Page 2 | If your partner goes away for a jolly…

ticketwoes · 2026-01-30T19:08:45+00:00

Do they step up at home a bit more in the few days before they go? kids are involved. Away with friends for a week. step up as in offer a bit more alone time, do the odd school run to save you having to. That kind of thing. AIBU to think that they should??

Original poster

ticketwoes · 30/01/2026 19:57

Daisypod · 30/01/2026 19:49

Yes I would, although Dh and I are pretty equal partners when one goes away they try to make that time as easy as possible for the one left at home.
so if I go away I’ve sorted clothes for the kids, made sure there’s plenty of food in etc. Not because he is incapable but because it makes life easier when I’m off having child free time. When he’s going away (as he will be next week) he will spend extra time taking the kids out (especially the autistic 5 year old) so that I’ve had some time to myself before being the only parent as the five year old is quite a lot of work, adorable but full on!

Yes, this is the kind of thing I mean.
nothing huge, just picking up a bit more slack before they go, almost in acknowledgement that the parent at home will be picking up their slack whilst they are away.
I’m very much a ‘oh, don’t forget I’m out for the day on Sunday so if you want some time to yourself we have no plans on Saturday, so go for it’ partner, and I’m not getting the same back which upsets me.

OP posts:

Icanttakethisanymore · 30/01/2026 19:56

If either of us goes away, we definitely try and give the other one a bit of a break when we get back. Get up with the kids in the morning, take both of then out to give the other one some time alone or to do something they want to do our kids are young though (2 & 4) so it’s pretty full on looking after both of them on your own.

sundayvibeswig22 · 30/01/2026 19:50

My dh used to work away in two week stints to the middle east. He would do extra taxiing to dc clubs in the evenings the week before, clear the washing basket and give the house a really big clean. We’ve always been 50:50 but he’d do 75% the week before so I had some free evenings. We have both worked ft though with a dc and a dog. If I worked pt, had school aged dc then I wouldn’t have expected him to do more.

Daisypod · 30/01/2026 19:49

Yes I would, although Dh and I are pretty equal partners when one goes away they try to make that time as easy as possible for the one left at home.
so if I go away I’ve sorted clothes for the kids, made sure there’s plenty of food in etc. Not because he is incapable but because it makes life easier when I’m off having child free time. When he’s going away (as he will be next week) he will spend extra time taking the kids out (especially the autistic 5 year old) so that I’ve had some time to myself before being the only parent as the five year old is quite a lot of work, adorable but full on!

CurlewKate · 30/01/2026 19:48

He didn’t need to step up. But he always used to take the kids for a treat before he went.

Original poster

ticketwoes · 30/01/2026 19:45

Diamondsareagirlsbestfrien · 30/01/2026 19:40

Book yourself a spa night for yourself or a hotel trip. Get some wine read and book and relax. You don’t need friends to have some space.

Go to the gym, go to the cinema alone, take a walk etc

Show quote history

Oh I do things like cinema, gym and walks etc, I just mean full on complete disconnect from all responsibility like a full week away.

OP posts:

Diamondsareagirlsbestfrien · 30/01/2026 19:40

ticketwoes · 30/01/2026 19:32

Hmmm. I wouldn’t say we are ‘equal’ as I do more things around the house/kids related because I work part time, but he works long hours to afford us the ability for me to do that. So, same team different positions.
I also don’t go away as much/at all really without him but that’s down to my friendship group not being in the position to, rather than anything related to my relationship.

Book yourself a spa night for yourself or a hotel trip. Get some wine read and book and relax. You don’t need friends to have some space.

Go to the gym, go to the cinema alone, take a walk etc

Diamondsareagirlsbestfrien · 30/01/2026 19:39

No because we do 50-50 of the parenting when we’re at home together.

But I would expect DH to also be fine with me going away with my friends as well once every so often.

It works both ways imo. DH has alone “childfree” time but I do too. We both parent equally.

Daytimenighttime · 30/01/2026 19:36

ticketwoes · 30/01/2026 19:32

Hmmm. I wouldn’t say we are ‘equal’ as I do more things around the house/kids related because I work part time, but he works long hours to afford us the ability for me to do that. So, same team different positions.
I also don’t go away as much/at all really without him but that’s down to my friendship group not being in the position to, rather than anything related to my relationship.

Doesn't sound very equal if you are the house maid and nanny and he goes off with his pals to enjoy himself and leaves you to your household tasks.

Original poster

ticketwoes · 30/01/2026 19:32

Hmmm. I wouldn’t say we are ‘equal’ as I do more things around the house/kids related because I work part time, but he works long hours to afford us the ability for me to do that. So, same team different positions.
I also don’t go away as much/at all really without him but that’s down to my friendship group not being in the position to, rather than anything related to my relationship.

OP posts:

Specialagentblond · 30/01/2026 19:24

i think they could if you can communicate why.

so, is there any chance you could do xxxx because I won’t get a chance when you’re away as I’m covering for you.

if they can’t then perhaps find another solution, or if they won’t then you have a problem.

Make sure you plan some time away too, helps prevent the resentment setting in.

MapleOakPine · 30/01/2026 19:21

No, but I also go away without him so it works out ok.

Furlane · 30/01/2026 19:20

Not really as we both do 50/50. We also have the same amount of jollies, but admittedly I have had a lot more recently! We’ve only done long weekends though as we don’t have enough holiday for a whole week off independently.

KarenWheeler · 30/01/2026 19:16

In an equal relationship they wouldn’t need to step up more before they go because they’d already be doing their fair share. My kids are adults now, but when they were younger there was never a need for either one of us to step up more before going on a jolly because both parenting and household duties were equally our responsibility.

Motheranddaughter · 30/01/2026 19:16

If everything is normally split equally then it surely would be difficult for one party to take on more
I would expect a large bottle of Chanel from Duty free and a girls jolly