Friends comments about our lifestyle, house and inheritance

You are missing the point.
From my understanding of OP's post, her friend has been working part-time and claiming benefits to make up the shortfall. Being able to work part-time isn't an option for many as their salary wouldn't cover outgoings.
There are people who choose to work part-time and have more children whilst being supported by the state to make up the shortfall.
There are also people who work full time and whose salary doesn't meet the cost of their outgoings and get topped up by the state also.
It's easy to see how people can perceive the system as being unfair.
No one is exempt from a change in circumstances or exempt from needing financial assistance.
OP has every right to celebrate her achievement and the good fortune of her inheritance, not withstanding the enormity of her mum's death.
At the same time, OP's friend is fortunate to be rehoused to a bigger property ( some people aren't) & being able to work part-time whilst having 4 children.
I was a single parent and always worked full time because I felt it was my responsibility so alot comes down to choice

It's not "lucky" to have thse things, unless all are gifted to you. They are the result of hard work, probably starting at school with getting decent qualificatins that allow you to have a career, save for a deposit, and be credit-worthy enough to be granted a loan for a car.
I had a friend like this. She never worked, and her husband had an OK but not very well-paid job. My DH took on extra shifts and I worked part time eveings and weekends to make enough money to move from our HA flat and get our mortgage. Every time I bought ANYTHING - new top, something for the kids, whatever - she told me how lucky I/they were. NOT LUCK! I flamin' well worked for this!!!!

She’s jealous and unhappy, trying to make herself feel better by dragging you down.

Pity her rather than dragging her down in return. You’ve quite rightly avoided lashing out this far. You are happy in your life and don’t need to bring others down.

If you want to support her in feeling better, by all means point out all the stuff she’s got going for her. It may help her. But sometimes people in a bad place resent people who seem to be successful denying that they have a problem. They feel dismissed and ignored, as though you can’t see how awful their life is.

Yes she’s in a hard place - one she put herself in by having 4 kids she can’t afford.

Absolutely this!

I agree with PP that she’s softening up the ground to start asking you for money/big presents ‘for the kids’ because it’s ’easy for you’ and you ‘don’t need all that money’.

I’m surprised you’ve not been made Godparent for all of the kids tbh.

This

We’re not which is why there are so many threads on here about people having children they expect other people to support.
Of course I don’t want children to be hungry etc but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like men and women to think more carefully about who they has children with and how THEY will support those children. Men are not currently made to pay child support. There should be more sanctions for them like passport control. Money should be taken from their account.

Women need to stop believing in the fairytale crap about needing a man. If we educated women to be more independent then perhaps they wouldn’t settle for and pro create with these complete losers.

I don’t think you should be able to claim any benefits if you’ve never worked and I think they should have a time limit on them when you do.

So my advice would be to enlighten her.

You are missing one major factor here: the power of cognitive dissonance. As @Dgll points out: If she acknowledges that it isn"t just luck and you might be responsible for your better situation, then she might have to face the fact that she is responsible for some of her bad decisions. No one likes doing that

You can't enlighten people that dont want to see it. Anyone with even half a brain would recognise her comments as insensitive- the fact she doesn't care would indicate to me she wont be "enlightened".

Your friend made a big mistake in her choice of partner and sadly has paid the price -four babies later, and struggling on her own with the responsibility.
You could remind her that her future situation now depends on keeping her head down and parenting properly so that her ‘luck’ can really improve as her dc all grow up to secondary school age and become more independent. Maybe she will then have a second chance to work at a career and meet somebody more suitable. That hope exists for her, as does the hope for each of her four children if they are guided to work hard and make the right decisions. That’s a lot of potential if she resolves to concentrate on the future and work hard, uncomplainingly, to make her own luck.

Her comments to you are upsetting but I think she really needs you, as a friend, to point all that out to her.
Tell her that you and your DH had a chance to make your own luck as did she, but of course life takes different turns for each of us.
And yes, of course you must speak up and remind her that your own ‘luck’ as she calls it is still very bitter sweet because your mum, to whom you were very close, her luck finally ran out aged 51 when cancer cruelly took her from you.

