90 year old grandma and cousins’ stepchildren

The stepchildren probably don't want to go to a 90 year old's party anyway.

If the cousin and husband wete to split up, would he be encouraging/facilitating a continued relationship with their step family?

Would these teens be inviting step-mum’s granny to their parties/wedding? Unlikely I think. And I suspect their dad wouldn’t be pushing them to invite her either.

To clarify, the children live with their mother. Mother is not related to granny. Are the children going to be with the stepmother on the day of the party or is the father just making arrangements for them to appear at the party? Because if he has decided they are unilaterally going to be with him for the day, I can see why granny is saying no.
Just for reference I'm a step daughter, I didn't go to every family celebration from my stepmother's side. My half sister didn't go to events organised by my late mother's family. We didn't give 2 hoots.

Your Grandma's perfectly within her rights not to want those step children there. She wants her actual family in the photos and not random unrelated teens pushed there by their unrelated father.

Their father sounds like a rude boorish person bringing the children to gate crash events where they weren't invited, what sort of person does that?! He is totally unreasonable.

Just the cousin's actual children should be there.

I can't believe people are trying to tell your grandma who she should invite to her own party.

These aren’t cousin’s children though. They’re the children of a grandchild’s spouse.

I'd be surprised if they want to be there.

If the stepchildren live almost exclusively with their mother, would they even be available to go to the party? How well does Granny know them? I don’t actually think it’s unreasonable not to invite them, if they’re only very peripheral family members as far as she is concerned.

She presumably has never met them, certainly didn’t know them or regard them as her family. Which is true isn’t it. They’re the children of her granddaughter’s husband from his first marriage.

While a parent will probably have a relationship with the children of their DSIL or DDIL’s first marriage, it’s perfectly understandable that a grandparent doesn’t have such a relationship therefore cousin’s husband is being a dick.

I don't understand why they can't be invited to weddings and on significant photos. This is weird territorial behaviour by a matriarch who is seen as vulnerable but has no issue making her family do her dirty work. She has to choose - all cousins DC or none. No "heartbroken" manipulation makes her view reasonable and the children's parents get to make the decision on what is best for their family.

Grandma is being difficult. There’s no reason to exclude them and if they’re in a photo big deal.

I’m not sure why she would make such an issue of refusing to invite the stepchildren, its just causing ill feeling (and yes, I have had experience of partners’ children being pushed into photos when you don’t even know if they will still be around in a year or two. Just try to get a few photos without, is it really worth all this aggro?)

😆😆

Her party. Her rules.

Granny’s sat there with a big spoon, stirring the pot. Not nice to exclude kids.

It’s the other dad that’s sitting in the bar, he sounds a bit of a shit stirrer too to be fair.

Why doesn’t gran like the teens OP?

I don’t know half my cousin’s partners, or their children. But if I was throwing a family party I wouldn’t invite my cousins but exclude their husbands/wives and children.

I could understand if this was an intimate sit down dinner or 10 people and she didn’t want them there but it’s a party with lots of people, having two extra guests there doesn’t make a difference to anyone.

Why exclude these children.

Because she doesn't know them? They are teenagers who live almost entirely with their mother. How many times has she met them? Would they know each other if they passed each other in the street?

Do they even want to go to a party with a lot of adults they barely know?

@Unlisted print this thread out and use out as wrapping paper for her present
kidding, don't do that

I think for one extra person gran is being a bit unreasonable.

The step child may already feel like an outsider and this would confirm it. I can understand why gran not fussed about seeing someone she doesnt consider family, but i wouldnt want to hurt step child's feelings just bring them along. Might be more awkward if it dramatically increased the numbers but it won't.

The dad should be taking both children out somewhere else. Sitting in bar nearby with stepchildren seems more hurtful.

How lovely just what anyone reaching 90 wants as a birthday present a mums net thread where strangers bitch about you.

OP hasn't written her post very well it's all a bit muddled.

Ultimately, it's granny's party and we all know not everyone get invited to all the parties.

Blending families is an individual choice you can't force everyone else to also wish to blend.

Saying that, I don't see the problem personally with inviting these step people. But it's up to granny.

When did the Step Great-Grand Children last visit Step Great Granny? Does she even know them?

And, who's paying for this big do?