Friends comments about our lifestyle, house and inheritance

It can be. But I’ve also seen many times people disregarding their completely unearned fortune of birth - health, parents, wealth, country of birth etc. and putting their success purely down to hard work.

People like to point out the luck of people accessing benefits but not the luck of just happening to be born into a good family at the right place and time. Acknowledging these facts doesn’t take away from their hard work it just shows that the person is realistic and self-aware.

Once you can acknowledge your own advantages in life you’re more likely to have empathy for others who haven’t had such a lucky hand in life.

I would never dream of talking to a friend like this. I would tell her exactly what you've told us on here. If she doesn't reign it in then I'd be absolutely dropping the friendship. But to be honest it's clear what she thinks of you / she is jealous and a bit bitter, especially to keep bringing it up. So I'd be distancing myself regardless.
So sorry about your mum OP.

They are as that is what they have repeatedly voted for. The alternative is less support for single parents meaning many will be forced to stay in unhappy marriages.

Except that working hard at a career and being financially responsible isn't due to luck at all.

Lucky is being born into a society that supports those members who are so under productive, through no physical or mental disabilities, that they require the taxation of others to ensure they are provided for.

Quite frankly, "luck" is often used to mask the jealousy of others.

She chose to have 4 kids ffs. What does she expect? Plus you lost your mum.. aren’t you lucky! I’d snap if she kept on!

Just drop her as a friend now. It is is t going to work out. You are increasingly moving in different circles and it’s only going to get more pronounced as time moves on as you get more more successful and build wealth and her situation stays the same, leading to ever increasing envy.

Why do they sound unhappy??

You can change it to YANBU by simply clicking YANBU instead. I tried it when I made the same mistake -glad I could fix it.

As someone who relatively recently lost my mum at 61 to cancer I totally understand all of your feelings. I haven't got my inheritance yet, and it makes me so sad that the majority of it is from a pension my mum didnt live long enough to receive. After reading this context I'd 100% drop this "friend". Major life changing events show who your real friends are! PS Mcmillan referred me for bereavement counselling at a local hospice which I found helpful so perhaps this is something you may wish to explore

It's not about the benefits, it's about her jealousy and barbed comments. Completely insensitive of her to even mention finances given that you've lost your mum.

This "friend" sounds lazy (only worked part time even when husband wasn't working 🙄), entitled and jealous and quite frankly I'd end the so called friendship.

I earn considerably less than all of my friends (literally 2/3/4 times less) but would never comment on their lifestyle or finances except positive conments eg "love the new kitchen" etc

Sorry I accidentally hit YABU but I meant YANBU!
you obviously would rather have your mum.

Jealousy is an ugly trait and this doesn’t sound like a true friend xx

She sounds tedious. Maybe just ask her to tell you how your much loved mum dying of cancer when she was so young, can be construed as lucky, quite aside from all the hard work and saving you've done over the years.

She is jealous of what you have but not of what it took to get there.

I agree it’s very annoying. My friend always said “The harder I work the luckier I get”

Tell her how you feel and keep it minimal. This is healthier than slow fading. Don’t spend energy wondering why she keeps saying it.

One of the biggest surprises for me growing up was realizing that a huge proportion (I'd argue the vast majority) of adults struggle with envy, and will always be a little bit bitter about what they don't have.

You see it on these threads daily, anyone on over 50k gets told they've nothing in life to complain about. It's a constant race to the bottom.

My own friends do it to each other, anyone that buys a bigger house or car or anything else significant gets a few comments behind their back (NOT from me) about how lucky they are, "god I wish I had that sort of money must be nice" etc. It's exhausting.

I really feel for you as each time she mentions the inheritance and your "luck" it must feel as if she is twisting the knife in and sucking out all the joy of buying your first house.

I understand how the "lucky" comments can be so triggering as I was able to buy a house earlier than my peers as I could not have children. I would have preferred to have a family but I tried to make the best out of the luck I was given.

In my experience, telling her that she is the lucky one (if she still has a parent) or because she is a mother of four children won't make any difference as she jealous and is triggered every time she visits or sees you by the different paths you are on.

If it helps you, try and reframe her comments as yes you are the lucky one to have had such a lovely mum who passed on her common sense and fortitude to you as well as an inheritance.

All the lucky comments I received about being an early homebuyer helped frame my attitude to life. See if it helps to reframe and to think how lucky you are to have had a great mum and how lucky you are to have a friend whose comments reminds you of your mum and what your mum passed on to you; her character and strength.

Agreed, I think this is what she is prepping OP for.

"Four kids are an expensive life choice Jenny"

Are tax payers happy though? It’s unsustainable.

Why does she sound unhappy? She’s right. Having one baby after another with a deadbeat unemployed partner and when you only have a part time job yourself is waster behaviour. The welfare bill is going through the roof due to people like this,

Jimmy Carr has a great analogy. Being successful is like winning the lottery, not everyone who works hard is successful. But to win you do need to pay & hardwork is the price so the harder you work the more likely you are to win. I know your mom passed and of course you’d much prefer her to be around. You are lucky though, you have a house, 2 cars, a partner and good jobs. Acknowledging your luck doesn’t diminish your hardwork.

as for your friend, she’s chose her path. 4 kids with a deadbeat dad isn’t your guilt to hold. You are not responsible for her choices. take away the stick she uses to beat you with & own it, I would say yes I feel lucky but I’d rather have my mom here, yes I’m lucky that all our hardwork paid off. For some it doesn’t. Id say we all make choices in life I’m grateful that mine are paying off. I wouldn’t apologise for being in a better financial place than her and I wouldn’t be made to feel bad about it either.

Honestly, to me, you sound like you’ve got a guilty conscience for working hard and your mum dying and having everything you’ve got.
If you’re looking for permission to sass back to your friend? Have at it.
Say well, she might be more well off if she hadn’t had FOUR CHILDREN. Say maybe she’d be be more well off if she hadn’t chosen to procreate with THAT loser.
Say anything you want - she sure has.
I don’t need to tell you what to say the next time she calls you “lucky,” do I.
She’s gotten so comfortable with your friendship that she feels as though she can say any ol’ thing to you - manners be damned. So say something hurtful in return next time, and then then call her on it: hurts, doesn’t it. You never think before you speak.”

Bring the truth to her attention and maybe she’ll stop.
Maybe she doesn’t realise she’s hurting your feelings, so maybe you should tell her.
Done and done. ❤️

Do you not understand that someone had to die for them to get that inheritance. Fine if they are in their nineties but someone dying at 51 is not lucky.

Be honest with her that you’re finding her comments upsetting. If she’s a good friend she’ll stop.

While you can’t separate the inheritance from losing your mum, she’s likely seeing it as two separate things. Of course losing a parent especially so young isn’t lucky but inheritance is. Everyone will lose their parents but not everyone will get inheritance. For me they are linked but can sit side by side rather than being intertwined.

You can’t have the person back so are left with what’s left - physically (money, possessions, admin, debt) and emotionally (love, memories, trauma, grief) - the good and the bad, and have to make your way forward from there.

Of course your mum would rather be here with you but for when she couldn’t be she planned for you to have this money to hopefully give you a helping hand in life. It sounds like you’ve used the money really well to do that. And with that and your own hard work you’re making a good life for yourself.

Whenever I go, I hope whatever I can leave my kids will make their lives a little easier or bring them some joy. It won’t take away the loss but I can hopefully help them in some way.

She is lucky to have 4 kids, and she is lucky she lives in a country where taxpayers are happy to fund the bill for raising them.