90 year old grandma and cousins’ stepchildren

By the same token, why not invite his parents too?

The spouse is invited as a plus one. Her grandchildren are invited because of their relationship to and with her.

Okay then, they’re as familiar to her as someone she’d recognize at living in her general neighborhood, that she’s briefly met a handful of times. Essentially strangers.

She’s not ‘awful’ for not wanting two teenagers that she doesn’t know, who are no relation to her, at her family celebration.

Their brother is her grandchild, and by the sounds of it their mother wants to go with both her children.

No, if BOTH my children- my daughter and my stepdaughter- were not included I wouldn't be there so the cost would be £0. Luckily, my family aren't this awful and if we're invited somewhere as a family they invite the whole family.

I think grandma is being ridiculous. Why be so precious about a few photos? Why would she want her birthday to be remembered for a nasty, petty drama?

I don’t understand how a 90 year old can be so petty. Invite the teenagers!

We have step children in our family. They are very happy seeing their own family members separately, and don't think distant/extended family of their step siblings are part of "their" family and vice versa.

It's just a Venn diagram where there is some overlap but not all. Everyone is respected and cared for, everyone understands that sometimes Olivia and Joe celebrate things with their grandparents, while Maisie and Theo celebrate others with theirs.

It's not disrespectful or unkind to know who you are related to in a blended family, and to be ok with that.

Cousin's DH is making an issue where there is no need. He should get over that chip on his shoulder - unless he expects his ex wife's husband's to include his step child.and younger son with their events?

Or them all still bleating on SIX years later than a little 8 year old hand a vol-u-vont from an evening buffet…..what sort of ‘family’ is this?

Cousin's husband is an asshole trying to make a point. I expect there's a fair bit of tension in their marriage if he overrides her and insists on bringing his children were they aren't invited.

Gate-crashing a wedding, FFS!

These are step-great-grandchildren that don't live with the 90yo's granddaughter. Birthday Gran probably barely knows them - if at all.

For your 90th birthday it's perfectly acceptable to invite your family. These teens aren't her family. They would probably be bored to tears anyway.

The husband is a dick and I'm team Grandma.

Well played!

That everyone stays Just Good Friends? 😉

Yes, I have. I’ve just said I have. This is just a larger scale family portrait.

Even if there ARE going to be a lot of pictures, it’s right there in the OP that the grandmother wants a picture of the whole family. And that she doesn’t consider these children family. And that their father has form for trying to force this issue. It’s literally all in the first post.

That’s why there’s no point in people saying “Just invite them and take the photo without them”. It’s very clear that would be noticed and would be an issue.

What’s your point?

The 90 year old isn't getting married.

Have you heard of a photographer being engaged for an event and only taking one photograph?

What would Paul Nicholas suggest in this situation?

What does wanting her actual great-grandson there have to do with her relationship with the half-siblings?

If I was getting married, I’d want my cousin there. I’ve met her half-siblings once.

Have you heard of a family portrait?

I don't see how you'd invite boyfriends and girlfriends of grandchildren but not stepchildren. They're equally related.

They arent essentially strangers. Apparently she will be broken hearted if theyre brother isnt there. She knows exactly who they are, they arent randoms off the street.
But because shes old, no one pulls her up for being awful.

They aren’t her family. They’re essentially strangers.

Jeez I can’t imagine wanting to go to a 90th birthday meal at their ages.

I've been informed that some great aunt or something has made a family tree of dp's side of the family but left me off it because we're not married, but included my child. Any family tree that my child is a part of should also include me in my opinion seeing as I bloody birthed him. Suspect this man feels that as his oldest children are siblings with the bio grandchildren they are family by extension. Just like all the spouses who have married in, not biologically related to Granny (you'd hope) and yet still invited to the party by extension.

Imagine being so annoyed that two teenagers dare to exist.

In the words of Shakespeare:

“Thou shouldst not have been old till thou hadst been wise.”

OP has not clearly explained ~ the post is very muddled but I do think that Grandma should be allowed to have or not have whoever she wants at her party.

Don’t enable your grandmothers bad behaviour ! Tell her if she w ate the ret if the family there then they should be too !