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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bitchy e-mail re fertility rates for older women

112 replies

Jude03 · 30/01/2026 12:53

AIBU to feel upset after receiving an e-mail from a friend - who thought it would be "helpful" to send some data on declining fertility rates for women... for me to give my 40 year old daughter ?! This, from a woman who herself has two similarly aged sons, neither of whom have ever had a girlfriend and still live at home. My DD has been in long-term relationship and for all I know, does not want to have children - but in any event surely this is none of my business.

OP posts:
lizziedripping98 · 30/01/2026 14:21

"Thank you for that (friends name) but i'd have thought with two grown unmarried sons still at home you'd have more pressing matters to attend to."

TwoTuesday · 30/01/2026 14:18

Is she hoping your daughter will take one of her sons off her hands?

Dontlletmedownbruce · 30/01/2026 14:16

Send a link on adults failure to launch.

Seriously I'd ask her if she sent it in error or ask why had she thought of it. Let her explain. Hopefully as she does she will realise how silly she sounds.

trappedCatAsleepOnMe · 30/01/2026 14:14

SummerInSun · 30/01/2026 13:29

I don’t understand why some people seem to think that women don’t already know this?! You’d have to be living under a rock as a youngish women theses days not to be aware that your fertility falls as you age and really really falls after 40. It’s not new helpful important information to share, it’s like saying to a smoker “OMG I’ve just found out that smoking can give you lung cancer”.

This.

I've encountered odd man who seems oblivious to decline fertlity in women and their own but never a woman.

Though I'd have just sent a ? back.

peepsypops · 30/01/2026 14:11

As someone who has just turned 40, can you please tell her to fuck off from all of us?

BudgetBuster · 30/01/2026 14:11

Jude03 · 30/01/2026 14:09

Thank you everyone for all your responses - I've finally 'grown a pair' and terminated this so-called 'friendship' once and for all.

Ohhhhhh tell us.. what did you say?

Original poster
Jude03 · 30/01/2026 14:09

Thank you everyone for all your responses - I've finally 'grown a pair' and terminated this so-called 'friendship' once and for all.

OP posts:
NotnowMildrid · 30/01/2026 14:06

It’s extremely tactless and none of her business.

Does your instinct tell you she’s more of a frenemy than a friend?

Does she often throw little acidic or patronising comments your way?

Nopersbro · 30/01/2026 14:03

You could reply with "LOL, you're WAY past 40, though. Better try rehabilitating the children you already have! 😉"

Naunet · 30/01/2026 14:01

Additup · 30/01/2026 13:45

Presumably there is some context to her sending the email ?

Why? As a woman in my 40s who never wanted children, I can tell you I've met many women like this, who seem to think it's their duty to educated me on how I'm failing at my duties as a woman, completely unprompted.

AstonScrapingsNameChange · 30/01/2026 13:59

I don't understand all the 'block her' drama.

Yes it's weird and overstepping but, meh, it's really not that big a deal. As a pp said she's probably feeling sad that she may not have grandchildren.

Unless she starts saying things to your daughters face, or you don't like her that much anyway, I'd let it ride.

SoSoLong · 30/01/2026 13:58

"Thank fuck for that, it means DD will be able to come off the pill and stop worrying about falling pregnant soon"

Mumstheword1983 · 30/01/2026 13:58

Moveoverdarlin · 30/01/2026 12:57

I would reply ‘why have you sent me this?’

It’s beyond rude.

This.

BigKissByeBye · 30/01/2026 13:57

bridgetreilly · 30/01/2026 13:51

She shouldn’t have sent it, but you don’t need to get upset about it. Just ignore, or tell her thanks, but you weren’t planning on getting pregnant again…

Yes, this.😀

godmum56 · 30/01/2026 13:55

JoshLymanSwagger · 30/01/2026 13:25

Send her details of Erectile Dysfunction for her to pass on to her sons...

this. I mean sending stuff like that to you for your daughter is weird beyond belief. My lovely late Mil had a friend who used to make pointed comments about when we would be having children,whenever we met, again a widow with one son, but that was 50 years ago and it wasn't common or acceptable then.

LadyRoughDiamond · 30/01/2026 13:54

A quick response along the lines of How dare you send me this should suffice. Sometimes, the simplest, bluntest response is all that’s needed.

lanthanum · 30/01/2026 13:52

Jude03 · 30/01/2026 12:53

AIBU to feel upset after receiving an e-mail from a friend - who thought it would be "helpful" to send some data on declining fertility rates for women... for me to give my 40 year old daughter ?! This, from a woman who herself has two similarly aged sons, neither of whom have ever had a girlfriend and still live at home. My DD has been in long-term relationship and for all I know, does not want to have children - but in any event surely this is none of my business.

"My daughter's fertility is none of my business, and certainly none of yours."

Quamarina · 30/01/2026 13:51

What a pathetic woman. I’m 41, well aware my fertility is declining / that ship has sailed. I wouldn’t need my mum to tell me this on behalf of her friend! What on earth was she thinking!?

bridgetreilly · 30/01/2026 13:51

She shouldn’t have sent it, but you don’t need to get upset about it. Just ignore, or tell her thanks, but you weren’t planning on getting pregnant again…

ClawedButler · 30/01/2026 13:50

Well you're BU to be upset about it. Baffled, maybe. Astonished.

I wouldn't dignify it with a response, although I'd be tempted to use Sarah Millican's line: "My husband and I can't have children, because we hate them".

ScreamingBeans · 30/01/2026 13:46

What's she like normally?

Without more context it's difficult to say if she was being bitchy or is just a bit of a nutter.

Do you generally enjoy her company? Or is she a PITA?

Additup · 30/01/2026 13:45

Presumably there is some context to her sending the email ?

Slightyamusedandsilly · 30/01/2026 13:44

I'd email her back @Jude03 and say 'DD has decided she doesn't want children because she doesn't want grown adult male children being dependent on her into retirement.'

Fodencat · 30/01/2026 13:42

That’s not a friend. That’s a jealous snake. Bin

soupyspoon · 30/01/2026 13:39

Whats the context though, out of the blue, completely random?

Or was it following a conversation where yo had mentioned your daughter or talked about her wanting or not wanting children yet or ever?

If the former, I would go with the response above to Marjorie.

If the latter, she is a bit clumsy about it but may have thought she was helping