90 year old grandma and cousins’ stepchildren

I wonder if it isn't coming more from the Aunt, the Step children's Father's MIL?😁
Granny's children are paying for the meal, Aunt can't stand the pushy son-in-law and Granny is copping the blame?

‘If he’s annoyed he shouldn’t try and guilt his wife and stop his stepson and younger son from going.‘

I agree. He sounds controlling.

If you read the threads on here almost everyone. On mums net it is a capital crime to not invited the whole world and its cousins.

Sorry but 90 or not, it’s horrible.

😂I'd love to see your perspective when you're 90. Honestly some of these replies.

I present you today's mumsnet scapegoat: 90 year old Granny.

Lived through the Blitz, evacuation, rationing, the Cold War, the oil crisis, several economic recessions, lockdown. Went from coal fires and outdoor toilets to hybrid cars and smartphones. Covid. And now she can add being disgraced by grumpy self righteous posters on Mumsnet to her bucket list.

She is probably doing these poor teens a huge favour. Imagine hanging out at a 90th pub lunch as a 13 or 15 year old with people you barely know? They'll just be on their phones right?

As a pp said, these teens and their mother would never consider inviting step granny to their wedding.

These teens are not victims, they're just normal.

The grandma is being horrible to exclude a child that is now family.
It would be hurtful for his other siblings to be invited to a massive party, but he's not wanted

I think it is your grandmothers party and as its a sit down meal, she gets to decide.

Up to your cousin to sort her husband out.
If they lived with her then I think it would be different but they are teens living mostly with their mother.

They clearly are not viewed as family.
Better your cousin doesn't attend.

I'm so glad I am not in a family where anyone would be anything but delighted if a couple more teens wanted to join in.

Thre are people in my wedding photos I no longer ever see - I really could not care less.

A few people have asked about the context.

Married since step kids were babies and in all other families lives - granny would be unreasonable.

Married last year and step kids never met granny - granny would not be unreasonable

And all other shades of grey in the middle.

If granny doesn't want them, they mustn't go. Who the hell thinks they or their children have a divine right to be at a party?

The father of these children clearly has a strong belief that his existing children should be included in the extended family of his second wife. The extended family appears to disagree, for whatever reason. He has form for pushing the issue. It’s unreasonable of him given his children from his first marriage will have family on the maternal side via their mother. All part of the complicated dynamics associated with step families and blending. He should not be throwing his weight around. He sounds like a dick. I’m team Granny.

Horrendous behaviour from your grandma. She’s certainly not ‘lovely’.

I hope if I make it to 90, I’m not bothered about this kind of small stuff, making 2 children feel unwanted and an inconvenience. I get a feeling from some of the OP responses, it’s them more than the Granny who’s not happy about these KIDS being included!

She wont be alive for much longer really, just dont expect them two poor kids to bother going to the funeral. Can't stand this 'family is blood only' outdated shite.

Feels a bit petty though right? To specifically say make sure those two step kids aren’t invited to my birthday party please. I should imagine that it’s not just DGM who is causing the drama but OP is laying the blame at her feet so we can only go off what we’re told

I don't think your granny is necessarily U to not want the older stepkids there. I think she's very U to make that choice and then suddenly turn on the waterworks and get the rest of the family to start emotionally blackmailing your cousin because she and her husband want to either turn up as a full family or not.

If granny doesn't want these kids there, the outcome of that is likely to be that their half sibs and parent/stepmother aren't there either. That's life.

And so plays out the latest chapter of "Unhappy Blended Families" where an adult wishes to erase previous relationships and ask everyone to play along with their fantasy that the previous relationships didn't happen and that everyone is just the same.

These two teens will have other grandparents. That's how it works.

All in all grandma has invited who she invited. It is upto the cousin to decide how she wants to handle this with her family.

Imagine getting to 90 and being this petty

I don't think your granny sounds like a nice person at all, tbh. More like a wannabe matriarch. Horrible behaviour to exclude cousin's stepkids.

Granny sounds nasty and if I was cousin I wouldn’t be attending nor would my child.

Exactly this

I think its sad that at the age of 90 your grandmother hasn't learned a little perspective. All that family surrounding her, travelling distances, trying to make things special, an event most people would think was a sign of their good fortune, and she has chosen to inject negativity into a positive thing.
I suppose given its her party your cousin will have to be the bigger person or no doubt you'll not hear the last of it from her. Which will be a shame as it will ruin it for those who've tried to do a nice thing.

You, grandmother and the rest of your family are not being unreasonable. He’s the one causing the issues by trying to repeatedly force his teenage children into being considered part of the family equal to the children that are actually relatives. Some families may choose to approach blended families in that way, but it isn’t something anyone ‘has’ to do, and nor is it something that can be forced.

I’m glad his stepson’s father isn’t rolling over here, and is supporting his son. It didn’t read to me like the aunt was threatening to kidnap her grandchild either, but that she’s knows her daughter wants and intends to go with her youngest child.

She is unreasonable and controlling, let her do as she pleases, if making a fuss makes her feel good, let her be, it is her party.