to be fed up of crap fathers being excused from basic parenting?

Totally agree

But women are waking up to their nonsense and saying, no more

Sick of this shit

I agree with some of it but I don’t understand getting up when the baby cries. I breastfed so there was no point my husband waking up. Also I wanted him well rested so he could do helpful things like make me breakfast.

My husband was pretty clueless when we had our first. However I wasn’t scared to be honest with him and tell him what I needed like when the kids were toddlers taking turns at weekends getting up early with them. A lot of women are martyrs who expect men to read their minds.

That's a tricky one.

If you read some Mumsnet threads, particularly those about dating separated fathers, then any father who has less than 50:50 is automatically viewed as a shit dad and so should instantly be regarded as lazy/unsuitable/abuser.

But then you read other Mumsnet threads (aimed at single mothers) and there are endless comments about how any father wanting 50:50 can only possibly want that so they can stop paying maintenance. They go on to say that children must have a fixed residence that they can consider "home" and from which they see the other male parent relatively infrequently.

those of us who share parenting with competent committed men shouldn't shut up about it either as we have the living proof that you can have a penis AND hear a baby crying/dress a toddler/go to parents evening/whatever, yes and work full time and STILL do housework evenings and weekends
if these useless waste of space men aren't told its possible they will just carry on being useless

This!

Unfortunately babies and toddlers haven't got the memo that they shouldn't cleave to their mother as a matter of course but be open to alternatives.

Behind every useless dad, there’s a woman who has enabled his behaviour.

Just read a post where someone claiming that a dad having his own kids EOW and “maybe some holiday time as well” is a fine arrangement because anything more is “too much of a strain”.

Some women need to make better choices when choosing who to have children with . It’s no surprise that some men are crap . They need to set the bar higher . And yes I do blame some women before anyone comes along shouting about victim blaming .

Yes, and they are judged for it, particularly by fathers, whereas fathers get “you’re such a good dad” for doing the bare minimum.

To a degree, but men regularly choosing not to see their dc is alien to most mums who just couldn’t think of anything worse!

I see it a lot on here. Thankfully I don’t see it in rl - our men are equals who pull their weight! I’m not sure I’m on board with shared parental leave unless the mother chooses it. Dd1’s birth took me 10 months to recover and feel normal.

I sent my ex-husband (who hasn't paid a penny in child maintenance and has decided he couldn't be bothered to see our daughter in the past several years for no reason whatsoever other than he couldn't be bothered) a text this morning reminding him that it's our daughter's 16th birthday in a few days (given that he usually forgets to even send a text).

His reply was "Who the hell gave you this number?!?!?!?!?!" 🤔 (it was his mum and we had already previously communicated on this number, so I don't know if he was drunk/high but I am now blocked 😂). I literally sent one text saying: "... is turning 16 next week".

So clearly he won't contact her on her birthday. I literally have no idea what goes on in the heads of such men.

Men and women reinforce and enable terrible male behaviour in equal measure in my experience.

I reckon this is another reason why women don’t leave - who could bear to watch that shower while you’re STILL doing all the grunt work

I’m not really surprised as in my line of work I’ve been aware of dads basically being pushed out for choosing to take both weeks. It’s horrific.

YANBU, but how well has the “get better fast” option ever actually worked? Usually the only option if you’re zero tolerance on this is separation and then you have a situation where women are handing their child off for whole weekends/weeks to the quite clearly less competent parent. I’m not at all surprised women refuse to do this and just suck it up until the kids are teens and can advocate for themselves a bit.
I don’t know if there’s any data but I reckon long long held resentment is the primary cause of midlife divorce.

Terrible! I heard some friends' husbands talking about this.. 'worried about their career'. As if every woman who has EVER taken maternity leave hasn't had the same worry!!

Totally agree with all these points! Very criminal! And we need to buck up as a sex!

However, can we also recognise a system that is fundamentally broken? Giving a father 2 weeks paternity leave is OBVIOUSLY going make them LESS of a competent parent from day 1 (well, day 15), they have only ba few hours a day to learn what the mother learns in the first month. Of course it's going to take a lot more time for them to feel comfortable with a 'delicate' newborn, then I guess the parenting divide just expands.

Paternity should be compulsory (so they are not rewarded in their career for choosing NOT to take it) AND a lot longer than 2 bloody weeks - when, often the woman is still bleeding and is MASSIVELY overwhelmed.

I have lots of real life friend examples, too!

Yes and us single mums are absolutely raking it in in benefits.

My exh claims more benefits than I do 🤣

Possibly the main reason the birth rate is dropping

I think bar is set so fucking low for dads. I’m lucky my DH is a good father but so many just aren’t, anytime I doubt myself and think I’m a bad mum i just think if I was a man ppl would think what I do is phenomenal

Don't forget the praise the great dads that only manage to parent EOW and the expectation that mums will pick up the other 12 days a fortnight.

Yanbu.

I got so fed up with ex's selective ineptitude that I took dc and left. I couldn't see the point of him any more, life was simply easier without him.

Ex still tells anyone who will listen (15 years later) that he doesn't understand why I left, despite me spelling it out clearly in short words, several times.