90 year old grandma and cousins’ stepchildren

I also think grandma has a right to choose who to invite. It’s a bit shitty to exclude children but if she wants to act that way then if you live till you’re 90 then you can do what you want. I don’t think I’d attend though if it was going to upset my husband or step kids. We are a team at the end of the day and come as a package but all families are different. No right/wrong answer because it’s family dependent.

If she wants your cousin there, your grandma has an easy choice.

Grandmas party, Grandma's choice. Her family are entitled to marry/ have children with whomever they choose but Grandma does not have to accept step children if she doesn't want to. Especially not if their father has form for pushing them on their family. The shared child should go the father is being unreasonable.

You're right and I'm sorry 😂I'm finding myself disproportionately pissed off by this. I think it's another form of entitlement, which I'm dealing with the fall-out of in other aspects of my life right now. People are so unreasonable sometimes! Everyone should just stay in their lanes. In fact, nobody should ever marry, nobody should have children ever and nobody should ever celebrate their 90th birthday - that would solve everything! (joke - just in case)

Way back at "all her descendants" my eyes glazed over, and I lost the will to live!

Give that there isn't much of a relationship between this 90 year old and her teenage step grandchildren I really don't see why this is such an outrage. Unlike that other poster who keeps posting drama about her slighted older daughter these teenagers even have two involved parents, they aren't hard done by.

Agree with PP, the cousins DH sounds like a shit stirer and I bet these teens don't even care.

Why is he being a shit stirrer, he is sitting at the bar so his child can attend as mother wont take them

Ok but 6yrs is quite a long time isn't it? To be fair this isn't the kids fault and there is no reason to treat them like they have an agenda.
I used to be a step parent and still count myself as one. Nobody would bat an eyelid in my family if we turned up to dinner and she happened to be with us. I still turn up to dinner with her sometimes and I'm not even with her Dad, my brother sees her more than I do as he lives around the corner from us and she looks like my son. I feel like you are being a bit mean here.

Obviously her husband is making the fuss and I assume he's invited due to his with wife being your cousin and now wants his kids to come too. Obviously she may decide it's not worth hassle/grief she is getting at home and you might not get that photo of you all with your grandmother.

There is nothing lovely about a grown woman excluding children.

😂😂😂

Are you quite alright Cankles?
Calm your beans!

Just another man inserting himself (and his kids) into a situation that has nothing to do with him. Theyre not being singled out, other spouses are also not invited (RTFT). what 13-16 year old want to attend a 90 year old womans birthday when they dont know her ! (Again read the read they have no relationship with this woman!!!!)

So dad of the children doesn’t want his children to be excluded from his other child’s family gatherings as he views them as one big family at a guess? Feel sorry for his wife who is stuck in the middle here. Does she want the children aka her stepchildren to attend?

Oh for goodness sake. You're suggesting these 13/14/15yos' mental health is going to be negatively impacted by not being included in photos at their stepmother's grandmother's 90th tea party? Really? Even if they knew this woman really well, you don't think that by that age they can't handle the truth of not being everyone's biological child, grandchild or great-grandchild? Another way these teens' parents are failing them.

Will the cousin's biological children's mental health be negatively impacted if they aren't included in their 13/14/15yo step-siblings' grandmother's 90yo's tea party photos? No? Didn't think so.

It's just nonsense, all this foisting of "relationships" (they're not relationships because it takes at least two to form a relationship) onto people who don't want them. And BS to "but won't anyone think of the childrennnnn?". The people who should be thinking about the children are their parents, specifically this idiot man who is foisting his teens onto people at public occasions for his own, selfish reasons to do with his own failed relationship with their mother. It's such hypocrisy, made worse by randoms accusing a 90yo woman of awful things and calling her vicious names. MN is like the twilight zone sometimes.

This isn't a school friends party and the fact that it's for a 90 year old and is probably very boring is neither here nor there.
This is about a family sending a message to teenagers saying "you do not belong here" and you are not part of this family.
It is massively different and in my opinion it's cruel.

They're not family. They never spend any time at OP's cousin's home. Cousin's partner does not have shared custody. Wonder why.

You can easily mess up a teenagers mental health by excluding them.
From a 90th birthday lunch? You've got to be kidding me. My kids are left out form school friends parties. it's up to me to teach them to handle disappointments.

Your cousin clearly thinks of these kids as his own. Good on him for stepping up and being a proper father.

I think cousin's husband is the wicked fairy who's scheming an evil plan for gan gan to prick her finger on a spindle and sleep for 100 years because he feels slighted.

OP if someone's heartbroken at seeing someone unrelated in a photo then they're a bit mental and if you can't see that I'd say you're a sandwich short of a picnic.

The children won't want to attend. They wouldnt even have know about it.

The grandmother doesnt know the children could be airbrushed out of photos if necessary.

The real issue is the husband of the cousin. The grandmother is imagining (problably through experience) that he is going to cause trouble, and thinks its going to be via the children.

I'd make my excuses, not go and have one to one meal with her. Avoid the drama.

None of the updates make your family sound any nicer, tbh

I think that's a bit harsh actually.
You can easily mess up a teenagers mental health by excluding them.
I'm sorry OP but your Granny doesn't sound kind.

"Her party, Her rules" is such a dickish thing to say when it is used to hurt others.

I think that clarifies the situation.

She doesn't sound lovely at all. A lovely person wouldn't single people out like this and wouldn't care if they were in photos. You don't sound very lovely either.