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AIBU?

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Am I unreasonable for being offended

157 replies

Lola9212 · 30/01/2026 18:16

I am pregnant with my third baby and already have two kind and curious boys. We recently found out I am having a third boy and we are truly excited and delighted. I hadn’t told anyone the gender and asked for final guesses through sharing a black and white photo and scan to my close family. My mother sent me this message:

‘Been out with the girls for dinner, pretty hard to guess from this unisex outfit in black and white. Would love it to be a girl as having daughters I’ve found (most of the time 😂) pretty special but you have beautiful babies and as long as healthy we will be grateful and no matter what will be well loved. 🥰 But would love to know….’

This message hit me a bit for a few reasons. I have a brother (so found it mildly offensive to him), I have two beautiful boys already who are the light of life and my third baby boy on the way. I feel like she should have kept her preferences to herself and I feel defensive of all the boys in my life. Especially because she would have known there was at least 50 percent chance I’m having another boy and it almost feels like she took the moment away by making it clear that in her view a boy is less special. Am I overreacting? She knows we’re having a boy now (we did the reveal in a group chat) and I haven’t acknowledged her message. Any suggestions on how to take this forward?

OP posts:
HawthornFairy · 30/01/2026 20:08

I feel the message was lovely. I wouldn’t have taken offence for my brother if my mother had sent it to me.

For what it’s worth - I have six children and have never asked anyone for guesses. I have 5 of one sex and 1 of the other (no we didn’t keep trying for that 1, was in the middle.) some people can be rude and weird around gender/gender stereotypes etc but I really don’t see that in your mother’s comments. Don’t look for drama when there isn’t any, just be grateful you have a loving Mum who clearly loves her grandchildren.

diddl · 30/01/2026 20:05

I don't think it's a bad message.

But Op was only asking for guesses!

SlashBeef · 30/01/2026 20:05

Yabvu you literally asked for people to play the dumb game. Her message was nice. Don't asked people to get involved if you're one of the professionally offended.

HeddaGarbled · 30/01/2026 20:04

Poor bloody woman! That is the sweetest, most diplomatic message ever and yet you’ve still managed to take offence.

A mother’s place is in the wrong.

GrillaMilla · 30/01/2026 20:02

Katemax82 · 30/01/2026 19:58

Not as bad as my stepdad upon hearing I'm having a 3rd done "when will you know if he's autistic?" Was literally the first thing he said. Cock

I remember when me and DH called round and told MIL we expecting our first baby she said 'And are you happy about it?'

Well yeah, look at our faces..devastated 🙄

TwentyFourHoursToTulsa · 30/01/2026 20:00

harriethoyle · 30/01/2026 19:51

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. God help anyone trying to compliment you in the future.

I was coming to say this.

And it's sex, not gender.

user405927 · 30/01/2026 19:59

She sounds lovely, your mother.

Katemax82 · 30/01/2026 19:59

Ps having had 1 girl and 3 boys is happily have more sons

Katemax82 · 30/01/2026 19:58

Not as bad as my stepdad upon hearing I'm having a 3rd done "when will you know if he's autistic?" Was literally the first thing he said. Cock

Allswellthatendswelll · 30/01/2026 19:57

I think because you made a big deal of the reveal she maybe guessed/assumed it was a girl. Not because girls are better just that it would more of a novelty to have a different gender. But she's obviously tried to cover all bases!

LoveAndTea · 30/01/2026 19:57

I think you are overthinking the message. It could be taken as offensive but she was giving the you the opinion you asked for.

pteromum · 30/01/2026 19:54

olympicsrock · 30/01/2026 18:28

She is saying you are a wonderful daughter ( so a girl would be good) and equally you make beautiful boys ( so a boy would be good) .

This.

Namingbaba · 30/01/2026 19:54

I’m on the fence. As someone pregnant with two boys already I feel people will be more excited if this one is a girl and that sucks as boy number 3 should be special too but it’s just how things are with a lot of people.

Vixenlover · 30/01/2026 19:53

I think you set her up. Why didn’t you just tell people you were having a boy?

GrillaMilla · 30/01/2026 19:53

I don't think she should have told you her preference. And then the baby will be loved no matter what. I should hope it would be!

Agree though that it was always going to be risky asking people to guess.

harriethoyle · 30/01/2026 19:51

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. God help anyone trying to compliment you in the future.

Everydayimhuffling · 30/01/2026 19:40

A)You asked
B) She said that she's enjoyed being mum to a girl as well as a boy. You want to take offence at her saying she's enjoyed being your mum? She knows you already have boys.

BoarBrush · 30/01/2026 19:36

It's a nice message, she clearly loves being your mum.

FreebieWallopFridge · 30/01/2026 19:36

Of course you’re being unreasonable. You asked for guesses!
Your poor mother.

Ponderingpondering · 30/01/2026 19:34

I think she’s telling you she loves you? She’s loved having a daughter not that she’s disappointed?

DisforDarkChocolate · 30/01/2026 19:31

I thought that was a lovely message from your Mum. She loves having you as a daughter.

DurinsBane · 30/01/2026 19:31

She said having girls is special. She didn’t say having boys is any less special. She probably just mentioned it about girls because you already have boys, who are already special to you and her.

NewsOfMidLevelPortent · 30/01/2026 19:30

I agree with those who have said that you shouldn't have asked people to guess if you are sensitive on the subject. Short of answering with simply 'boy' or 'girl', it's difficult to say anything that might not be construed as a preference for one or the other.

StrawberryJamAndRaspberryPie · 30/01/2026 19:28

CoffeePleaseBlack · 30/01/2026 19:27

I think your secretly bothered it’s another boy. Sorry to say.

I don’t think it’s very secret is it?

StrawberryJamAndRaspberryPie · 30/01/2026 19:28

OP that’s a really nice message. She’s literally saying ‘I would love you to experience the joy I had parenting you, my daughter, but do not mind what the sex is as I love your babies’.

Maybe don’t ask for guesses if you don’t like listening to anything anyone else has to say. You sound like hard work and terminally offended.

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