90 year old grandma and cousins’ stepchildren

Various spouses are included?

All spouses that are invited are non-blood relatives and have the potential in the future of “leaving” the family due to divorce but will presumably be in the photos. These children are in the same situation yet she thinks their presence will ruin the family photos?!

She doesn’t want those “poor bloody kids” at her party while she’s alive to see them there. I expect she’ll care even less if they turn up to her funeral once she’s dead. On account of being dead, for a start.

Well if the answer is ‘not many’ maybe they’re just falling into the ‘don’t throw one at all’ category?

This.
Cousins parents should be sorting this out.

Yes, of course. If I was prepared to pay for a grandchild I'd expect to pay for their siblings. Perhaps if your family were less shitty about excluding them from every damn thing then youd have less problem with your cousin's partner bring "pushy". If I had seen my half sister left out of our family gatherings because my mum wasn't her mum then I would have refused to attend as well. Luckily my family had a far broader definition of "family" than yours seems to.

We have all sorts of blended families in our family set up and thank God my Granny wanted every single one of us there for her 90th birthday.
A year later her dementia has set in and she’s now in a care home.

…they aren’t her family, as I’m sure they’re aware.

She wants a ‘party’ with, and photos with, her children and grandchildren, presumably. Why would two unrelated children she barely knows be included in this?

And your behaviour is so... gracious. Sniggering about a 90 year old woman's death. Says a lot about you.

Editing to add, posts like this show beautifully how some people even in the 21st century have still basically a mob mentality. They'd be the first to hurl rocks at a stoning, cheer during a hanging and whoop during floggings.

she needs repentance ...

I wonder how many big parties people throw who say these sort of things.

They're as someone else put it imposter descendants

But why would she want them in a family photo? They are nothing to her, they aren't her great-grandchildren. They live with their mother, she hardly knows them.

Just because her granddaughter has got together with their father doesn't make them her family. They've presumably got their own extended family, grandparents and great grandparents.

Yes of course, why not? Fuck me, either throw a party properly or don’t bother throwing one at all.

The Grandma barely knows the teenagers. They probably won't give a shit if they don't go - they live with their mother and would most likely rather be hanging out with their mates than going for a sit down meal with a room full of people they hardly know to celebrate an old lady's 90th birthday.

To say it would affect their mental health is a woefully ridiculous thing to say 🙄

She doesn’t sound like a lovely woman. She sounds very controlling and I would avoid the whole thing. It is not fair at all.

I don’t think this thread is going how OP anticipated 🤣🤣

Perhaps ask if the step grandchildren can come, but not be in these photos? Ask the cousin to agree to this in advance. Then seat the step grandchildren as far away from her as possible. She won’t have to interact with them hardly at all and the photos will be as she wants them.

A photo “perfect” in Granny’s eyes

vs

innocent teenagers being shown they are not family

Granny is not being that nice, she can think what she wants about cousins husband but let the stepkids go

Granny sounds a real delight.

A photo of significance? Pushing his children forward.

If I were one of the teens I'd be glad to be spared her party anyway..

To be honest the teens would probably just sit on their phones or something. It's hardly worth excluding them really as it's such a big gathering and they will hardly be noticed. That being said, it's not any of the children's fault so it does seem a shame that the biologically related children are being told they can't go when it is their family get together.

Doesn't sound particularly lovely to be so determined to dislike the children that she doesn't want their faces in a bloody photo.

i don’t think this is right. The ex-husband of OP’s cousin, who is the father of the cousin’s oldest child, has offered to take their shared child to the party. He will sit in the bar to wait.

OP’s aunt (mot(er of OP cousin) has offered to get the younger great-grandchild (the cousin’s shared child with her new husband) to the party.

OP’s cousin’s new husband is the one wanting to block the two blood great-grandchildren from attending the party, unless his own teenage children are also invited. One is not his child, so he has no right at all to stop them going. One is his shared child with OP cousin. His own children live with their mother, so presumably do not know OP’s family well and I imagine have barely met OP’s grandmother.

I can see why the great-grandmother does not want to invite two unknown and unrelated teenagers to her special party.

Laughing emoji? Nice.

But Grandma isn’t paying. Just setting the guest list…?

If, because they’re paying, your mum, aunt and uncle are actually setting the guest list and don’t want to / can’t pay for everyone then they can just ask for a contribution from their children. That’s just the routine splitting of a bill for a meal.. no need for huge drama

it sounds more that the cousin’s parents (and some extended family) just don’t get on with her husband… he might be a dick, he might not, but the cousin now comes as a package with her husband and step children. Are they using Grandma’s strict photo requirements and wheeling out the cousin’s ex, to show him he’s disliked? And is he pushing back by saying they come as a family so no one comes? Maybe they can all find a way to rub along nicely for two hours for the sake of Grandma - invite the SC they’re nice kids and might not even come.