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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I unreasonable for being offended

157 replies

Lola9212 · 30/01/2026 18:16

I am pregnant with my third baby and already have two kind and curious boys. We recently found out I am having a third boy and we are truly excited and delighted. I hadn’t told anyone the gender and asked for final guesses through sharing a black and white photo and scan to my close family. My mother sent me this message:

‘Been out with the girls for dinner, pretty hard to guess from this unisex outfit in black and white. Would love it to be a girl as having daughters I’ve found (most of the time 😂) pretty special but you have beautiful babies and as long as healthy we will be grateful and no matter what will be well loved. 🥰 But would love to know….’

This message hit me a bit for a few reasons. I have a brother (so found it mildly offensive to him), I have two beautiful boys already who are the light of life and my third baby boy on the way. I feel like she should have kept her preferences to herself and I feel defensive of all the boys in my life. Especially because she would have known there was at least 50 percent chance I’m having another boy and it almost feels like she took the moment away by making it clear that in her view a boy is less special. Am I overreacting? She knows we’re having a boy now (we did the reveal in a group chat) and I haven’t acknowledged her message. Any suggestions on how to take this forward?

OP posts:
BlackCatDiscoClub · 31/01/2026 03:41

Lola9212 · 30/01/2026 18:16

I am pregnant with my third baby and already have two kind and curious boys. We recently found out I am having a third boy and we are truly excited and delighted. I hadn’t told anyone the gender and asked for final guesses through sharing a black and white photo and scan to my close family. My mother sent me this message:

‘Been out with the girls for dinner, pretty hard to guess from this unisex outfit in black and white. Would love it to be a girl as having daughters I’ve found (most of the time 😂) pretty special but you have beautiful babies and as long as healthy we will be grateful and no matter what will be well loved. 🥰 But would love to know….’

This message hit me a bit for a few reasons. I have a brother (so found it mildly offensive to him), I have two beautiful boys already who are the light of life and my third baby boy on the way. I feel like she should have kept her preferences to herself and I feel defensive of all the boys in my life. Especially because she would have known there was at least 50 percent chance I’m having another boy and it almost feels like she took the moment away by making it clear that in her view a boy is less special. Am I overreacting? She knows we’re having a boy now (we did the reveal in a group chat) and I haven’t acknowledged her message. Any suggestions on how to take this forward?

Your poor mum! You asked here the question, and shes bent over backwards to give the most kind response she could that tells you she'll love them no matter what and loves your sons too. I don't think she could have said it any differently!

VoltaireMittyDream · 31/01/2026 03:11

I suspect we’re all too late and OP’s poor mum has got it in the neck 😕

JustGiveMeReason · 30/01/2026 22:41

Arlanymor · 30/01/2026 18:23

You asked her to guess and she did - you made this situation. She has enjoyed being a mother of girls and is just wishing the same for you - it's not saying anything negative about your existing boys or your brother. She also called your boys beautiful and said that your baby will be well-loved no matter what. Kindly I think you are really overreacting and you don't need any suggestions to 'take this forward' - you need to stop overthinking and reply kindly to your mother who hasn't said or done anything wrong.

This.

I agree with the 95% in the poll.

YABU.

brunettemic · 30/01/2026 22:17

Ah, mumsnet…you never disappoint me. What a ridiculous thing to get upset about 😂😂😂

UnhappyHobbit · 30/01/2026 22:16

I think you’re reading it wrong. Goodness, you have a mum saying how she loves having you as daughter. Believe me, you’re lucky!

crowsfleet · 30/01/2026 21:50

i think she was mostly complimenting you as her female child she has a special relationship with 🤷‍♀️ congrats on your three lovely little lads!!

pteromum · 30/01/2026 21:45

NotnowMildrid · 30/01/2026 20:40

YANBU
I think she was tactless.

Can you explain why?

it was surely a damned if you do damned if you don’t question.

I think it’s a lovely reply, praising mum, and grandsons.

Just be interesting to see what was so wrong.

Crocadoodledoo · 30/01/2026 21:28

Northerngirl821 · 30/01/2026 20:55

I think you are projecting your own disappointment onto her.

Exactly this!

Northerngirl821 · 30/01/2026 20:55

I think you are projecting your own disappointment onto her.

PatsFishTank · 30/01/2026 20:49

YABU and overreacting. Why invite guesses at all? Surely no one cares what sex a baby is other than the parents?

sharkstale · 30/01/2026 20:42

YABU. I think that was a lovely message.

NotnowMildrid · 30/01/2026 20:40

YANBU
I think she was tactless.

Pinkissmart · 30/01/2026 20:40

Omg.
she used this as an opportunity to say how wonderful it is being a mother to a girl. You.

And you’ve chosen to be offended.
I can’t .
🤦‍♀️

Fairyliz · 30/01/2026 20:38

Im another one who read the message as being a comment on her relationship with you, i.e it’s wonderful being your mother.
She was trying to be nice op, don’t get offended with her and look for insults when none are intended.

kiwiane · 30/01/2026 20:38

You brought on the drama - why bother if you’re so easily offended? Just be open with people and enjoy your third baby.

m00rfarm · 30/01/2026 20:37

Oh wow - she wrote the most amazing message and you are upset. yes - you are being unreasonable.

springyla · 30/01/2026 20:35

I think your mum was trying to say how much she loves having you as a daughter! It’s a lovely message, kind and warm and full of love.

Hotpants123 · 30/01/2026 20:33

She is saying
If you have two boys and a girl that is perfect
If you have 3 boys that is perfect
If you have 3 girls that is perfect
Please chill, she is wishing for you to have a healthy happy child.

GrannyGoggles · 30/01/2026 20:32

Am I being dim? You knew you’re having a third boy - congratulations, how lovely - you asked your mum to guess. She guessed wrong and she’s a bitch. I don’t understand

MerryGuide · 30/01/2026 20:32

That's a lovely message, she loves you!

Jackiepumpkinhead · 30/01/2026 20:27

I think you’re projecting!

OpheliaHamlet · 30/01/2026 20:26

Don’t ask questions that you don’t want the answers to.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/01/2026 20:13

I think she just meant "girls are lovely and I'd like you to experience that". If your nro had two girls she'd likely say the same about boys

Judging · 30/01/2026 20:13

I think it’s a perfectly nice message.

Blame your hormones for being over sensitive.

MrsBelindaMay · 30/01/2026 20:10

You already knew that you were having a third boy when you messaged your mum. If you hadn't, you would probably had agreed with her.

I have children of both sexes, and yes, having a girl is special. So is having a boy. They are just different experiences and all children are loved exactly the same.