Friends comments about our lifestyle, house and inheritance

This. I'd give up my inheritance 10 times over of I get my lovely Mum back.

On the inheritance thing, Dh and I aren’t likely to be getting much in the way of inheritance and thats absolutely fine. But DD is, I’m going to die either way and I do happen to think she’s lucky we’ll have something to leave her, she’s done nothing to earn it but she just happened to have parents who are able to do that. That is the luck of the draw.

I do think though a lot of stuff people do is within their control. Life isn’t fair but people do sometimes make choices that make their own lives harder (having 4 kids with someone who is useless is one of those choices, it’s fine if your kids are worth it to you but do it consciously and own it). Done stupid things myself so I’m not judging, it is what it is.

Tell her the harder you work the luckier you get. Your friend is jealous and insensitive. Its not your fault she chose a deadleg husband and had kids she couldn't afford. She has plenty of things to be grateful for. Tell her what you've posted. If she's a true friend she'll understand why you're upset.

This! 😂

"Many people go through all that and don't have an inheritance that allows them to have a very nice house and holidays. You are lucky to have that. Many, many don't, and still have the same heartache."

One reason for not receiving an inheritance is because the parents were elderly and had to pay to live in a nursing home so they had very little money left. But most people don't lose their mother when they are young. It is tragic and incredibly sad that her Mom passed away at 51. It is a huge loss to OP and I am sure she does not feel very lucky.

I came from a truly terribel background and made all the right choices. never had any debt except for mortgage, world hard to get my dream career in academia in a subject I was passionate about, never had any substance issues, never drank to excess and never smoked. then I submitted my PhD and went into psychosis from which ive never recovered nine years later. I have plenty of material things but they mean nothign. my mum left me an inheritance and half a share of a property in Italy but my life is nothign with a mental state like this. I enjoynnothing and my beautiful marriage os horrible now. what makes me most angry is that the wring choices I made were working too hard and not looking after my needs and in fact not spending money when I needed to

Laughing emoji is pretty insensitive. I think most people who have lost their mum (if they had a good relationship) would acknowledge that they are fortunate to receive anything, but would trade it in in a heartbeat for their mum still being around.

I would be quietly dropping the rope on this friendship by gradually becoming less and less available. What are you going to do when your friend begins to ask you to "loan" her money which she will never be in a position to repay?

Time for a slow breakup.

Your lives are chalk and cheese.

Just saying, yeah we are lucky. So are you, just in different ways.

Which is true.

• grateful

Tell her this. Funny how the harder you work the luckier you become! She can’t afford her family and should be graceful for what she does have.

Oh OP, you have dealt with huge loss and grief.
Step back from this utter twit.
She's toxic.

This isn’t really fair.

The friend knew her ex had no job and was in the friend’s words ‘lazy and had no goals’. Friend chose, nevertheless, to have four children with him. Good for her for working p/t with 4 kids, but family only ever had one part time wage to support them all.

That wasn’t misfortune, it was a choice. It wasn’t redundancy or a disability caused by accident or illness.

The inheritance is only a part of the OP’s income. The friend, having made her decisions, is carting on about luck being the basis of the OP’s financial comfort. It isn’t luck, it’s (for the most part) different circumstances. Which are 2 f/t incomes (and no children)

And given that the lack of work was not a result of an unexpected job loss etc etc, the friend IS bloody lucky that there is a welfare state to make sure she and her kids have a big enough home and don’t starve!

So how is it ‘benefit bashing’?

Not having sympathy with the envy of a person on benefits is not the same as benefit bashing.

Maybe the better response would be, "I'd give all of this up for another 10 minutes with my mom. She did help make this possible though."

And then every time she brings it up, "yep, mom did us good. Too bad she had to die for us to get here."

Every time.

Oh good, another benefit’s bashing thread. Working people who claim UC due to the low wages in this country do pay taxes btw.

Im sure it’s a piece of cake for your single mother friend juggling part time work and 4 kids with a completely useless ex who doesn’t work and is unlikely to be paying much CMS.

I feel completely comfortable about saying this as someone who only received inheritance because I lost my mum too soon in horrible circumstances. Just be honest and tell your friend that the word ‘lucky’ is triggering for you, and rightly so, because you would have your mother in a heart beat. But bear in mind that, on most other fronts, you are actually very lucky and that your views on your friend’s circumstances are very harsh.

You are lucky to be in a position not to need to claim benefits which, regardless of what the DM says, most people don’t want to need to claim. Your luck might run out one day and one of you might get ill and become unable to work or you might be made redundant. You might need the safety net we all pay for through taxes. Let’s hope others don’t look down their nose at you because of it.

I suggest you don't explain or justify yourself. Keep away from her physically and block all messages. Have enough respect for yourself and rid people like this.

You're in a better financial position than her. No matter how you got it it's true. Lots of people lose parents, it doesn't equal housing stability. Give her a break.

Ask her where she thinks she gets her benefits from. From people like you who have worked hard and paid taxes.
Frankly I wouldn't bother seeing her. You don't enjoy the friendship.

Hi op sorry for your loss I think your friend is so envious that’s she’s not even hearing herself. Op if she says it again or something similar I think you need to remind her a loss of a parent at such a young age is far from lucky and if she thinks this then she she very much mistaken and if anyone is lucky it’s her. Op just remind her she basically has had everything handed to her on a plate and if you were to have four children you definitely would not be entitled to so much help financially so in your eyes you think she’s the lucky one. If your roof caved in you would have to pay for the repairs if her roof caved in she would be rehoused and it all paid for by someone else.

I think I’d be telling this “friend” to fuck off to be honest. Insensitive and jealous.
If this is what she’s saying to your face, what is she saying to other people?

She is jealous, I just had this issue with a friend, constantly making shady comments that I felt I had to justify myself like saying I brought things on credit.

I cut her off do not keep jealous people around you and it’s always the ones who are lazy and don’t want to work. You want nice things you work simple as

Tbh I’d give her a wide berth and concentrate on my lovely new house, a holiday to look forward to and time with my dh. I’d try and distance myself from the friendship. Sounds like she’s waking round with a chip on her shoulder myself.

i lost my mum at 16, I’m now in my 50s. I was left a small inheritance that like you, I did very sensible and practical things with. And for a long time a lot of people have assumed that the money has lasted forever and taken me far in life. It’s far from the truth. I’ve worked bloody hard, as has my dh to get where we are in life. I’ve taken every 15 minutes overtime where a lot of my colleagues couldn’t be bothered, I’ve taken every after school club (I’m a retired teacher) that I could get my hands on to get the money in, whilst my own kids were at home…..exactly where I wanted to be too. We’ve left our cars parked down the street because we couldn’t quite make it home on the petrol. My mil even used to buy us a bit of food every week back in the day. And do you know what, I would have lived on the street to have my mum back and at probably a crucial era of my life. Even now at my age now, I’d give my right arm to have some more time back with her.

dont put up with this “friend “. I mean, sure don’t keep telling her your news and business, dont share the details of your life, sadly not everyone in life is happy for us, but I’d definitely look to distance myself from this. Whilst you’re in the process of dropping her, every time she calls you lucky, just reply aren’t you lucky to still have your mum.

We get comments, live in a nice house, nice cars, I only work part time. However, to get all of that, DH lost both of his parents, his mum in his 20’s, his Dad 20 years later. Our lifestyle is great, but there’s a PIL shaped hole that can never be filled.

Why on earth should the OP have to explain herself to such a degree? She doesn’t have to acknowledge anything of the sort.