Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bitchy e-mail re fertility rates for older women

112 replies

Jude03 · 30/01/2026 12:53

AIBU to feel upset after receiving an e-mail from a friend - who thought it would be "helpful" to send some data on declining fertility rates for women... for me to give my 40 year old daughter ?! This, from a woman who herself has two similarly aged sons, neither of whom have ever had a girlfriend and still live at home. My DD has been in long-term relationship and for all I know, does not want to have children - but in any event surely this is none of my business.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
WildLeader · 02/02/2026 11:53

TheInkIsBlackThePageIsWhite · 30/01/2026 13:02

Message back and tell her that you've wanted to send her something for her sons and send her an article about men with Mummy issues, and block her.

Message back and tell her that you've wanted to send her something for her sons about men with Mummy issues, but that you’re not unspeakably rude enough to involve yourself in something that is ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUR BUSINESS

and THEN block her.

Mama2many73 · 02/02/2026 09:47

Katrinawaves · 30/01/2026 13:07

I’d email back and say “i take the view that this is none of my business. It’s certainly none of yours” and leave it at that.

Love this! I'd want to add more about her sons, but this is better, precise, concise but puts her in her place brilliantly!!

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 02/02/2026 09:24

TheInkIsBlackThePageIsWhite · 30/01/2026 13:02

Message back and tell her that you've wanted to send her something for her sons and send her an article about men with Mummy issues, and block her.

😂

justtheotheronemrswembley · 01/02/2026 15:45

I'd send her an article about Oedipus complex.

intrepidpanda · 01/02/2026 15:39

I voted YABU cause why would you even care never mind get upset.
Email back with 'well looks like no more kids for you then'

YourJustOrca · 01/02/2026 15:25

Send her some helpful Rightmove links.

Pherian · 01/02/2026 15:23

Jude03 · 30/01/2026 12:53

AIBU to feel upset after receiving an e-mail from a friend - who thought it would be "helpful" to send some data on declining fertility rates for women... for me to give my 40 year old daughter ?! This, from a woman who herself has two similarly aged sons, neither of whom have ever had a girlfriend and still live at home. My DD has been in long-term relationship and for all I know, does not want to have children - but in any event surely this is none of my business.

I’d tell her to print her email out and fold it into tiny pieces and shove it up her ass. Your daughter’s fertility is none of her business.

Minglingpringle · 01/02/2026 14:55

Don’t be upset by it. It doesn’t need to affect you.

This is all about her and not about you. She assumes you have the same worries she has.

AlexStocks · 31/01/2026 22:53

Jesus, people need to learn boundaries!

PieLoe · 31/01/2026 20:24

MyBrightPeer · 30/01/2026 12:58

Straight in the bin and don’t dignify her rudeness with a response.

This

JHound · 31/01/2026 20:20

Does the friend think your daughter is an idiot? Tell your friend the email was bitchy and you are not passing anything on to your daughter because your daughter is not an idiot.
Then block the friend.

TheYetty · 31/01/2026 20:13

Delete and block.
I do it all the time. Its my age. Less people means more happiness.

YourEagerFox · 31/01/2026 18:12

Sounds like she may be projecting insecurities she has about her sons (if they’ve never had a relationship) onto your daughter.

Charliede1182 · 30/01/2026 21:45

The sender of this unsolicited email is definitely being unreasonable. Beyond that in fact, it is not only none of her business but for all she knows your daughter could be unable to have children or have suffered multiple losses.

I guess it depends on the nature of your relationship whether you point out to her that this is inappropriate.

When I was going through round after round of IVF I would have appreciated it if any of the individuals making unhelpful remarks would have received counsel to maybe think first from someone in a less vulnerable place.

Naunet · 30/01/2026 19:25

Additup · 30/01/2026 14:44

Because if OP had been recently discussing the subject with her friend then the email is in context. It's still tactless, but in context.

However, if the friends contact is usually just a card at Christmas and suddenly this email arrives out of the blue then it's really bizarre.

It isn't about you @naunet and what has happened to you, although I agree anyone passing comment on others childfree status is unacceptable.

Show quote history

Well thank you for letting me know that wasn't about me, but if you look at what I was replying to, there was no 'if' mentioned.

PashaMinaMio · 30/01/2026 18:20

Katrinawaves · 30/01/2026 13:07

I’d email back and say “i take the view that this is none of my business. It’s certainly none of yours” and leave it at that.

This in shedloads ^

Sometimes people I know ask me why my offspring haven’t had kids. I respond with “I don’t know why and I never ask cos it’s none of my business”

They get the message and shut up then.

Didimum · 30/01/2026 18:14

Dear Sally,

This is a highly inappropriate email to receive from you. I expect an apology.

Regards,
Jude03

netflixfan · 30/01/2026 17:36

You sound a lovely person, and I bet your daughter thinks so too. Ignore your idiotic friend.

PotatoLove · 30/01/2026 17:31

Cheeky bitch!

While she's still got two mummy's boys living at home 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

NotnowMildrid · 30/01/2026 16:49

Try not to feel guilty.

People like this keep pushing boundaries because they’ve been allowed to get away with it.

There’s always a catalyst to make us stop them in their tracks in the end.

Bufftailed · 30/01/2026 16:29

HisNotHes · 30/01/2026 13:24

This. Make her explain herself and squirm.

If she does try to justify it, suggest she concentrates on her own adult children instead.

Show quote history

I agree. Simple one liner

TheIceBear · 30/01/2026 16:26

How presumptuous and tone deaf.

SilverSkirt · 30/01/2026 16:19

Jude03 · 30/01/2026 15:35

Afraid the waning fertility e-mail was just the tip of an ever expanding iceberg over the past few years. I've known this woman since meeting her at the ante-natal class we attended in the late 1980s - hence the reference to her adult sons who are a similar age to my daughter. We only kept in touch via Christmas cards each year but she suddenly started bombarding me with e-mails out of the blue in 2020.... to the point where I had to ask her to lessen the frequency of her messages which were becoming a drain on my time and energy. Bottom line: my own fault for engaging with an 'energy vampire' ! I should have been firmer in setting boundaries, but being a stupid 'people pleaser; I continued to reply to each message. Not any longer - afraid I sent a reply along the lines of "Re-arrange the following words into a well-known phrase or saying: Off F*ck".

But OMG, did I feel guilty doing this, even though the fertility issue was just one of many other insensitive topics which this woman would bang on about. Grrr. End of rant!

Excellent! I am afraid I am fed up of reading posts by doormats who ‘hate confrontation’. Good for you 👏

AlexisP90 · 30/01/2026 16:14

TheInkIsBlackThePageIsWhite · 30/01/2026 13:02

Message back and tell her that you've wanted to send her something for her sons and send her an article about men with Mummy issues, and block her.

Please do this

theDudesmummy · 30/01/2026 16:06

Well done for ending the "friendship", what a rude cow. I certainly would have. I did end one when the woman started "helpfully" sending me numerous popular science/women's magazine articles/quack remedies about autism after my DS was diagnosed, when I am literally a professional in that field and she had no qualifications of any kind. I didn't even tell her to butt out, just cut her off.

Swipe left for the next trending thread