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Original poster

Am I unreasonable for being offended

157 replies

Lola9212 · 30/01/2026 18:16

I am pregnant with my third baby and already have two kind and curious boys. We recently found out I am having a third boy and we are truly excited and delighted. I hadn’t told anyone the gender and asked for final guesses through sharing a black and white photo and scan to my close family. My mother sent me this message:

‘Been out with the girls for dinner, pretty hard to guess from this unisex outfit in black and white. Would love it to be a girl as having daughters I’ve found (most of the time 😂) pretty special but you have beautiful babies and as long as healthy we will be grateful and no matter what will be well loved. 🥰 But would love to know….’

This message hit me a bit for a few reasons. I have a brother (so found it mildly offensive to him), I have two beautiful boys already who are the light of life and my third baby boy on the way. I feel like she should have kept her preferences to herself and I feel defensive of all the boys in my life. Especially because she would have known there was at least 50 percent chance I’m having another boy and it almost feels like she took the moment away by making it clear that in her view a boy is less special. Am I overreacting? She knows we’re having a boy now (we did the reveal in a group chat) and I haven’t acknowledged her message. Any suggestions on how to take this forward?

OP posts:
SemiSober · 30/01/2026 18:24

Lola9212 · 30/01/2026 18:16

I am pregnant with my third baby and already have two kind and curious boys. We recently found out I am having a third boy and we are truly excited and delighted. I hadn’t told anyone the gender and asked for final guesses through sharing a black and white photo and scan to my close family. My mother sent me this message:

‘Been out with the girls for dinner, pretty hard to guess from this unisex outfit in black and white. Would love it to be a girl as having daughters I’ve found (most of the time 😂) pretty special but you have beautiful babies and as long as healthy we will be grateful and no matter what will be well loved. 🥰 But would love to know….’

This message hit me a bit for a few reasons. I have a brother (so found it mildly offensive to him), I have two beautiful boys already who are the light of life and my third baby boy on the way. I feel like she should have kept her preferences to herself and I feel defensive of all the boys in my life. Especially because she would have known there was at least 50 percent chance I’m having another boy and it almost feels like she took the moment away by making it clear that in her view a boy is less special. Am I overreacting? She knows we’re having a boy now (we did the reveal in a group chat) and I haven’t acknowledged her message. Any suggestions on how to take this forward?

I’d say you’re easily offended and I doubt anyone cares to ‘guess the gender’ on your third - you made it a talking point by asking people

Sirzy · 30/01/2026 18:24

Don’t ask for guesses if you don’t want people’s opinions.

JournalistEmily · 30/01/2026 18:23

She was being nice. That’s all

Arlanymor · 30/01/2026 18:23

You asked her to guess and she did - you made this situation. She has enjoyed being a mother of girls and is just wishing the same for you - it's not saying anything negative about your existing boys or your brother. She also called your boys beautiful and said that your baby will be well-loved no matter what. Kindly I think you are really overreacting and you don't need any suggestions to 'take this forward' - you need to stop overthinking and reply kindly to your mother who hasn't said or done anything wrong.

Stompythedinosaur · 30/01/2026 18:21

I think she was trying to say something nice to you rather than put your brother down. Are you maybe reading more into it because you're anticipating people having comments to say about your lovely dc?

I used to get the rage about people asking if we'd try again to have a boy after I'd had my two dds, but I can see now they weren't criticising my dds

TimeForTeaAndG · 30/01/2026 18:20

Yes, I'd say you are unreasonable. You asked for guesses which invites comments. I don't think what your mum said was out of line or offensive, just her opinion. And she said that whatever you're having will be loved.

You should probably just have put the pic and a "it's a boy" or not told anyone you had found out the sex.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 30/01/2026 18:18

You asked for guesses though. She could have kept her opinion to herself but I don't think her message was that bad. I would agree that for the majority of cases having a daughter as a mum is a very different relationship than a son, no less special, but maybe she was hoping you would get to experience both.

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