90 year old grandma and cousins’ stepchildren

Loving the idea of an impostor descendant.

This thread has tickled me. I am imaging myself as a future matriarch pulling strings and getting adored and celebrated and being so popular that even unrelated step grand people want to come and wish me happy birthday🎂

Great thread.

I'm team granny

First post nails it

Granny is neither paying for or arranging the party . Presumably it's the people who are doing the arranging who are also doing the inviting . It just seems a bit unkind of Granny .

Nah ,that's mean
I've read lots of threads on here ,about similar issues , children being left out .
If the parents are married,the the family should accept step children as grandchildren
If not married,ok
But these cousins are married and the children of these parents are now a family
So grandma is causing drama and upset and bad feelings

Honestly, what is the point of your posting? You clearly have your mind made up not to invite these poor kids, so why come on here to battle everyone who says Granny is being mean?

I lived with my grandparents well into their 90's, and they are not some febel old doddger, more than able to speak their mind. So what if they are in photos. Glad I'm not in your family!

Not really. I’m sure they won’t want to go to a sit down meal for a 90 year old they barely know. But their father clearly has an agenda and will make them go which will make the situation even more awkward and difficult.

Tbh I think everyone is unreasonable here.
Your family have an incredibly weird attitude towards these poor kids but equally it’s up to your gran who she invites, even if her reasoning seems unfair.

This ^
Perfect post.

They're really not. Grandma doesn't really know them, so they're not 'as much family' to her. She wants a record of her special occasion with the family members that she knows and loves.

If it's mostly about the photos, I'd be asking the photographer if he can Photoshop them out afterwards.

It sounds as though there wouldn't be an issue if the cousin wasn't so pushy and insistent. I doubt that his kids want to see themselves as 'as much family' either.

I think the dad is the shit stirrer. And disrespectful of his elders by forcing her / them ( the ones paying) into accommodating him and his child becuse he’s willing to barrel in and assert himself while sitting in the adjacent bar.

I like to think being 90 brings a certain comfortableness to doing what you want and saying what you want without juggling everyone else’s demands and capitulating to the most annoying person in the family.

if it’s impossible to keep him and teen away and they insist on being in photos prepare the photographer ahead of time. They can place teen on the end and edit the photo. Take him right out of this photo if it does not align with others desired photos of the event. Due to my complicated divorce several times I have spoken to a photographer or the hired security at a venue to minimize disruption. It won’t be the first for the photographer
snd it’s never surprising to security. Funerals weddings often bring the rogue relatives out.

They will not want to go - problem solved

Granny should allow them to be invited. To those saying “how well does Granny know them?”, my guess is she doesn’t know her grandchildren’s latest boyfriends/girlfriends that well either.

But equally I expect it’s quite likely that two teenagers would politely decline because why on earth would they want to be at a family party for a 90 year old they barely know?

Seems a bit nasty to actively excude 2 kids deliberately. I'm a step grandmother and love them the same as my other GC . I don't make any distinction. Surely the people who are paying and arranging the do should decide who to invite .

Why the focus on the fact they live with their mother most of the time? Do you mean they live with him less than a typical custody arrangement i.e. every other weekend? Because unless it's much less than that I don't think that's much of an argument, to him they will still be as much his children and as much a part of his family as his children with your cousin.

She's 90, it's her party and it's only for two hours as presumably will find it intense/exhausting. So I think it's pretty understandable she doesn't want two virtual strangers there, she doesn't have to be a generous host at her age! I really don't understand the responses casting her as nasty, it's the Dad of the step kids that don't even live with him that is causing issues here IMO. I doubt the kids care.

She doesn't have to invite unrelated children she barely knows and who's dad sounds to be a bit of a dick. It's her party and she's entitled to have people there that mean something to her.

I think it’s sad that, given what sounds like a significant number of people invited to this event, the two teenagers are effectively not welcome, particularly as the issue seems to be that their dad will have an agenda.

Your grandma, lovely or not, appears to think that sharing her bloodline is what makes family. But if I understand correctly, the teenagers have a younger sibling who is biologically related to the rest of you.

Invite the teenagers; manage their dad’s behaviour. Get one photo of everyone at the party, then a series of other pictures with say, all the bio relatives, all the dc, etc.

I get that it’s grandma’s party, so it is up to her. But it does tarnish her image somewhat.

I'd imagine a teenager at a 90th birthday party will be bored to tears.

Just take more photos.

She may be lovely to you, but she is punishing children, not the annoying person. That is not lovely behaviour.

None of your business.

Granny can invite whomever she likes, and deny access to those she doesn't want there.

Keep out of it.

I'd invite them personally, but their father is a dick.

Also do they actually care about being there anyway?

Grandma is unreasonable.

The aunt who says she’ll “make sure” the joint child is there is also unreasonable, what’s she going to do, kidnap them? It’s literally nothing to do with her. It’s not her child. It’s not her decision.