90 year old grandma and cousins’ stepchildren

And I'll ask again. Does that mean that granny has no say in who attends and the people paying could just invite their own friends? It's granny's party for crying out loud.

How close is her relationship with her granddaughter's husband and presumably the partners of other grandchildren? It's a family thing and they are considered family and so should step children. Vile to invite a sibling and excuse their other siblings. If it's about the photo that is easily solved.

So clearly these children spend time with the cousin and her husband as a family unit. They are her stepchildren and her other childrens (half/step) siblings.

When you say he takes them uninvited to family events, presumably he thinks the whole family is invited - as they should be. If it’s the dad’s weekend and there is an invite to visit PIL that means all of them! Or it should!

The invitations should be issued by the people who are paying for the event. Granny isn't paying.

That really is a horrible comment.

What terribly sad grim ‘family’ you all are. How painful that you are all so brittle on this occasion. I suggest that the cousins husband knows how cold, judgmental and exclusionary you all are and is just winding you up.

What free bar and buffet did the 8 year olds avail themselves of so much to offend or deprive you that you are still bleating on about it 6 years later?

Yes, dead serious.
They are a blended family, you don’t include one child from a sibling group and exclude the other two. Needlessly cruel and as you can see, has caused fractures within the family and hurt feelings.
it’s ugly behaviour, but atleast they won’t have to put up with it for much longer!!!! Every cloud. 🤭

I feel sorry for the Biological children in these cases... they can't even have a relationship with their grandmother etc without having to prioritise the step sibling... who is allowed to have a relationship with their own grandparents etc without an extra.

Why can’t dickhead (thank you pp) pay for his step children and you or whoever is paying for the photographer, brief them in advance - a strong assertive one will be able to deal with this without fuss. Who cares if they appear in a couple of pictures but granny gets the photos she wants? Then everyone is happy 🤷🏼‍♀️. If he doesn’t want to pay the. That’s rather simple.

Because she doesn't have a relationship with them, they don't live with her granddaughter, they are the children of her granddaughter's husband who live with their own mother - she doesn't spend time with them. That isn't the same as the step grandma you are close to, it's a completely different situation.

At age 90 I also don't think it would unreasonable to want to keep numbers to a certain limit and make a cut off somewhere.

That’s the thing - you were close.
It doesn’t sound like the case here. She just wants a 90th birthday with her family.

Even wives/husbands are not invited - he’s just forcing things.

This woman sounds petty and horrible OP.

I've no idea why you think she's nice.

It's just a bloody birthday party, not a royal wedding.

Its none of your business is it if cousin chooses to stand by her husband then that's her choice ,if your granma don't want sc there at the expense of her bio ones that's her choice .

Teenagers she barely knows and who barely knows her not children

I am a foster carer and am glad to say that whenever we are invited to a significant event any current foster children are included in that invitation - whether they have been with us for a day or 15 years. Very grateful that any extended family never leave a foster child out.

Look no one is disputing this guy is a probably a total dick and a CF looking for a free bar

Granny has 2 choices and needs to decide what's important.
The WHOLE family and the GC she wants OR
holding the line and excluding the step cousins / having a missing GC or 2
(Its convoluted so I am not sure on numbers)

If its she wants everyone there ....
Invite dickhead and the kids and brief the photographer properly they are experienced.

They will take pics non relatives and out.
Do diff sets and groupings and manage him.
You then only have to look at the photos ypu want

I had this at my wedding i suspected db and sil would divorce so didnt want her in everything and there was mandatory invite who was an arsehole. Photographer did a superb job and it was as if neither were at the wedding!!!

Id try and schedule it so its not on the cousins husband contact day to be extra annoying,!!!!

But why? They live with their mum, not with their dad and stepmum. Why would they expect to go to the 90th birthday of a woman they aren’t related to? It’s not like they all live together, or they are small children being left with a babysitter.

And that the family should pay for them!

Then the CF will have to accept the consequences. No one goes and he doesn't get a free meal.

Cousin’s husband is the dick. Why should he insist on the two teenage children who don’t live with him attending the 90th birthday party of a woman they aren’t related to?

Betcha the cousin’s eldest doesn’t go to the stepbrother’s other grandparents birthdays.

Two of my stepsiblings have stepchildren. My dad and stepmum wouldn't dream of not paying for them when they treat us all. They are just treated as grandchildren.

You’re framing this in a strange way. They’re the daughter’s (or niece’s, or whatever) stepchildren.

Tell gran to invite them and pay the photographer to edit them out digitally afterwards. If cousin wants photos, he can take his own, or if you want to be nice you can send him the pre-digital altered versions.

And yeah I probably would too. If it's such a big event for the family then it's £50 to keep the peace and not create a drama before it even starts.