in class to being a bit closer. We’ve established a routine that after class the 4 of us take the kids to a nearby park, the kids play and we get coffees. Not everyone goes every week, but whenever we’re around, we do. It’s become such a routine we now bring enough snacks for each others kids (just small bits), one of us will shout coffees each time etc. so it’s not anything formal but totally expected, and the kids expect it too.

last Saturday, they were sort of milling around, so I asked if anyone wanted to go. Turns out one of them had organised for the three of them to go to another activity after class. I was stood there like a numpty with a backpack full of snacks for 4 kids. I felt so embarrassed. Poor DD kept trying to follow their kids and I had to gently guide her away.

just for context, dd isn’t at a pushy or mean phase, she plays really nicely alongside the other girls. I’m polite and friendly. I KNOW they are completely entitled to decide they want a smaller group but it feels awful. I’m catstrophising - we’re relatively close to each others homes so DD is likely end up at primary with them as well. So close that we used to drop in for things (spare craft supplies for nursery, or do you have a blender, those sorts of little things). I genuinely can’t think what I’ve done, other than the others are just a little bit more similar in background than me. I am dreading class tomorrow. What if they head off just the three of them, or even worse if they expect to go back?

OP posts:
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StrangerThingsHappenRoundTheTwist · 02/02/2026 21:16

So how did it go?

PennyPugwash · 02/02/2026 21:07

Come on, OP. Don’t leave us hanging!!

Lifestooshort71 · 02/02/2026 10:58

@Pariahofthetoddlertroupe
Any chance of an update for those of us who became invested in your situation??

Lifestooshort71 · 01/02/2026 20:24

I thought the OP might have been back to update us.....

Thepossibility · 31/01/2026 22:17

Could they possibly think you are quite attached to going to the same park all the time (and doing the same thing every week) and would not be keen on a change? So they awkwardly tried to change the location without a fuss? Causing a miscommunication.
I would ask them how the park was and say that you and DD must try it some time. Let them know that you are open to other places. I hope it's something innocent like that.
Did they actually say you couldn't go with them last time? Maybe they were telling you their plan expecting you to simply join them if you were free to do so. It was just a different park, it's not like you need tickets or anything. Also a miscommunication.
I think you need to have a chat to sort things out, you can't really guess what is happening in other people's minds.

NinaGeiger · 31/01/2026 20:31

How was it? Hope it was ok

Skybunnee · 31/01/2026 20:30

3 is not a great number for a friendship group-so it might not stay like this.

holdtheline11 · 31/01/2026 20:28

They might have organised it when you weren't there and just forgot to invite you. I would move forward assuming that and see what happens.

KilkennyCats · 31/01/2026 20:25

Pariahofthetoddlertroupe · 30/01/2026 20:53

It was just a slightly further park/ playground, I would have happily joined if I was invited. I think I feel a bit insecure as I have a slightly tougher life than them (illness). I am really really conscious to never complain or be a Debbie downer but it is obviously evident. If they ask, I’ll answer really briefly but then move the conversation on . I’m worried they think I’m bringing down the vibe or something.

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Did they actually make it clear that you weren’t invited?

MerryGuide · 31/01/2026 20:22

Hope it went ok today, was thinking about you at my own kids activities today

Travelfairy · 31/01/2026 14:34

That sounds like mean girl behaviour. You could just head over to the same park after dance tomorrow saying oh we are heading there too, DD excited to see a new park.....watch them squirm!!!

CountFucula · 31/01/2026 14:23

Do you want to still be mates with people like that? They sound fucking horrible and you sound lovely.
Are there any other mums / dads and kids at the class you can ask to join you - it would be good to model inclusion to these bitches.

stickydough · 31/01/2026 14:17

How did it go today? I hope you and DD have had a nice morning in the end.

JMSA · 31/01/2026 14:10

Oh no OP, my heart really went out to you and your child reading that. It can’t have felt nice at all 😢
I know they’re entitled to make other plans but that doesn’t stop it bloody hurting. Sorry OP.

PennyPugwash · 31/01/2026 14:09

So mean. I hate shit like this. How did today go? Did you all head to the park after?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 31/01/2026 13:37

I hope it was a miscommunication of some sort. Some people have to make a claim in a group and exclude others who they don’t want. Hopefully this is not the case.
You sound lovely, I’d ask them if you’ve done something to offend them, if it happens again this week.