You don’t owe her anything of course, especially if you have come to the end of the line with her. You can end the friendship or let it slow fade out.
But you can clearly see her situation whereas she is seemingly missing pertinent bits about yours.
So my advice would be to enlighten her.

If she acknowledges that it isn"t just luck and you might be responsible for your better situation, then she might have to face the fact that she is responsible for some of her bad decisions. No one likes doing that.

She’s not your friend.
how dare she being on benefits commenting that you are lucky given that you both work! Inheritance or not.

What did you ever have in common ?

Ditch the jealous cow, it won't improve.

Imagine telling someone they were lucky to have inherited money through a dearly loved one's death. What a cunty thing to say.

I am so sorry OP. I lost my mum in my 20s. No siblings. My lovely mum never got to see me get married, she never got to meet her grandchildren whom she would have absolutely adored and they never got to meet their grandmother. It has been the sadness of my life.

I too had a couple of comments at the time that I was "lucky" for getting a small inheritance. Back then I was so devastated by grief I said nothing.

Now, I'd tell them to fuck off to the other side of fuck and keep going.

I didnt have my mum with me when I gave birth or for any milestone events in my life. If anyone thinks a bit of money makes up for that then they are ignorant, and privileged (privileged for having the luxury of having their parents around).

Your friend is cruel- not every thought in our heads needs to be verbalised out loud and I would return the favour by telling her to go fuck herself and never to contact me ever again.

She's BU but she's also in a hard place. So depends how much your friendship means to you. I know I'm constant thinking of money now as a parent when i never did before. Maybe distance is best

Very lucky that your mum has died,is essentially what she's saying 😡She's awful. Why are you still friends with her? 😦😞

I would keep things close to your chest and stop telling her anything.

You sound like a normal couple. I would snap back exactly what you said to us ‘It’s a Ford Focus Sarah, not a Roller, we’re just a normal couple.’

Sorry for your loss op, I never talk to anyone about finances for that reason , people get weird about money. Your friend can't be that dense that she doesn't recognise you've lost both parents and have no siblings to rely on for emotional support. I'd have a word once and explain her calling you lucky is horrible and if she carried on I would spend less and less time with her.

I think the money feels different as well. We're inherited a lot when I lost both my parents and although they wanted me to have the money, I just can't think about it without feeling devastated that they're gobe.

One of my close relatives commented that I was lucky to have money too and I didn't say anything but I did think I feel anything but. I haven't even spent any even though our house needs work and our car is on its way out.

I’m really sorry OP. Having a friend say you’re “lucky” for your inheritance is just brutal. Was she sympathetic and a good friend when you’re mum died?

I think this is your friend lashing out, kidding herself she’s just unlucky rather than admitting it’s her own decisions that have led her to the difficult situation she’s in.

It sounds like these comparison digs started after her partner left. Whilst you can be sympathetic and understand why she’s making these remarks, in my experience once someone starts with the “must be nice” comments it doesn’t get any better. They have to keep doing it to feel better about themselves / kid themselves that you didn’t earn it and that they just were dealt a bad hand. Grating when your situation is the result of hard graft and bereavement.

The next time it starts, have a few responses ready - the galling thing is just politely absorbing these comments. “I’m lucky for losing my mum?” “I’d trade my inheritance for my mum any day.” “Bereavement and years of hard graft isn’t luck”.

This ^

I agree. You may not want to cause a drama but mix more with other friends who have similar lifestyle and values. You dont want to have to make excuses for the fact you work and save and are therefore able to buy a home and have holidats

‘Well, if I’d chosen to have four children with a lazy, workshy loser….’

That’s what I’d feel like saying to her! But in reality…

I’m probably twice your age and would give back my inheritance no question to have my mum back. I am so sorry for your loss, mine was a couple of years ago for me too and I miss her constantly. I bet you do too.

She’s crass. Dump her. As you do better she’ll only get worse: my sister makes comments like this to me snd has done so for 20 years - she’s angry that I’m happily married you see which makes her a snippy snidey bitch.

Your friend is not your sister so you don’t have to put up with that.