90 year old grandma and cousins’ stepchildren

She's got her precious photo to lose if they don't all turn up.

Acknowledgment of what? That they’re considered family? They aren’t, and they’re not.

It’s very convenient that the finds integrating his children to be of the utmost importance only when it involves an event that someone else is paying for, though.

They’re hostile towards the cousin’s husband trying to force everyone else to bend to his will, as if it’s something he’s entitled to demand.

It doesn’t sound like his wife is on his side either. His stepson certainly isn’t.

Unkind to exclude but doesn’t sound much fun for youngsters anyway so if I were the step kids I’d be relieved lol

She is not these kids' GrandMa! She is the grandmother of their stepmother; the great-grandmother of their step-siblings.

Agree. I suspect that if they were graciously invited that’s all the acknowledgment the cousin and her husband needed and the teenagers probs would be busy doing something else. But it seems that there has been active bitching for years and hostility of these children from the start which maybe the cousin and her husband are advocating for.

Can anyone tell explain why the cousins oldest child (blood) needs his DF / her ex in the bar on standby during the lunch?

I think everyone could have been a bit more relaxed and avoided a problem.

Grandma could have cared a bit less about who’s in the photos. She hasn’t got long left to look at them anyway… Why are photos more important than a nice occasion, where people enjoy getting together?

Dad is making things worse by dragging his child to these events. They will feel so stupid, embarrassed and rejected. It would be much better just to acknowledge that they’re not invited and support them in developing resilience. Tell them that “biological
links are very important to Grandma. You’ve got two biological grandmas of your own, so that’s nice. It’s a shame you’re not invited but you are the centre of the world for Mum and me. Why don’t we do something fun together ourselves that day - what do you think we should do?” He certainly shouldn’t be trying to stop the others going.

And OP and the rest of her family could stop getting so caught up in the issue and turning it into an us versus them situation.

They’re either family or they aren’t. If my stepkids weren’t invited, I wouldn’t be going.

She's 90. I can't understand some of these bitching, nasty comments. Wait and see what you are like at that age. I honestly can't see this being a bundle of fun now everyone in the family is putting their tuppence-worth in. All this should have been resolved quietly grannie, first. Good luck, all of you.

God forbid this man have to accept no for an answer, huh?

They aren’t part of her family. She doesn’t even know them. Not sure what she’s losing, considering the eldest son is being taken by his father, and it sounds like the cousin isn’t siding with her husband on this one.

Why should she accept that?

I wouldn’t bank on GGM having more to lose. I bet the cousin and her grasping husband are hoping for something in her will…

I mean the nana doesn't give a fuck about those teenagers (the feeling is probably mutual) and as she's 90 she doesn't care what #bekind-ers think. They're almost certainly not in her will either, so no surprises. Does any of this matter, they're not her relatives.

DH and DC would be the step kids in this scenario. Step FIL is extremely close to DS (possibly more in common than with most of his GC) but DS is definitely not his GC. I presume he's had bday parties - we havent been invited and none of us care, sometimes DC will bake a cake with him the weekend after. He's got his own actual GC and my kids have their own GF (who theyre not that close to but is still their actual GF).

If we were invited to a party I imagine DC might like a little photo with step FIL on their own but I wouldn't expect them to be in a descendant photo because theyre not descendants

Read the OP!!

Exactly. I remember a neighbour having a similar do, photos like you describe with the added complication of fostered children who were included but not in every photo. No one batted an eye and no one excluded.

Or the GGM accepts non biological children are still part of the family.

Whose got more to lose? I'd say the GGM but her choice.

The other alternative is some members of the family are missing and the GGM doesn't get her photo.

Or the cousin’s husband stops being an arse.

Or they take 2 photos (one blood one not) - amongst a series of photos - grannie with her sister, grannie with her children, grannie with her children and their spouses, grannie with her different family group grandchildren, grannie with all the great grandchildren, grannie with blood great grandchildren - I wont bore on any longer - it’s not the barrier @Unlistedmakes out. It’s very easily and diplomatically achieved.

I doubt they even want to go, and she doesn’t want them their but their parent is making a fuss!

Any photographers on here? How do you manage those families where someone throws a tantrum over this sort of thing? Do people sometimes warn you that Cousin Jane will go apeshit if you imply her first child is only a step grandchild and isn't included in the grandchildren photo?

Have you ever been to an event with a photographer? He calls people for the relevant photos, people move in and out. I've been to many and it has never been an issue but if their father tries to take over his FIL or other relative steps in
No big deal

The other alternative is some members of the family are missing and the GGM doesn't get her photo.

What if the GM is concerned about the size of the party and is feeling a little overwhelmed by how big its getting? I dont know if I would want such a big party and im half her age !

That makes her a terrible person. Not sweet like you are trying to claim at all.

Why wouldn’t they go to the marriage to their family member when invited?

If they did, I would imagine that they didn’t bring along their own uninvited guests. It’s the groom that has form for that, after all.

I’m still wondering how often the cousin’s husband has put his hand in his pocket to host a party or meal out to encourage his wife’s family to get to know his kids?

I wonder if the grandmother and all the other nasty cousins / aunts / uncles / parents / in laws rocked up to the wedding of their granddaughter, daughter, niece, cousin celebrate the marriage to the Dad of these children - who they are now excluding?