Soonenough · 31/01/2026 13:32

It is so disappointing that grown women treat each other like this. I had this happen and it really really hurts . There is no need for it as it's just a trip to a fucking park not asking anyone to move in with you . At the same time we are telling our kids to Be Kind . I absolutely hate people that do this and even to other people. It makes me think of them in a different way . And then I realise that I don't want to be friends with those kind of people.
Fuck em OP

DisappearingGirl · 31/01/2026 13:18

Also don't worry about the school thing. Yes they may end up there so it's a good idea not to fall out with them.

But there will be loads of other kids and parents there, many of whom will be nice.

Also mums like this are fickle. If your kid happens to end up friends with theirs at school, or there's a convenient playdate in it for them, they'll probably have forgotten all about their mean girl behaviour at toddler class.

I would try and minimise their importance in your life. If they invite you to the park and your DD would enjoy it then go if you want. If they don't, just be friendly but distant and practice saying "fuck you then" in your head! It's a them issue not a you issue, some people just enjoy being cliquey.

Driftingawaynow · 30/01/2026 23:52

Pariahofthetoddlertroupe · 30/01/2026 21:27

I’m sorry you’re facing health issues, from your reply it sounds like you’re facing your illness with grace and strength. Hope you’re surrounded by your true tribe

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Thank you, and I am at last yes! We shouldn’t settle imo, that’s what I’ve learned. If people
are shitbags to you just cut them loose

canuckup · 30/01/2026 23:48

I wouldn't ask them a single question about it next week.

I'd just breeze up and see how the land lies.

You could also let slip (lie) that you had something else planned last week - not sure how best to handle it really.

I can guarantee that one of the three enjoyed the fact that you were not invited

canuckup · 30/01/2026 23:46

It's incredibly shit of them basically

There's only four of you, it should just be the more the merrier

Oh Susan can't join this week, no worries, see you next time kind of affair

parthyphibday · 30/01/2026 23:45

so I’d be gutted by this, however…objectively, if I understood right, they didn’t go to the park (your usual plan?) without you? They went to a different pre booked activity?

could it have just been that one of the weeks you weren’t there they booked on spur of moment?

PullTheBricksDown · 30/01/2026 23:26

Pariahofthetoddlertroupe · 30/01/2026 21:32

Yeah that’s it. I think I’m taking it so hard because I might have built it up in my head, I was thinking aren’t I lucky I’ve made 3 friends AND our kids get along, this is the jackpot but maybe they were thinking this is a random mum from dance class, but not a friend.

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But the collective park trip doesn't require you to be best friends forever. Just being 'dance mum friend' is fine. You weren't expecting anything other than your standard routine. They've been unkind in doing this and I'm sorry.

Less is more and silence can be powerful. I'd ask them 'how was <the activity>?' wait to hear the answer and just nod or say 'OK'. Resist the urge to make it all right for them or say you were busy. Let them figure out what to do now.

Lavender14 · 30/01/2026 23:16

You mentioned that not everyone goes every week? Have you been going consistently and have you been there in the last 2 or 3 weeks? Do you have each others numbers to text each other?

I think if you've not been there and they've just arranged it in passing then fair enough not to mention it - people can be forgetful when life is busy and they're sleep deprived. But I do think they should have invited you at the time when you were stood there like a lemon. That was just rude.

I think you need to step back from this and think if these are people you actually want to invest in as friends or not rather than focusing on what you're feeling right now as a rejection.

If the answer to that is yes you do want to, then I agree with the pp who said to ask them about it the next time you see them and be up front that you'd love to join if they're going again and keep it light. If they include you great if they don't then I think you have your answer that they are not your people and are pretty rude.

If the answer is that you don't really want to invest in them then I'd look around at the other parents and maybe try to speak to some you haven't connected much with before and spread the net wider so to speak.

I do think parent friends are hard to make because really you're only friendly because you happen to be at the same place at the same time consistently through your kids as opposed to because you have shared interests/ hobbies/ values. So things can disintegrate quickly when the surface is scratched and you realise you are different people - some are better at accepting and being OK with that than others because those friendships take much more work.

So I agree that this is nothing to take personally although I completely get why it feels so crap and I'd have felt the same. That's a totally human response.

Moveoverdarlin · 30/01/2026 23:05

Go with your head held high. It’s really mean, I hate shit like this. I wouldn’t make up alternate plans or ask them how it was. When the dance club is finishing and you’re making moves to go to the park, I would just own it and say ‘Are you all off to your new park today?’ If they say yes I would say ‘Ok cool, are we jacking in the usual coffee routine from now on then? Only I brought the snacks last week and again today and I won’t bother in future’. If they say no let’s stick to the usual I would go as usual and forget about it. But I would be tempted to say ‘well it was quite awkward for me last week as Emily didn’t know why we didn’t hang out at our usual park’.